Roll to Dodge: Kill or be Killed.

I continue searching for treasure, and get the Pirates to help me look for treasure.
 
I perform an elaborate Kung-Fu technique that knocks Tsoate out of his my clothes.
 
Hey hey! I have four-leaf clover?! Why didn't I get +2 to dodge?

I use my charisma to charm KaiserElectric into giving me everything, and allowing me to escape.
 
I pay off my dept and find a 10$ bill on the ground.

3: You find a $10 bill on the ground, but instead of using it to pay off your debt, you take another chance on the Knicks. You might need therapy. (+$10 in debt)

I continue searching for treasure, and get the Pirates to help me look for treasure.

2: You and your crew set off for adventure and loot, but you don't get very far before you're attacked by the great landshark Untho, slayer of captain Monterey Jack, terror of pirates around the world! He swallows your crew whole, then comes for you!

ROLL TO DODGE!: 19(20) (Jesus christ choxorn): As the beast approaches, you take up an elegant five sword stance. Just as the shark jumps out from under the dirt, you call your attack at the top of your lungs, "FIVE SWORD STYLE TECHNIQUE: SLICY STABBY SWORD ATTACK!" In a flurry of steel, you cut open the beast's stomach and pull your men out before they're digested, along with two other pirates you don't recognize. Slaying the legendary beast has boosted your renown, which may have consequences one day.

I do as the horse commands.

20: The horse laughs merrily. "Very well, you seem like a jolly fellow, I would be glad to provide you with transport. I am Sir Reginald Sparklesworth Equinius III, Pegasus of the highest nobility. Let us ride together with great honor and pride." Sir Reginald Sparklesworth Equinius III is now your companion. He eyes your knife. "Why, a fine gentleman such as yourself shouldn't be carrying such a knavish weapon. Here," he nods his head three times, and your knife is transformed into a beautifully crafted longsword. "That is the weapon of a proud and regal man!"

I stare at my cut and with my glare, cause my arm to reattach to my body

20 (What the hell is up with all these 20s?): You stare at your arm stub so bad-assedly that in it's place grows a mechanical cyborg arm, complete with elbow blade and martini shaker. (The bleeding has stopped, and you now have +2 to all melee attack rolls and +1 to actions requiring intimidation)

I materialize, because this is just too cool.

A new challenger, talonschild, approaches!

14: You successfully materialize into the realm of existence, with only minor brain damage. (You've gone stark, raving mad, and must kill everyone else to win!)

I attach a motor to my bicycle

12: You attach a motor to the bicycle, but all it really does is make the thing heavier.

I perform an elaborate Kung-Fu technique that knocks Tsoate out of his my clothes.

16: You do a jump-spinning triple roundhouse and manage to knock the top half of your suit off of him, landing in such a way that it falls back on to you. (Tsoate -10 HP, you are now wearing half a suit. +1 to rolls requiring charisma.)

I use my charisma to charm KaiserElectric into giving me everything, and allowing me to escape.

13(14): You don't manage to nick his stuff, but you do distract him long enough to make a clean getaway.
 
I beg for pants.
 
I mount Sir Reginald and take to the skies with a "Tally ho!", looking around for other people.
 
I realize I forgot about my secret money chest in my mattress. I count the money and check that it is enough to barely pay off my debt, and it is!
 
I cut off the Landshark's fin and wear it as a good luck charm.
 
Goody, goody. I beg for money.

10: You manage to scrounge up about $.75 and a half eaten cheeseburger.

I beg for pants.

13(14): After begging in your undergarments for long enough, someone throws a pair of jeans your way.

I paint my bicycle red and make it so that the motor attached to it works.

19: With a sufficient amount of duct tape and glue, you transform your bicycle into an awesome, if somewhat jury rigged and haphazard, motorcycle. You slather some red paint on it, increasing it's speed by 200%. Because as everyone knows, "Da red wunz go fasta"

Go searching in the telephone book for [target]'s name.

10: You search the phone book for your targets name, only to remember that you live in the same neighborhood.

With my bleeding situation now fixed, I find and grab a M249

9: You grab an M492, which is actually just an unfinished potato gun.

I materialize into this world.

This world is at full capacity. You are denied entry.

I mount Sir Reginald and take to the skies with a "Tally ho!", looking around for other people.

14: With one graceful swoop, Sir Reginald propels you both into the sky. Looking down on the neighborhood, you can see the house of every player, a strange man in a suit of armor with a massive great sword, the corpse of the mighty landshark, and an unruly gang of pirates.

I realize I forgot about my secret money chest in my mattress. I count the money and check that it is enough to barely pay off my debt, and it is!

4: You reach into your mattress and find a nest of venomous snakes. They look startled.

ROLL TO DODGE!: 15: You manage to avoid their poisonous fangs.

I cut off the Landshark's fin and wear it as a good luck charm.

8: You cut off the landshark's fin, but it doesn't really make you feel particularly lucky. In fact it's really pretty gross.
 
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