Håkan Eriksson
Commander of the Swedes.
Santa Claus and his elves must be very productive to make all those toys, right? Their secret is Communism. The red suit gives it away. Forget what your parents might have told you, and forget all those television specials you saw about Santa Claus. They don't know the whole story. You can even forget about that kid who told you that Santa isn't real--that's just a myth the capitalists started out to cover up the fact that communism can be so successful. Here's the truth behind Santa:
Santa Claus didn't always make toys. He started out his career as a underpaid, mistreated factory worker during the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. He was different from his fellow workers: he was constantly thinking of ways he could make things better. He had great plans on how to improve everything--instead of competing with other factories, why not pool resources? You'd get a lot more done that way, it seemed to him. He gathered his courage one day, eyes gleaming, and approached his employer with his plan. The employer half-listened to Santa, and then just turned to him and asked, "Yes, but will I make more money?" Santa patiently explained to him that under his system, we wouldn't need money anymore. The greedy capitalist employer just scoffed at him.
To prove the effectiveness of his ideas to the world, Santa Claus decided to start completely from scratch, in the worst possible environment. He started to trek up to the Arctic Circle, gaining factory workers as followers as he travelled throughout Europe. Most people he asked were glad to leave, seeing as their working conditions were so poor due to the profit-craving factory owners. Finally arriving at the very center of the Arctic, the workers established a settlement, building it with their bare hands, using the ice as tools, sharing the particularly useful chunks of ice with the other members. Eventually, they had dwellings and a good set of tools carved out. Finding food, as one could imagine, was very hard the first few years, but with everyone pooling and rationing their food, they were able to survive quite nicely. In just a couple years, they were able to set up their own collective workshop.
Their venture was so successful that, in time, the production at the North Pole was so plentiful that they were able to devote their surplus energy to toymaking, and distributed the toys amongst the children of the world (as they are the only people today whose minds haven't yet been polluted by the ways of capitalism). He's been doing that ever since.
Santa Claus didn't always make toys. He started out his career as a underpaid, mistreated factory worker during the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. He was different from his fellow workers: he was constantly thinking of ways he could make things better. He had great plans on how to improve everything--instead of competing with other factories, why not pool resources? You'd get a lot more done that way, it seemed to him. He gathered his courage one day, eyes gleaming, and approached his employer with his plan. The employer half-listened to Santa, and then just turned to him and asked, "Yes, but will I make more money?" Santa patiently explained to him that under his system, we wouldn't need money anymore. The greedy capitalist employer just scoffed at him.
To prove the effectiveness of his ideas to the world, Santa Claus decided to start completely from scratch, in the worst possible environment. He started to trek up to the Arctic Circle, gaining factory workers as followers as he travelled throughout Europe. Most people he asked were glad to leave, seeing as their working conditions were so poor due to the profit-craving factory owners. Finally arriving at the very center of the Arctic, the workers established a settlement, building it with their bare hands, using the ice as tools, sharing the particularly useful chunks of ice with the other members. Eventually, they had dwellings and a good set of tools carved out. Finding food, as one could imagine, was very hard the first few years, but with everyone pooling and rationing their food, they were able to survive quite nicely. In just a couple years, they were able to set up their own collective workshop.
Their venture was so successful that, in time, the production at the North Pole was so plentiful that they were able to devote their surplus energy to toymaking, and distributed the toys amongst the children of the world (as they are the only people today whose minds haven't yet been polluted by the ways of capitalism). He's been doing that ever since.
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