Sales

[CivFan91]

Every big company has a Sales department. But how do you get the salespeople trained? By coming to this thread, of course! Here we will translate what normal people say into salesperson-speak. For example:

Don't Say
Old technology

Do Say
Backward compatible

Don't say
Overpriced

Do say
Premium

Don't say
Piece of $#!t

Do say
Stands alone

Don't say
Unavailable

Do say
Can't keep it on the shelf

Don't say
"There's a cheaper version in the other store"

Do say
"I hear you may get something like this for slightly less money over there, but you should never settle for the lesser of two weasels."

If you think of more, post them here!

 

[Perfection]

Don't say
Plaugurized from Scott Adams...

Can anyone figure out the "do say"?

 

[Sophie 378]

"Thoroughly researched", of course!

 

[azzaman333]

Don't Say

Worthless

Do Say

Priceless

 

[CivFan91]

Don't say
Plaugurized from Scott Adams...

I prefer to say, as Sophie pointed out, "thouroughly researched".

Come on, though, do I have to give credit for every joke I find to the person I find it from? What if Scott here heard that elsewhere? It's where we get most of our joke repertoire.

 

[LLXerxes]

Don't Say:
It's used

Do Say:
Another intellegent individual personally tried out this product, but it's still in good shape.

Don't Say:
It's potentially lethal

Do Say:
It's tons of fun!

 

[Irish Caesar]

Don't Say:
It's used

Do Say:
Another intellegent individual personally tried out this product, but it's still in good shape.

Car dealers say "certified pre-owned," which sounds so stupid to me that I laugh often when I hear it on commercials.

 

[Taliesin]

From Dilbert:
"Our product complies with all international communications standards!"
"In other words, it doesn't do anything and it's not your fault."
"Um... do you have somebody less experienced I could talk to?"
"Depends. Do you have my boss's number?"

 

[Bushface]

There's no doubt that the true salesman looks at life differently from us ordinary mortals. For instance:
A sakesman and an engineer go off bear-hunting. The engineer gets up on the first morning to find the salesman long gone, so he settles down for a relaxing breakfast. Suddenly he hears running footsteps and the salesman rushes in, closely pursued by a very angry bear. The salesman escapes round the back, runs around and slams the door, shutting in the bear and the engineer, and as he does shouts "You deal with that one - I'll go and get another."

 

[Sildo]

Dont Say
"It's broken"
Do Say
"It comes with a free pack on cards"

 

[Aramazd]

Don't Say
It's poorly made

Do Say
It's affordable

 

[The Yankee]

Don't Say
"It's not finished yet."

Do Say
"Add-ons for the product will be released shortly to enhance your experience."

 

[Perfection]

I prefer to say, as Sophie pointed out, "thouroughly researched".

Come on, though, do I have to give credit for every joke I find to the person I find it from?

You should if you copied it directly from a book.

 

[CivFan91]

Very well. The original jokes came out of The Dilbert Principle, a Scott Adams book. Please go to www.dilbert.com and buy his products to show support for him.

Happy?

 

[Swiss Bezerker]

I knew it was Dilbert

 

[Bushface]

@SB - After the elephant died, somebody noticed the keeper crying and asked "Were you really that fond of your elephant ?". Through his sobs, the keeper replied "No, but I'm the one that's got to bury him."

 

[Swiss Bezerker]