Scrooge will be proud

[Dann]

骨灰级抠门教程：
（1）做饭时，多凉拌，少煎炒。可省煤气，且凉拌不破坏蔬菜原有维生素和营养物质。
（2）吃饭时，对老婆讲恶心笑话。每顿可节省馒头一个或米饭半碗，并有助于老婆减肥。（此法早饭不可用！否则饿出病来要花医药费。）
（3）看电视拿望远镜到阳台/窗台看对面家的。不仅能节省电费，还可治疗近视。
（4）袜子一般不穿，有人问就说是肉色的。
（5）出门一律步行。2公里以内散步，5公里以内快走，10公里以内跑步，10公里以上跑一段歇一段。省钱的同时，气死那些去健身房的傻瓜。
（6）周末无事时，可找一乞丐并蹲在其旁。如有路人投币而未中其碗，可速检之。若乞丐侧目怒视，可告之：“我检的！”

Translation:

Tips for misers:
(1) When cooking, do more cold dishes, less stir-fry. Not only do you save on gas, salads don't destroy veggies' latent vitamins and nutrition.
(2) When eating, tell disgusting jokes to your wife. You can easily save a bun or half a bowl of rice every meal, and it helps with her weight-loss program too. (Note: Do not use this tactic at breakfast! If she falls sick from malnutrition you have to spend for medical treatment.)
(3) Instead of watching your own TV buy a pair of binoculars and watch the neighbor's from your balcony or window. Not only do you save on electric bills, keep it up and you might even cure yuor own nearsightedness.
(4) Never wear socks. If anyone asks tell them your socks are flesh-colored.
(5) Walk everywhere. Under 2 kilometers? Stroll. Under 5 kilometers? Brisk walk. Under 10 kilometers? Jog. More than 10 kilometers? Run + rest breaks.
(6) On weekends when you have nothing to do, look for a beggar and squat down beside him. Whenever a passerby drops a coin and it misses his bowl you can then grab the coin. If the beggar throws dagger looks at you just tell him: "It's on the street! That's neutral territory! Finders keepers!"

 

[Thorvald of Lym]

Y'know, those seem rather tempting... Our neighbours have a big flat-screen T.V. that you can -almost- watch from across the street. All I need is a universal remote...

What's the source?

 

[Dann]

Teh local newspaper.

Jokes and comics page.

 

[Swedishguy]

You have TVs in China?

 

[Dann]

No, we have boxes that look like TVs, but all they do is give off this whitish glow. No pictures at all. We position them in such a way that the neighbors can't see what's showing and will see only the glow. Since everyone can't see other houses' TVs the lie is perpetuated that China has TVs.

Hey in fact all the skyscrapers, airports, highways, etc. being built now are fake. They're all giant empty shells made for the express purpose of deceiving Google Earth.

Sheesh.

 

[Paradigne]

No, we have boxes that look like TVs, but all they do is give off this whitish glow. No pictures at all. We position them in such a way that the neighbors can't see what's showing and will see only the glow. Since everyone can't see other houses' TVs the lie is perpetuated that China has TVs.

Hey in fact all the skyscrapers, airports, highways, etc. being built now are fake. They're all giant empty shells made for the express purpose of deceiving Google Earth.

Sheesh.

I'm sorry but that response is better then the OP. I liked that one too

 

[obliterate]

A real commie attitude.

 

[Perfection]

Hey in fact all the skyscrapers, airports, highways, etc. being built now are fake. They're all giant empty shells made for the express purpose of deceiving Google Earth.

You guys can't make those shells, they'd have to be built of something other then mud.

 

[lutzj]

No, we have boxes that look like TVs, but all they do is give off this whitish glow. No pictures at all. We position them in such a way that the neighbors can't see what's showing and will see only the glow. Since everyone can't see other houses' TVs the lie is perpetuated that China has TVs.

Hey in fact all the skyscrapers, airports, highways, etc. being built now are fake. They're all giant empty shells made for the express purpose of deceiving Google Earth.

Sheesh.

So that drunken homeless guy WAS right...