Roll to Dodge: Mall Madness Redux

[Omega124]

20XX

The Melee meta game has developed so much, that only Fox is viable and matches are won by port priority The St. Milarqui Mall is about to have its grand opening tomorrow. Coined "The Largest Mall This Side of Spain", the mall has any store you could possibly imagine, and those beyond the imagination of mere mortals.

The St. Milarqui Mall also has an... interesting security protocol. Rather than hiring even a single security guard, the mall instead has the stores protect themselves super advanced AI. Whether its a gun store, to a grocery store, any item can and will be used by the store itself to protect itself from robbers and thieves.

The only problem?

You.

You're a squatter, arriving the night before so you could take advantage of the amazing deals. Except, others have also arrived to do the same. As the law dictates, you must murder your fellow squatters, so you can claim ALL the deals

Have fun!

Hello and welcome to the first new roll to dodge since 2011! I shall be your hostess, Omega, as we combine two of the best Roll to Dodges in one compact game!

The rules are simple, and are copy pasted from Ludicrous Edition:

The rules are simple:
1. Post an action.
2. Your result will be determined by the roll of a die.
Any action that triggers a third-party attack on the player immediately grants a free defence roll.

'Ludicrous Edition' increases the variability of results with a 20-sided die (actually a short Python script) that in addition to establishing the immediate success of an action, also determines random items found, health/power/money gained/lost, etc. The basic breakdown is as follows:

1 : Unbelievably total failure. Action WILL backfire.
2-4 : Failure, with penalty
5-7 : Marginal failure with possible penalty
8-10 : Failure, no penalty
11-13 : Straightforward success
14-16 : Success, with possible bonus
17-19 : Success, with circumstantial bonus
20 : MAXIMUM POWER. Guaranteed success, with added bonus.

Under binary conditions, 1-10 fails, 11-20 succeeds.

Note that attempting an action requiring an intermediate action (i.e. starting a car with no keys) automatically fails. Also note that the same action cannot be taken twice in a row. Take heed that your GM is unstable, and may tweak the playing field independent of player actions. Almost anything goes, but be warned that metagaming will anger the D1C3 G0D, who may unleash the wrath of Dr. Hax upon you.

Each player may submit one action per turn. A turn lasts at most one day and at least until every active player has submitted an action. The game is played in rounds that last until one player remains alive.

HOWEVER

I shall be incoperating the mall mechanics from Milarqui's Roll to Dodge 4, hence the detailed setting above. Again, I shall copy and paste:

Special Rule: Entering a Shop
If you decide to enter a shop, I will throw 2 dices so that I can decide what happens when you do enter:
- First dice: Relationship between expectations and reality.
You must tell me the name of the shop and what you expect to be there. Depending on what I get on the dice, you'll find either what you wanted or what you didn't want.
1: Are you sure you were looking for THIS? (the shop doesn't have anything at all similar to what you wanted)
2: We might have had that, but... (the shop has something slightly similar to what you wanted)
3: If you had come last year, we would have given you that (related to what you look for, but not exactly that)
4: Yeah, but it was 50 years ago (you find what you looked for, but the shop's stok is either old or half-broken)
5: We indeed sell what you want (up-to-date of whatever you want)
6: OMFG! I called for a little rain and got the Flood! (totally up-to-date and great quantities of what you wanted, and even something more)

Example: Player A: I enter Victoria's Secret, and expect it to be full of sexy feminine lingerie.
3: You enter Victoria's Secrets, and find it full of BDSM-related objects.
Player B: I enter Ammu-Nation and expect it to be full of weapons and ammunition.
6: OMG! When you enter Ammu-For-A-Nation, not only do you find enough weapons to supply a medium-sized army, but also a FRIGGING TACTICAL MINI-NUKE!

- Second dice: Watch out for that las...
When you enter a shop, the alarms may blare up or not, thus bringing different responses to you. However, in here there is no police, as the shops are equipped to fully answer by themselves to the potential threat of a robber (i.e. you).
1: Get away or get OBLITERATED! (Shop answers with immediate and overwhelming reaction to your entrance in the shop)
2: Wanna see me put this through your head? (Shop answers with immediate reaction to your entrance in the shop)
3: You have 5 seconds to deactivate me (Alarm sounds, but you still have a chance to get away or to deactivate it... if you find the control panel)
4: Situation: DEFCON 4 (the alarm doesn't sound, but it may in the next turn)
5: Cree, cree, cree (the alarm is deactivated and will never sound. That's the sound crickets make, BTW)
6: Oh, sorry, Sir, we didn't expect you here! (The alarm is activated, but it somehow recognises you as the owner of the shop, and will now obey you!)

Example: Player A has entered Victoria's Secrets, a BDSM shop.
6: The shop lights turn on, giving everything a reddish hue. Then, a sensual feminine voice says, "My Lord and Master, how may I help you?", and a sexy woman dressed with a domino mask, leather bra, leather tanga and leather high-heel boots and carrying a whip enters the room.
Player B has entered Ammu-For-A-Nation, a shop with lots of weapons and a tactical mini-nuke.
1: An alarm blares. Out of nowhere, a shoe appears. You sigh. Then the shoe launches itself at the tactical mini-nuke, and hits it. After a few seconds, you think it's a dud, but suddenly WHAT THE HELL KABOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!

That's right, this is the first and so far only RTD to combine d6 with d20. We D&D now!

So get ready to murder your fellow squatters and ROLL! TO! DODGE!

 

[Omega124]

PLAYERS:

SouthernKing - Ahika's Green Tea
85 HP
Items
Modifiers
In love - +1 ALL Rolls as long as Secretary remains alive
Commendations
Made Hellsing Real
Judge of the 1st District Court
In a committed relationship

Kaiser - Jack Thompson's Office
75 HP
Items
Solid Snake Sneaking Suit - Looks cool?
Jack Thompson's S&W Model 500 (4/5 bullets) (Equipped)
Box (shot up) - Looks silly? (equipped)
Modifiers
Stabbed in shooting arm - -2 aim with guns until healed
Commendations
Owner of Games, Stopped in the 80s
Is Solid Lec

Tolni - Lobby
60 HP
Items
Modifiers
Bullet time - +1 dodging projectiles
Commendations
Was Concussed!

Seon - Leprechaun's Own Gold
97 HP
Items
Serrated Steak Knife - Bonus Damage on successful melee attacks (equipped)
Throwing Butter Knives x 3
Horseshoe
Emerald Crown - Marks lordship over Leprechauns (equipped)
Modifiers
Is King of the Leprechauns
Commendations

Aliedhoo - DIY Heaven Died from Vampire Mauling
0 HP
Items
Automatic Circumcizer - ???
Modifiers
AWOL - -10 HP a turn
Commendations


Civ'ed - Private Jimmy's Southern Front Guns 'n Bazookas
65 HP
Items
Comp B (equipped)
M1 Garand (Box worth of ammo)
M4 Sherman - (equipped)
Modifiers
Commendations
First Bled
Is recognized as a product in Private Jimmy's Southern Front Guns 'n Bazookas

Terra - Cob Planet
100 HP
Items
Portal Gun on a Cob
Meseek Box
Golden Gun (1/1) - Instant Kill if hit
Modifiers
Vampiric - Can bite organics to heal oneself
Commendations
Owner of Cob Planet
Is a Vampire
Made Megan cry due to good luck

Ninjacow - Roof
100 HP
Items
Excalibur - +2 Attack (equipped)
Saber's Armor +2 Defence, nullifies magic (equipped)
Modifiers
Commendations
Received Saber's blessing
Destroyed Millennium
Indirectly responsible for the murder of thousands of people

Joan - Shinzaburo's Replica Swords
92 HP
Items
Plastic Replica Sword - (equipped)
Modifiers
Commendations

Magvine - Tanks in Advance
89 HP
Items
Modifiers
Commendations

NPCs:

Nailgun Angel -DIY Heaven
Loyal to: God

Rick - Lobby
Loyal to: Terra (?)

Jack Thompson - Jack Thompson's Office Mauled by Nazi Vampire Horde
Loyal to: Conservative Mothers

Millennium Zeppelin - Over St. Milarqi Mall Cut in half by NC
Loyal to: Millennium

Nazi Vampire Horde - EVERYWHERE Crushed by Millennium Zeppelin
Loyal to: Millennium

Leprechauns - Leprechaun's Own Gold
Loyal to: Seon

Mini Nazi Vampire Horde - Jack Thompson's Office
Loyal to: Millennium

Lone Nazi Vampire - Ahika's Green Tea
Loyal to: Millennium

STORES:

Games, Stopped in the 80s - Retro Game Store
OWNED BY KAISER

Bethseda Store - Merchandise Related to Bethseda, MD Store

Chara's Used Kitchen Knives - Used Knife Store
NO ALARM

DIY Heaven - Hardware Store

Private Jimmy's Southern Front Guns 'n Bazookas - WWII Gun Store

Cob Planet x-on-a-Cob Store
OWNED BY TERRA

Sauron's Smith - LOTR themed blacksmith and armory
NO ALARM

She Who Brings Light - Lucina Store
NO ALARM

Tanks in Advanced - Futuristic Tank Store

Vault Tec - Vault based dealership
NO ALARM

1st District Court of the City of Dinnertopia - Courthouse
OWNED BY SOUTHERNKING

Shinzaburo's Replica Swords - Replica Sword Store
NO ALARM

Jack Thompson's Office - Legal Services
ALARM DISABLED

Leprechaun's Own Gold - Jewerly Store
OWNED BY SEON

The New Coke Store - Soda store

Ahika's Green Tea - Japanese tea shop

 

[SouthernKing]

I make anime real in the car park

 

[KaiserElectric]

I sneak into a Gamestop expecting to find awesome vidya.

 

[gay_Aleks]

I go into the nearest BethSoft Inc. shop, while yelling something akin to the words of "The Vault Dweller died for this!".

 

[Seon]

I go to Chara's Used Knife dealership to find myself some used knives. Suspiciously ketchup splattered ones bonus.

 

[Ailedhoo]

Find the tool store (DIY Heaven should be a good place to start); I will need not just equipment to help me access the electronic applications of this store (I need a screwdriver) but to also get me a crowbar or other blunt weapon for self-defence.

 

[Civ'ed]

Try to locate Jimmy's Southern Arkansas Guns 'n Bazookas store. Gotta get dem large weps before the night is over!

 

[Terran Empress]

Find the nearest salesman rick to try to find a portal gun.

 

[NinjaCow64]

I pray to Saber for good luck in liberating her figurines from the evil bourgeois capitalist pigs!

 

[JohannaK]

I get into the Sauron's Smith store looking for badass indestructible & extra-light armour and blades.

 

[Omega124]

THIS GAME WILL ACCEPT SIGN UPS UNTIL THE END OF THIS WEEK. BE HERE OR BE SQUARE

I make anime real in the car park

4:You make Anime real, all right. You made Hellsing real. Suddenly, a Millenium zeppelin appears in the horizion. You reckon it will take about three turns to arrive, before an aerial assault of dieselpunk and vampire Nazis come.

Also you have one turn to get into the actual mall or the D1C3 G0DS will not be pleased kthnxbai

I sneak into a Gamestop expecting to find awesome vidya.

4: You located Games, Stopped in the 80s. It is a retro gaming store that specializes in Atari and Nintendo Games. You reckon there isn't anything more modern than the original Fire Emblem in there
4: No exclamation mark has appeared in this store yet, Solid Lec, but the alarm is still up

I go into the nearest BethSoft Inc. shop, while yelling something akin to the words of "The Vault Dweller died for this!".

2: You find the Bethseda Store, which sells a bunch of tourist souvenirs from Bethseda, Maryland
2: Tacky postcards sitting on a rack near the check out suddenly comes to life, and starts firing at you like shurikens!

ROLL TO DOGDE!

16: Bobing and weaving through the post cards, you feel like you're Neo from the Matrix. Woah, Tolni! (Gained perk: Bullet Time: +1 Dodging Projectiles!)

I go to Chara's Used Knife dealership to find myself some used knives. Suspiciously ketchup splattered ones bonus.

3: You find Chara's Used Kitchen Knife store. Can't be anything sharper here than a steak knife, and most are butters at that...
5: Looks like the low value of these used knives means the owner didn't even bother setting the alarm.

Find the tool store (DIY Heaven should be a good place to start); I will need not just equipment to help me access the electronic applications of this store (I need a screwdriver) but to also get me a crowbar or other blunt weapon for self-defence.

5: You find DIY Heaven, which is basicilly this song as an actual store
3: An angel wielding dual nailguns stares angrily at you. "Get," she yells.

Try to locate Jimmy's Southern Arkansas Guns 'n Bazookas store. Gotta get dem large weps before the night is over!

4: You find Private Jimmy's Southern Front Guns 'n Bazookas, which has a collection of various Americans guns authentic to the Italian Front in WW2
1: Every single gun in the store aims its sights at you, and unloads their entire magazine

ROLL TO DODGE!

11: You quickly duck down and away, and avoid the onslaught of lead

Find the nearest salesman rick to try to find a portal gun.

1: You find Cob Planet, a generic store which sells everything on a cob
6: Rick appears, drunk as ever, and throws the keys to the store at you. Drunkily burping, he declares "Yeah, it was a false alarm the first time, Beth. This store's your problem now. I'm going to go... do something else" (You now own Cob Planet!)

I pray to Saber for good luck in liberating her figurines from the evil bourgeois capitalist pigs!

20: You feel Saber's divine light rush throughout your body. After a few seconds of climatic energy, you find Saber's armor and Excalibur sitting in front of you. Surely you have received her blessing in this holy crusade (Obtain: Excalibur (+2 melee Attack) (Obtain: Saber's Armor (+2 defence, nullifies magic)

I get into the Sauron's Smith store looking for badass indestructible & extra-light armour and blades.

5: You find Sauron's Smith, which in fact does look like it came straight out of Mordor. Very impressive armor and swords are laid inside
5: Looks like the Orcs had better things to do than to set an alarm for this Smith. Sauron will probably be pissed.

 

[Ailedhoo]

5: You find DIY Heaven, which is basicilly this song as an actual store
3: An angel wielding dual nailguns stares angrily at you. "Get," she yells.

Calmly lie that I am a member of the Order of Messiah while secretly leaning to grab a bucket of paint; the content of paint can, if thrown right, be used to blind a threat, allow me time to free down the corridor and grab a hammer or crowbar to use as a weapon against the being. Of course if I am able to convince the angel I am no threat while leaning to the paint I can avoid violence all together but it is important to be prepared.

Once there is no longer a threat, either via diplomacy or its alternative, grab any electronic equipment and a screwdriver (along with a blunt weapon like a crowbar if I have not already) so I can prepare my quest to counter the security network.

 

[gay_Aleks]

what perk did I gain

 

[Civ'ed]

Pick up one of the guns and fire it at the other guns.

 

[Omega124]

Calmly lie that I am a member of the Order of Messiah which secretly leaning to grab a bucket of paint; the content of paint can, if thrown right, be used to blind a threat, allow me time to free down the corridor and grab a hammer or crowbar to use as a weapon against the being. Of course if I am able to convince the angel I am no threat while leaning to the paint I can avoid violence all together but it is important to be prepared.

Once there is no longer a threat, either via diplomacy or its alternative, grab any electronic equipment and a screwdriver (along with a blunt weapon like a crowbar if I have not already) so I can prepare my quest to counter the security network.

That's two orders, going to stop you there. Pick one or the other.

 

[JohannaK]

I grab the coolest, lightest, tightest suit of mithril armour., and the coolest, lightest sword. Preferably a katana.

 

[Seon]

I pick up the serrated edge steak knife. It hurts more going in if it's dull.

 

[SouthernKing]

I enter the mall, head for the nearest WC, and make anime real there

 

[NinjaCow64]

Knowing that Saber has blessed me, I find and enter nearest store that sells Saber figurines.