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Roll to Dodge - Help NC Get Out of Bed Edition

Discussion in 'Forum Games' started by NinjaCow64, Aug 15, 2020.

  1. Takhisis

    Takhisis Jinping, wer fragt uns?

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2005
    Messages:
    50,754
    Location:
    up yours!
    Obviously taken from a bubblegum wrapper or Vietnamese fortune cookie, adolescent locust.
     
  2. Red_Spy

    Red_Spy Surprised

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2011
    Messages:
    4,730
    Location:
    Florida
    Debate Kotok McCarthy as to whether the symbolism taken from the esoteric tradition of Kabbalah in the 1995 to 1996 classic Neon Genesis Evangelion actually has meaning, with myself taking the position that it doesn't.

    Chess: e6
     
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  3. Gurra09

    Gurra09 First Consul

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,284
    I go back in NC's office and ask him for directions to a hospital so I can get my leg attended to.
     
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  4. Robert Can't

    Robert Can't Éponine

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2007
    Messages:
    3,209
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    The Barricade
    I put out the fires. Let's not be on fire. Especially not in my wonderful bunker-house.
     
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  5. gay_Aleks

    gay_Aleks communism will win.

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2013
    Messages:
    10,791
    Location:
    Nightvale, US
    Well. If peace cannot solve this, then we must resort to incredible violence. I will commandeer a fighter jet to shoot down the one last nuke coming to Canberra, and save everyone.
     
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  6. Takhisis

    Takhisis Jinping, wer fragt uns?

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2005
    Messages:
    50,754
    Location:
    up yours!
    OOC: Since we've already broken the fourth wall, could we use Ms. Can't's avatar's cuteness in-story?
     
  7. SouthernKing

    SouthernKing crickety cricket

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2010
    Messages:
    6,914
    Location:
    Deva Loka
    I summon some evil Maras to protect myself from the PLA
     
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  8. NinjaCow64

    NinjaCow64 Thought Bubble Thinker Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2010
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    8,035
    Gender:
    Male
    14 (13): Your headache causes you to mess up some of the words, but your singing of the DK Rap does summon you a second-hand coconut gun that is a little worse for wear (+1 to shooting, can fire one coconut a turn, low chance of jamming, 5/5 Coconut Clip). Your intimidating gun rattles Little King John slightly (-4% Willpower).

    Lucina attempts to subdue Little King John once again (7) 8: Argh! He's such an unconventional opponent, he's too hard to hit!

    The Minecraft Bees attempt to sting Little King John! 15: The bees swarm John, stinging him for -13 HP which drains him of another 12% Willpower!

    Little King John tries to subdue Omega124 and Lucina and tries to intimidate the bees into retreating! ROLL TO DODGE!!!

    (8) 4: A stale potato kinich hits you right in the noggin again, causing -30 HP worth of brain trauma and knocking you completely unconscious.

    (6) 4: The same thing happens to Lucina, she takes -30 HP worth of brain trauma and is also knocked unconscious.

    (2) 0: The Bees completely fail their XCOM panic rolls, causing them to flee the battlefield! Shameful display!

    Omega124 and Lucina awakes in a dungeon cell. Your weapons have been confiscated. Dinner has been served, its four maxim tomatoes (free action to eat, recover 50 HP when consumed). A letter written to both of you by Little King John is on the floor.

    (10) 13: You merge with the Goddess, becoming more powerful (+1 to Waterbending) and spray some purifying water on Oda Nobunaga, causing some minor damage (-1 HP) and putting her on a path to redemption and/or enlightenment (+14% Purification).

    "Wah ha ha ha!" says Oda Nobunaga "You fool! Did you not read my stats? I get an additional +1 against divine beings! And by merging with the Goddess, you now count as one!" Oda Nobunaga goes in for another attack! ROLL TO DODGE!!!

    (1) -3: Show your corpse to the Three Thousand Worlds... Demon Descent! Behold, the Demon King's Three Line Formation! You are hit with the full force of Nobunaga's Noble Phantasm, causing you to get slammed into a nearby tree. You have more holes than swiss cheese and you had no idea there was this much blood in the human body and that you could still be alive when it had gone everywhere (-27 HP, -6 HP/turn).

    "Oof!" says Oda Nobunaga. "You got hit by the full force of that thing! Well, I don't need to be a referee to see who won that duel" (Takhisis loses the duel as well as all his honour! Oda Nobunaga gains +1 Legitimacy as the Buddha).

    "I think you've learnt your lesson," she continues "Don't talk like your hot [swear word] if you ain't! Unlike me, I am both sexy and literally on fire! Wah ha ha ha! Anyways, I'm going to go have sex with my hot wife now. You should probably get those wounds looked after and find a bomb shelter, I think there's a missile heading towards Canberra in a turn or so. Farewell!" Oda Nobunaga walks into the burning house and goes back to where she came from.

    (1) 0: The mere mention of hot beats causes Hatsune Mike to laugh "Fool! I am the father of Vocaloids! I can rap almost as well as my daughter can!" Hatsune Mike prepares to bust out an epic rap (+11 to next attack roll), which he will do right now! ROLL TO DODGE!!!

    (15) 5: Mike's raps and rhymes hit you right in the feely spot, hurting your very soul (-12 Soul HP) and causing you to become demoralised (-1 to fighting, 1 turn).

    You play the cursed DDR game! (9) 11: You barely keep up with the aye aye aye butterfly song.

    (16) 17: WHOOSH! Becky's guidance proves true and you begin rapidly accelerating towards SouthernKing, putting you in melee range! The air pressure puts the fire out, your regain your confidence (chewed out modifier expires) and the momentum is going to help you slam into SouthernKing (+1 to your next attack vs SouthernKing).

    (15) 21: You turn his right arm into salami. While he can use his stand to compensate, it bloody hurts and the blood loss is insane! (-45 HP, -10 HP/turn).

    ainwood goes in for a desperate stand rush! ROLL TO DODGE!!!

    (11) 11: You match his stand rush with a stand rush of your own, Mr Γ once again too fast for the CFC moderator to break through.

    (15) 16: Your superior argumentative skills, plus the fact that you are objectively correct, causes you to win the argument easily. Kotok McCarthy looks slightly perturbed by your argument, you believe he will make a minor blunder in the chess game soon.

    Chess: c3



    14: I point towards the cosmic cobblestone bridge, which you start running down. It will take you one turn to get to Red's bunker in Cavalry Hospital in the year 2020. You get a slight head start on Grum (+1 to next dodge roll), who barrells after you like the freaky CGI gremlin he is. ROLL TO DODGE!!!

    (6) 7: Grum tears a peice of flesh off of your left leg (-7 HP, bleeding -1 HP/turn, -1 to running) and swallows it whole. "MAIZE!!!"

    17: Using your superior mathematical knoweldge, you put out the fire and give yourself much needed medical attention. You then tend to Crezth's burns (+27 HP for Crezth).

    Crezth finally calms down and becomes an NPC because she hasn't submitted an order in like five turns (>:[). She asks Rosie what she wants to do.

    14: Due to everyone at the local airbase panicking, you get in a fighter jet and begin flying towards the missile! Now you have it in your sights! Aleks !! Take off your 'ZIG' !! You know what you are doing. Move 'ZIG'. For great justice!

    (12) 16: You summon an army of Maras to fight the PLA and they have a bigly advantage over their human opponents (Battle of Beijing Begins! PLA vs Maras, battle will be resolved next turn, Maras get +4 to seize control over the province!). The PLA won't be able to attack you while they're busy defending themselves against demons!

    ****************
    1 TURN UNTIL THE ICBM REACHES CANBERRA!!! Can Aleks stop it? Find out tomorrow on R2D Z!

    THUNDERFALL sighs "You deal with the pillow heretics ori, I'll deal with the armies."

    THUNDERFALL decrees "In the name of the Civfanatic Forums, I claim this land as the Beijing Subforum!" (12) 15: He opens a portal to OT and summons a legion of OT Berserkers! They provide further advantage to the Maras, as they hate China slightly more than they do evil Buddhist demons, but it is clear that they will turn on the Maras as soon as the battle is resolved! (+3 advantage Maras).

    Camikaze goes at SouthernKing for another attack! ROLL TO DODGE!!! (20) 19: SouthernKing has begun to predict Cami's movements, predicting him and punishing him for his many obvious overreaches. Cami takes even more Dark Buddhist laser damage to the face! (-45 HP).

    ori attempts to impale Sasaki Kojirō (no relation) with a magical stand ladder, (8) 9: but the falling samurai's trajectory is too chaotic!

    Sasaki Kojirō (no relation) 14: lands on a Mara commander to cushion his fall! He takes a significant amount of damage (-40 HP) and breaks both his legs (-5 to movement), but he is now in the midst of the Mara ranks and is causing havoc! (-2 Mara advantage, action will be resolved alongside the Battle of Beijing). ori chases after the samurai and aids the OT Berserkers, indirectly aiding the Mara! (+1 Mara advantage). [Sasaki Kojirō (no relation) and ori's actions will be resolved as part of next turn's battle]

    Hilary Rodham Clinton attempts to send a forward group of airplanes to give the PLA some air advantage 8: but she's too far away!

    Xi Jingping attempts to lead his armies in battle 1: but he is instead torn to pieces by a Mara commander and dies! China no longer has a leader!
     
  9. Crezth

    Crezth 話說天下大勢分久必合合久必分

    Joined:
    May 26, 2006
    Messages:
    11,102
    Location:
    北京皇城
    I shake off my NPC-ness and of my own free will ask Rosie what she wants to do, while preparing a martini.
     
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  10. Robert Can't

    Robert Can't Éponine

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2007
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    Female
    Location:
    The Barricade
    I tell Crezth all I want to do is stress eat because a nuclear missile is going to kill all the other people we care about in this city.

    I make a salad with some cool leaves and slices of carrot - we are in stressful territory now.
     
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  11. Double A

    Double A ♫We got the guillotine♫

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2009
    Messages:
    14,254
    Location:
    NC
    as a ghost I dematerialize then rematerialize inside ainwood and cut my way out (he is now a deep dish pizza and I'm the filling)
     
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  12. Takhisis

    Takhisis Jinping, wer fragt uns?

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2005
    Messages:
    50,754
    Location:
    up yours!
    I ask the Dragon Goddess of the Sea to protect Canberra and heal my wounds.
     
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  13. Catharsis

    Catharsis catch u on the flip scythe

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2007
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    5,087
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Clinging onto underside of forum
    I'm back in melee range and it's time for a "PLAYFUL PILLOW PUMMEL!"I batter SouthernKing with a barrage of feathery fury at maximum cheeriness!

    #dishonourable #disgraceful #cancelled #sasakikojiroisoverparty
     
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  14. Omega124

    Omega124 Challenging Fate

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    Nov 1, 2008
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    Female
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    Albany, New York
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  15. Gurra09

    Gurra09 First Consul

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,284
    I double press W in my mind to sprint across the cosmic cobblestone bridge to my destination
     
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  16. gay_Aleks

    gay_Aleks communism will win.

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2013
    Messages:
    10,791
    Location:
    Nightvale, US
    I shoot down the missile, putting the hopes and fears (mostly the fear of nuclear death) into it, with my ZIG
     
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  17. LordArgon

    LordArgon King

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2019
    Messages:
    781
    Gender:
    Male
    I decide the best offense is offense and set everything in the room on fire.
     
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  18. Red_Spy

    Red_Spy Surprised

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2011
    Messages:
    4,730
    Location:
    Florida
    Watch a movie with Kotok McCarthy while we wait for the world to end.

    Chess: c5
     
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  19. JohannaK

    JohannaK Heroically Clueless

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2011
    Messages:
    15,417
    Location:
    SPACE! Maybe?
    I am literally David Bowie.
     
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  20. Takhisis

    Takhisis Jinping, wer fragt uns?

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2005
    Messages:
    50,754
    Location:
    up yours!
    Including NinjaCow64 who's still not awake?
    Which incarnation?
     

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