Science humor

[Veritass]

Cool. It's the formula to draw Speed Racer.

 

[Smellincoffee]

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

(Spotted on a CafePress T-shirt.)

 

[Onionsoilder]

Speaking of T-Shirts, here is one I saw:

"Johnny was The Chemist's son, but Johnny is no more. What Johnny thought was H2O was H2SO4."

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

"How to get across a cliff"



Equation (and graph) for optimal urinal packing, avoiding the awkwardness of peeing in the next urinal to another guy.



Most optimal (peaks of graph).


Least optimal (troughs of graph).


Full details and discussion here.


"If Hollywood Taught Science Class"
Ionizing, non-ionizing, it's all good.






Hollywood med school.


Also goes for anime.


Computer hacking 101.


Screw conservation of momentum.


Classical mechanics question on physics final.


Does this work?

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

Scientifically accurate product warning labels.

CAUTION:
The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

People have a right to know the rest mass energy of the objects they handle, among other things.


Somewhat amusing cartoon about the history of polio.

 

[taper]

How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?
He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."


Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."


Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

The file you need
might be very useful.
But now it is gone

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.


Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.


With one foot in a bucket of ice water, and one foot in a bucket of boiling water, you are, on the average, comfortable.


People say that if you play Microsoft CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.


One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic.
"What's wrong?" asks e^x.
"There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"
"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hurt me. After all, I'm e^x."
So e^x walks down the street to the Differential Operator. "My friend tells me you're a Differential Operator," e^x says pompously. "Well, I'm e^x."
"Pleased to meet you, e^x," says the Differential Operator. "I'm d/dt.”


A plane is flying from Warsaw to Paris. The pilot announces that they are passing over Rotterdam, and the world's largest container ship is visible out of the windows on the right side.

POOF! The plane disappears in mid air- no trace of it is ever found.

A later analysis revealed that all the Poles had moved into the right half-plane.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist?
He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."

No matter how many times I read it, it's still funny.

One day, e^x sees x^2 running down the street in a panic.
"What's wrong?" asks e^x.
"There's a Differential Operator in town!" yells x^2. "If I run into him too many times, I'll disappear!"
"Don't worry," responds e^x. "I'll go have a chat with him. No, don't worry about me -- he can't hurt me. After all, I'm e^x."
So e^x walks down the street to the Differential Operator. "My friend tells me you're a Differential Operator," e^x says pompously. "Well, I'm e^x."
"Pleased to meet you, e^x," says the Differential Operator. "I'm d/dt.”


A plane is flying from Warsaw to Paris. The pilot announces that they are passing over Rotterdam, and the world's largest container ship is visible out of the windows on the right side.

POOF! The plane disappears in mid air- no trace of it is ever found.

A later analysis revealed that all the Poles had moved into the right half-plane.

I suck for not getting these, but still I must ask.

 

[taper]

I suck for not getting these, but still I must ask.

Hidden to not spoil it for everyone.

Spoiler :

Differentiation is often notated d/dx, using x for variables in equations. Take x^2, diff once and you get 2x. Do it again you get 2. Do it again you get 0. The derivative d/dx of e^x is e^x, completely unchanged. If you take d/dt e^x though, you get 0.

In control theory, a function is unstable if the poles of it's transfer function are imaginary, and when we plot these the real part is on the left half plane, and the imaginary is on the right half plane.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

That second one is just really advanced mathematics (from my frame of reference). That's hardly fair.

 

[taper]

That second one is just really advanced mathematics (from my frame of reference). That's hardly fair.

I wouldn't call it really advanced. Control theory hasn't really changed since the 50's, and any Electrical Engineer should have taken the class as an undergrad. I wouldn't expect the general population to get the joke, but the thread title is Science Humor.

More humor:

Next time someone asks you what's new, say c over Lambda. (Nu=c/L where Greek letter Nu stands for frequency, c is the speed of light, and L is wavelength. Works best as a verbal joke)


A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"


Three percent exceeds 2 percent by 50 percent, not by 1 percent.


Win·dows
Noun.
A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit operating system originally coded for a four-bit microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition.


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Unix Airlines: You walk out to the runway and they give you a box of tools and some airplane parts. The passengers form into groups and start building twelve different planes.

Air DOS: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ...

Mac Airlines: All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air: The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. This has spawned a huge magazine industry dedicated to customer survival, which eclipses all other aero magazines on the newsagent's shelf and ensures saturation advertising for the airline.

Windows NT Air: Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air: Having booked your flight, if you change your luggage you have to book a new seat. There is no refund. After flying for an hour the plane lands. The aeroplane is upgraded and the flight resumes. This happens again every hour. After a few hours, you are told that the plane cannot be upgraded further and you have to book a seat on a brand new, more expensive plane. There is no refund.

Linux Line: Disgruntled employees of all the other airlines decide to start their own. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the tickets, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of SEAT-HOWTO.HTML. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem; the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do *what* with the seat?"

RISCOS Airways: You thought this British airline long dead and are amazed to discover they are still in business - flying many types of airplane from several manufacturers. The seats are classic and the staff are a likeable but sometimes limited bunch (they are obviously not paid enough). The plane flies fast and easy. You try to tell your friends about the great trip, but they all pretend to be deaf.

BeOS Air: Well-organized, comfortable, reliable, safe, fast. Great! If only they flew your route.
Then there are the Feeder Lines...

Palm Am: Cool and stylish image, but the decor is a bit cheap when you look closely. Don't think of flying far or carrying more than your lunch box.

WinCE Air: Hyped as Windows Air in a smaller plane, but flew v-e-r-y s-l-o-w and soon ran out of gas, landing you in a ploughed field. And there wasn't even room for your lunchbox. Now re-branded as Air Pocket.

Symbian Air Services: The Flying EPOC Line was started by a British aircraft manufacturer, rebranded, bought into by a multinational syndicate and is now the biggest in Europe. It gets you there in style, providing its own airport bus to sync with Windows Air's schedule better than Air Pocket does. Some planes even show in-flight movies. But your friends have all gone deaf again.

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

I wouldn't call it really advanced. Control theory hasn't really changed since the 50's, and any Electrical Engineer should have taken the class as an undergrad. I wouldn't expect the general population to get the joke, but the thread title is Science Humor.

Fine, not advanced. But I doubt I'm going to study it.

2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

Only the SCAM supporters say that.

Three percent exceeds 2 percent by 50 percent, not by 1 percent.

I guess it helps to distinguish between percentage and percentage points.

 

[Annex]

/
/

 

[SS-18 ICBM]

Helicase.

 

[LAnkou]

one of my favorites:

In the physicist heaven, they decide to play tag and Einstein is counting. They all run to hide except Newton who is staying a few meters from einstein...
While counting (45...46...47...), Einstein sees that Newton is drawing something on the ground. When the count is up (50!!!), Albert move to Isaac, standing on his very beautiful square shape drawing.
Albert: Tag, you're it!!!
Isaac: I don't think so!!!
Albert: what do you mean, Isaac? You're not protected while being in that shape.
Isaac: No, but i'm a Newton on 1 square meter...you caught Pascal!!!

 

[Mirc]

I know you're not going to believe this, but here goes anyway...

(a bit of introduction so this thing makes sense)
When I had my final highschool exams, something that's notoriously difficult in this country, I had to take them earlier than normal, as they were overlapping with my uni-admission exams, and so I ended up in the "special session" together with a bunch of very well-prepared sportsmen who were having their international olympiads in the same time as their exams, and therefore also needed to take them earlier in order to be able to participate. You must imagine that those guys are literally the biggest persons you can find around here, as some of them were going at the olympiads for boxing, body-building, polo, etc - but obviously, many of them spending so much time on their daily training, they were on average not exactly geniuses in science and culture... (to say the least)

Anyway, one of those guys heard that a good part of the mathematics-as-a-secondary-subject exam had answer variants, and figured it would be easier to cheat/copy, so he picked that. So what happens next?

His paper was corrected, and copied by some teachers and published in a magazine, as his answer to one of the questions without answer variants was...

Spoiler :

A horizontal 7!!!

Just like in your picture, only that it was a 7 and not a 5...

Yes. I'm serious.

 

[Fr8monkey]

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary, those that do and those that dont.

 

[classical_hero]

Due to this picture, I think it would be fun to make real words only based from letters from the Periodic table. There have already had a few done in the Funny picture thread, but this is a better place for that type of humour.

 

[Omni314]

well i do seem to have started something here, ive got some more,

[Pr][O][Cr][As][Ti][Na][Ti][O][N]
praseodymium, oxygen, chromium, arsenic, titanium, sodium, titanium, oxygen, nitrogen

[N][O][N][Re][P][Re][Se][N][Ta][Ti][O][N][Al]

nitrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, rhenium, phosphorus, rhenium, selenium, nitrogen, tantalum, titanium, oxygen, nitrogen, aluminum

Flourine Uranium Carbon Potassium ;-)

F Am O U S
Am Er I Ca N

Omni
Oxygen
Manganese
Iodine

and whlist im here

 

[Heretic_Cata]

 

[Mirc]

Hey, I've always thought about that!

Although he would die before he would have the time to asphyxiate... The pressure of his body is way higher than the pressure around him (0) therefore his body would act like a balloon in a vacuum - e.g. explode.