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Sales

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by CivFan91, Jan 19, 2006.

  1. CivFan91

    CivFan91 Emperor

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2005
    Messages:
    1,590
    Location:
    USA
    Every big company has a Sales department. But how do you get the salespeople trained? By coming to this thread, of course! Here we will translate what normal people say into salesperson-speak. For example:

    Don't Say
    Old technology

    Do Say
    Backward compatible

    Don't say
    Overpriced

    Do say
    Premium

    Don't say
    Piece of $#!t

    Do say
    Stands alone

    Don't say
    Unavailable

    Do say
    Can't keep it on the shelf

    Don't say
    "There's a cheaper version in the other store"

    Do say
    "I hear you may get something like this for slightly less money over there, but you should never settle for the lesser of two weasels."

    If you think of more, post them here!
     
  2. Perfection

    Perfection The Great Head.

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    49,824
    Location:
    Salisbury Plain
    Don't say
    Plaugurized from Scott Adams...

    Can anyone figure out the "do say"?
     
  3. Sophie 378

    Sophie 378 Avvie by ybbor

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2005
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    2,422
    Location:
    bham.ac.uk #FIFTYCHAT >#civfanatics
    "Thoroughly researched", of course!
     
  4. azzaman333

    azzaman333 meh

    Joined:
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    22,877
    Location:
    Melbourne, AUS Reputation:131^(9/2)
    Don't Say

    Worthless

    Do Say

    Priceless
     
  5. CivFan91

    CivFan91 Emperor

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2005
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    1,590
    Location:
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    I prefer to say, as Sophie pointed out, "thouroughly researched".

    Come on, though, do I have to give credit for every joke I find to the person I find it from? What if Scott here heard that elsewhere? It's where we get most of our joke repertoire. :)
     
  6. LLXerxes

    LLXerxes Space Travel is Boring

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2004
    Messages:
    5,079
    Don't Say:
    It's used

    Do Say:
    Another intellegent individual personally tried out this product, but it's still in good shape.

    Don't Say:
    It's potentially lethal

    Do Say:
    It's tons of fun!
     
  7. Irish Caesar

    Irish Caesar Yellow Jacket

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,278
    Location:
    Atlanta, former CSA
    Car dealers say "certified pre-owned," which sounds so stupid to me that I laugh often when I hear it on commercials.
     
  8. Taliesin

    Taliesin Puttin' on the Ritz

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2003
    Messages:
    4,906
    Location:
    Montréal
    From Dilbert:
    "Our product complies with all international communications standards!"
    "In other words, it doesn't do anything and it's not your fault."
    "Um... do you have somebody less experienced I could talk to?"
    "Depends. Do you have my boss's number?"
     
  9. Bushface

    Bushface Deity

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    2,550
    Location:
    Torquay, England
    There's no doubt that the true salesman looks at life differently from us ordinary mortals. For instance:
    A sakesman and an engineer go off bear-hunting. The engineer gets up on the first morning to find the salesman long gone, so he settles down for a relaxing breakfast. Suddenly he hears running footsteps and the salesman rushes in, closely pursued by a very angry bear. The salesman escapes round the back, runs around and slams the door, shutting in the bear and the engineer, and as he does shouts "You deal with that one - I'll go and get another."
     
  10. Sildo

    Sildo A circle

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2005
    Messages:
    279
    Dont Say
    "It's broken"
    Do Say
    "It comes with a free pack on cards"
     
  11. Aramazd

    Aramazd Deity

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2003
    Messages:
    3,786
    Location:
    San Jose, California
    Don't Say
    It's poorly made

    Do Say
    It's affordable
     
  12. The Yankee

    The Yankee The New Yawker Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2002
    Messages:
    19,467
    Location:
    Minneapolis, MN
    Don't Say
    "It's not finished yet."

    Do Say
    "Add-ons for the product will be released shortly to enhance your experience."
     
  13. Perfection

    Perfection The Great Head.

    Joined:
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    You should if you copied it directly from a book.
     
  14. CivFan91

    CivFan91 Emperor

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Very well. The original jokes came out of The Dilbert Principle, a Scott Adams book. Please go to www.dilbert.com and buy his products to show support for him.

    Happy?
     
  15. Swiss Bezerker

    Swiss Bezerker Emperor

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    somewhere up north
    I knew it was Dilbert
     
  16. Bushface

    Bushface Deity

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    2,550
    Location:
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    @SB - After the elephant died, somebody noticed the keeper crying and asked "Were you really that fond of your elephant ?". Through his sobs, the keeper replied "No, but I'm the one that's got to bury him."
     
  17. Swiss Bezerker

    Swiss Bezerker Emperor

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    somewhere up north
    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     

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