So I "understand" myself now

Harbringer

Your A One Flower Garden
Joined
Apr 4, 2004
Messages
3,074
Location
Shoveling Hills of Blue
So, I'm selfish, I'm spoiled, Ive worked for all the things I have that make me spoiled in the hot sun but I'm still spoiled regardless, even if it is self-inflicted, I never stop nagging till I get what I want, when I get mad(which is one thing I actually can say I almost like about myself, because I got it under control for the most part, I only get mad maybe once a year at most) I go crazy and destroy and don't care about anything, I'm lazy, I'm always avoiding responsibility and I'm always looking for easy or quick ways to do or accomplish things, I have no accomplishments that I can really call major, I absolutely despise myself, the way I am, the way I hold myself and the way I look, I hate people who remind me of me, I stereotype, I generalize and stereotype, I am however, very intelligent and quick witted, I can write and speak well, I can convince people to do anything, im very elitist when it comes to intelligence when quite frankly I'm actually dumb.

So, I understand myself very well, and supposedly that's some kind of first step to enlightenment, so what do I do now, now that I understand myself better than ever before?
 
Sounds like a good first step on the path to real growth. Next step is to ask yourself what kind of person you would like to be, so that you can be proud of yourself, and work towards being that sort of person. Good luck.
 
It's easy to be arrogant when you are right.
 
And that's all that's to come about it?
 
I dont see the real big issue here, yes so I here and there manipulate a few people into doing my bidding for me but it serves them right for trusting me. I've always state to people that I'm emotionally ******ed and could exploit them or screw with them for my enjoyment, but they rarely back off. Indeed they are glad to use me to their dirty work for 'em. You use people, people use you and it's all a big circle of life. Yadda yadda yadda.
 
Hail brother?
There is a saying: "a real pig doesn't understand that she is a pig", so as it was said, its good that you came this far. What is it you want exactly? from yourself or from others?
 
Sounds like a good first step on the path to real growth. Next step is to ask yourself what kind of person you would like to be, so that you can be proud of yourself, and work towards being that sort of person. Good luck.
I approve of this message.
 
Sounds like a good first step on the path to real growth. Next step is to ask yourself what kind of person you would like to be, so that you can be proud of yourself, and work towards being that sort of person. Good luck.

I also approve the above.

And that's all that's to come about it?

No, the above is only the second step.
 
I dont see the real big issue here, yes so I here and there manipulate a few people into doing my bidding for me but it serves them right for trusting me. I've always state to people that I'm emotionally ******ed and could exploit them or screw with them for my enjoyment, but they rarely back off. Indeed they are glad to use me to their dirty work for 'em. You use people, people use you and it's all a big circle of life. Yadda yadda yadda.

You just want to see yourself as some cold and apathetic dude who uses people and doesn't care about it, because that has a certain romanticism to it that is surely missing from your real life. I would bet $1000 that in real life you're a rather dorky, average dude who's manipulativeness is all in his head, a quite sad/pathetic defense mechanism that is fed by the music you listen to and the games you play. You do not know yourself at all. :cooool:
 
Good to see your still maintaining that that hip cool guy who can see what everyone is truly like on the inside image. Now to vivisect your post.

You just want to see yourself as some cold and apathetic dude who uses people and doesn't care about it, because that has a certain romanticism to it that is surely missing from your real life.

I see myself as a morally bankrupt, emotionally crippled adolescent with a weakness to redheads. I dont really care much about other people or what they think of me with exception of my one true droog who's been there whenever I needed him. He's possibly the only person I care about.
I would bet $1000 that in real life you're a rather dorky, average dude who's manipulativeness is all in his head, a quite sad/pathetic defense mechanism that is fed by the music you listen to and the games you play.

Well I am geeky/nerdy, but I dont come off as such because my social masks are like real harasho. Defense mechanism? Nah, I'm thick skinned from 8 years of bullying and intense making fun of me. Was dorky in elem and middle school as you said, but aint no longer. As for the music and games...what difference does it make? I listen to a rather broad spectrum of rock/electronic/metal and play a broad genre of games.

You do not know yourself at all. :cooool:

I'm pretty sure I do. Spent an entire year experimenting and trying to figure it out. I have mental split, one side is a good guy with feelings and crap and the other is a detached suave bastard. Right now I'm in the suave bastard phase because the touchy feely goody guy had a rather nasty split with a redhead and is currently cynical about the whole having feelings stuff and the world in general. This makes me seem evil because now both halves are leaning towards the yin side rather then the usual equilibrium I have worked so hard to create.

Now that your daily quota of being an oomny smartass is fulfilled, be a real harasho malchick and go back to your malenky den of tomfoolery.
 
now should go sit under a tree for several years, contemplating on existence. do what buddha did. personally, i'd just watch animal planet...
 
So, I'm selfish, I'm spoiled, Ive worked for all the things I have that make me spoiled in the hot sun but I'm still spoiled regardless, even if it is self-inflicted, I never stop nagging till I get what I want, when I get mad(which is one thing I actually can say I almost like about myself, because I got it under control for the most part, I only get mad maybe once a year at most) I go crazy and destroy and don't care about anything, I'm lazy, I'm always avoiding responsibility and I'm always looking for easy or quick ways to do or accomplish things, I have no accomplishments that I can really call major, I absolutely despise myself, the way I am, the way I hold myself and the way I look, I hate people who remind me of me, I stereotype, I generalize and stereotype, I am however, very intelligent and quick witted, I can write and speak well, I can convince people to do anything, im very elitist when it comes to intelligence when quite frankly I'm actually dumb.

So, I understand myself very well, and supposedly that's some kind of first step to enlightenment, so what do I do now, now that I understand myself better than ever before?


So, I'm selfish,

I'll say, you used the word "I" 34 times in this single post.

Oh, and, uh, John slides in before the close.
 
Well, there was actually quite a bit more I could have wrote, but I thought by then you would have the general idea. I'm just all shelled up from past experiences, my GF always tells me I'm never open enough, my parents tell me I'm never opened up enough, my friends always tell me I'm to shelled up. I know that being emotionally scarred is just a part of life, but Ive had a few big ones and I'm now actually just afraid to give anybody else to much value in terms of bearing or opinion. My friends think I'm "cool" because I'm an . .. .. .. .. .. .. . to everyone and I'm all "hard" and stuff, but I hate it, and admittedly, just like Cleric I used to find some kind of Romanticism in that, but now I'm just tired of it but I cant seem to move on, and once you v created a spot for yourself and everybody sees you in it, you get weird looks and odd treatment when you try to break free of it.
 
Been there, done that. First of - its not a problem, it is a consequence of past experiences. If you were in a war, you'd be called "normal". Its a state of mind and if you are tired of it - you need to change it accordingly.
Your surroundings determine your attitude, so if I were you I would limit the places and people that make me feel "cool" and "hard ass*d". Make new friends, start talking o your parents. I managed to restore some of my "missing contact" with my parents by taking dinner with them every time I could, not eating on my own at 11 at night or outside as I was used to. You want to be "warmer?" Be warmer! Talk, share, get involved. But be careful not to open yourself too much to the wrong people (probably something you worry about?). I have thee or four close friends I talk to about personal things, the rest know me as someone who never shares anything personal. I do, just not with you, tyvm ;)

Hope this was of help
 
my friends always tell me I'm to shelled up
This one is easy to fix. Open up to the person you feel you trust the most & trusts you the most. If he's a good enough friend he won't be bothered by this change.
start talking o your parents. I managed to restore some of my "missing contact" with my parents by taking dinner with them every time I could, not eating on my own at 11 at night or outside as I was used to.
How on earth did you manage this, i can't imagine. (the talking to your parents part, not the eating home part :lol:) I simply can't do it. 3/4 of every discussion we have ends up with them ranting about something or about me. :crazyeye:
I have thee or four close friends I talk to about personal things, the rest know me as someone who never shares anything personal. I do, just not with you, tyvm ;)
Hope this was of help
Wow, you're lucky. So far i could only find 1 guy to wich i can actually open up and say anything at all. I hope i'll find more people like him. :) The odd thing is that a LOT of people find it easy to open up to ME. And i tried talking about personal things to them (only because they did it first) but that got bad.
 
Top Bottom