The problem is that in CiV the hit for winning a war is can be so crippling it may as well be game over.
Totally disagree, you just have to war in a way that doesn't overwhelm your infrastructure, and, again, PAY ATTENTION during peace negotiations. I have never experienced a war where accomplishing my goals hurt my game, unless my goals were unreasonable in the context of my current infrastructure. As a result, my wars in domination games are quite often on-again-off again affairs with alternating periods of expansion and consolidation.
If an AI DoWs on you and you essentially cant take cities or screw yourself
How so? I've frequently taken cities from an aggressor AI. If I take it too far, I get the 'bloodthirsty' diplo hit with others, but c'est la vie. If I have the military and infrastructure to support being an aggressor, who cares? If I don't, the mistake was turning the tables in the first place.
Seriously, AI offers X, you quit the deal, and X is no longer possible when you go back. Happens all the time.
Not to me it doesn't. Just last night, in fact, I quit a peace offering from an AI civ. On my next turn, I explored the cities they offered, deemed them desirable, even in the face of a large happiness hit (Cerro was involved). So, I reopened and asked what he would give me for peace. Initially, only one of the two cities he originally offered were there, but I took some stuff off his side, added the second city back, added a little gold to my side, and it was a done deal.
To a builder, war essentially is a no win scenario in ciV.
Totally disagree, you just have to use war in a much more circumspect fashion. Take one or two cities that you truly *need* to maintain an advantage, and then just take up defensive positions until your enemy's army is depleted enough that they'll take peace. I love doing this in diplo or science victories, where building is by far my primary focus. For cultural victories, it's good to stay small, so I avoid war as much as possible and trade like crazy.