Rendezvous with Catherina

[Major Tom]

Chapter 1: 4000BC-3600BC. Scouting the neighborhood.

Do you get seduced by the look of Cathy when she shows up in the game? My earlier games with her have been a mixed experience to put it mildly. Next time she is around there shall be no fooling around.

I fired up my usual game with random leader and 6 unknown AIs at emperor.

Settings:

Spoiler :

The dawn of man:
I find myself as the Persian Cyrus the Great. Very well, charismatic and imperialistic. Let us scatter the map with a lot of happy people. The apothecary should relieve us from all health problems and perhaps give other stimulus if necessary. No wonder the UU is called immortal.

Spoiler :

The start is nice but we need techs for the animals and fish. With marble the Oracle will also come high in priorities.
The scout is sent out to find metals and neighbors.

First contact:



Me: Hi, I’m Cyrus the Great.
She: Hi, I’m Catherina the Great.



The map 3600BC:

Spoiler :

 

[Moai_Spammer]

subbed

Spoiler :

as for cathy, HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHADADAHOT

 

[Major Tom]

Chapter 2: 3600BC-525BC. Empires in the making.

So, the scout met Cathys scout down southwest just after 10 turns. This means we are going to have a real tight relationship. A relationship with an imperialistic woman next door will certainly be interesting. Does she prefer settlers or generals?

Doing! - Buddhism founded in a foreign land 3480BC. Darn, it is Catherina who starts to admire Mister Buddha. I really hope she sends over a monk to our land so she and I can have something in common too. At least we can try to have open borders:



Why does she always talk to me with her back towards me?

Anyways, it is important to get out the settlers now. Bronze was discovered not far away so the second city is just a 50 years walk straight east on the peninsula. The Persian Empire clearly needs Stonehenge to leverage the charismatic trait fast and by 1800BC it was finished. By 1600BC third city was settled for a second ore of copper.

I hope the marble in Persepolis will impress Cathy, but some sources says she prefer amber. Still, marble made us finish the Oracle 850BC and it taught us Metalcasting.

775BC I have serious concerns about Cathy. No monk has appeared, but worse, red shadows have occupied strategic tiles so we are in danger of missing the immortals. Luckily the fourth settler is not far away from the horses and it managed to settle the city a few turns later, but it is cut off from the rest of the Persian Empire by Yekaterinburg. Close call.

Spoiler :

 

[Major Tom]

Chapter 3: 500BC-200AD. Cathy needs a good spanking.

In the same turn as we claimed the horses in 500BC, a Great Prophet was born in Persepolis. To secure our voting rights in future world affairs Christianity needed to be bulbed as soon as required tech was on board. I still waited for her monks to appear so Christianity was considered as superstition by the Persians. A glorious Apostolic Palace was on the drawing board. Surely Cathy will be impressed. If she could be turned into a good Christian the future would be really bright. Even if she looks pretty, she had that look of a woman who likes to be on top. OK for me if end of story will be happy.




However, 400BC Cathy had the nerve to found another city north towards the Persian peninsula. 200 BC the waiting for techs, monks and settlements finally come to an end. Christianity was founded in Persia and the people took up the new belief. Cathy, don’t be so furious about this. Remember, this is just a game. 75BC she took revenge and settled Smolensk even further north into Persian heartland!

Catherina, you are such a rude girl. There is no other way than to take you down and give you something to remember. What could be a better time than 1AD for our Christian Immortals to take over the Russian settlements?

Spoiler :

Smolensk was no match for the immortals with just 1 archer defending. It was razed by the immortals. Vladivostok was already surrounded and fell 50 AD. I cannot stop here as Yekaterinburg is the source to Cathys gems and elephants. I take it from her. She may have gems gifted back later, if the outcome can be satisfactorily. 200 AD Yekaterinburg fell and I had her where I wanted to.

Spoiler :

But the intermezzo has been costly. Lagging in techs. Researchrate is 0%. Bank is low on cash and it is flowing out too much gpt. I guess it costs to be engaged with ladies like Cathy.


Something has to be done. In the next episode: The Age of Peepshows or How the spies went nuts.

 

[Moai_Spammer]

lol, best update title ever

 

[Major Tom]

lol, best update title ever

Thanks

Next update comes after the weekend. Do you think me and Cathy can take over the world by a diplogame?

Edit: There will be an update today.

 

[Major Tom]

Chapter 4: 200AD-1200AD. Peeping on Cathy.

After the conquest of Yekaterinburg there was still a need to place settlements to secure the western part of our continent for future expansion. Cathy lined up chariots with settlers but could not pass. Maintainance cost for all the new cities skyrocketed. In addition all the warring had put the Persian Empire very backwards technologically. Alphabet was highly missed in case Cathy wanted to trade, or more importantly: building spies. Not that she is likely to trade anything anyways as she is furious (-12 diplopoints). Monarchy was a high priority too, so Persians could adopt Cathys favourite civic. With researchrate at 0-10% it took 600 years to get the alphabet (800 AD) but Cathy was still furious. Around the same time the Apostolic Palace was finished in Persepolis but open borders was not an issue either for her so no Christian missionaries could cross the border.

After alphabet all the surplus beakers after paying maintenance went to espionage (10-20%).
The first mission was a spy with a spycamera. He returned with this picture. And it needs a spoiler:

Spoiler :

OK, if the readers are not saying wheoorn after this, I’ll carry on.

Up to 1200AD the spies stole 3 techs from Cathy so at least Persia was not very backwards. But no Monarchy and Cathy was adopting vassalage, so I suppose Moscow was mass producing Longbows now. Hooray, 1130AD a caravel from Gilgamesh showed up. He was willing to trade Monarchy for Theology. Not a good deal thinking beakers, but we needed Monarchy for Cathys Hereditary rules and more importantly: feudalism next. Why feudalism? The grand plan is of course to more or less merge with Cathy. But first we need construction for catapults and elephants…

The map around 1200AD:

Spoiler :

 

[Alexius08]

By merge, you mean unite your empires through force?

 

[Major Tom]

Yes, she could be handy as a vassal.

 

[Moai_Spammer]

"handy" as a vassal you say

 

[Noyyau]

After that stolen pic she won't be happy with you. Oh wait...

 

[pole475]

"handy" as a vassal you say

Moai's the one who needs a good

 

[Moai_Spammer]

as long as cathy gives it

 

[CFCoasters]

There really needs to be a facepalm smilie on this website.

 

[Major Tom]

Chapter 5: 1200AD-1650AD. Operation Icebreaker.

I have tried everything to get Cathy not so furious. I gave her a sheep for free and also shiny gems for a very small fee.

We could not go on sharing the same continent without a better relationship. At least she should have accepted open borders for Buddhist monks and foreign trade routes for her own sake, but no. No-no-no to everything. We needed an icebreaker and in the 12th century it means catapults and elephants.




1210AD construction was acquired. The catapults and elephants came out from Persian cities for Operation Icebreaker. The DoW on Cathy was with mixed feelings but Persian forces promised to do it quick and clean. Yaroslav fell 2 turns later and by 1410 Rostov fell. The battles were rather easy. The walls were brought down by spy missions and there were more swordsmen than longbows defending her cities.

Map at attack:

Spoiler :

At this stage intercontinental matters sought urgent attention. Peace was agreed with feudalism as compensation for Persian efforts. 1440AD optics was acquired. Caravels and Christian missionaries filled up the harbours in Persia. We soon met Wan Kong in open sea. France shores were reached and De Gaulle wished us Bon Jour. At last caravels reached Babylon. 1560AD astronomy was researched and profitable intercontinental trade routes established. The economy was recovering and to make things even better the capital was moved from Persepolis far north to Ecbatana south on the continent reducing maintenance and increasing output of beakers.

In the meantime Cathy was still furious but Persia now possessed feudalism. A new DoW in 1635 was inevitable and future peacetalks could now involve vassalage. She had a shrine in Moscow not far away, but Persian generals got the order to direct their forces to the minor city of Orenburg. I’ll let Cathy have her shrine. I did not want her to be backwards. When Orenburg fell 2 turns later Cathy promptly proposed submission to the Persian leader. I was delighted to accept and would make sure she would be the happiest vassal ever.



Maps 1645:

Spoiler :

Next episode: The Frenchman or Does Cathy have an affair?

 

[Moai_Spammer]

operation icebreaker

 

[pole475]

I do say this is one of the funniest S&T I've seen in a while.