The Flat

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Virote_Considon, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. Virote_Considon

    Virote_Considon The Great Dictator

    Jul 7, 2004
    Skaville UK Reputation: 1
    The Flat is the name of the TV show I have been slowly working on over the last couple of years with a friend. It's an alternative comedy, heavily influenced by others like The Young Ones, The Comic Strip Presents and Not The Nine O'Clock News, among many others. I don't know if anyone remembers, but a while ago (about half a year, maybe longer), I said I'd post some material from it here, and this is what the thread is for.

    The show is a sitcom based around five guys sharing a flat, these all being self-insertions and caricatures of myself and people I know. The "flatmates", as I like to call them, are Virote and Rok, the writers of a potential TV show which is also named "The Flat", Toxxi, Tommuel, the always-sampling noize musician, and the aptly-named Arnold Pervert. Other characters include their unbearable and pathetic landlord, Ricky, who considers himself a "world-class comedian", although his jokes are about as funny as being eaten alive by a pack of wild dogs, the flatmates' friend Aidan who has many different jobs, and a character known only as "That Girl", who's parties are legendary.

    One of the running gags in the series is that it is made with as little budget as possible, so you're going to see many purposely-bad looking props, and not many famous faces.

    This is the final scene from episode three, entitled "TV". This is actually a stand-alone scene, so you don't need to know the rest of the episode:
    Spoiler :
    Scene 8 - They Meet

    (Scene begins back in town, just outside Debenhams. The flatmates are all standing outside it, about to go in. Enter Security Guard from Debenhams.)

    Security Guard: You lot! You're in too big a group, and therefore could be counted as a terrorist cell. Disperse now, or you'll wish you had done!

    *The Flatmates look at each other in confusion*

    Tomm: *irked* What the hell are you on about? We're obviously not a terrorist cell! I mean, look at us!

    Toxxi: Yeah. Well, apart from Arnold. He's probably a terrorist.

    *The Flatmates (inc. Arnold) all nod their heads in agreement*

    Security Guard: Well, the government has given me a near infinite expanse of powers to deal with any groups who I deem as a terrorist group, and I'm now deeming you a terrorist group!

    Toxxi: *proving a point* So, what would these infinite powers consist of?

    Security Guard: I can make you wish you had dispersed!

    Rok: *proving a point* How?

    Security Guard: By using the powers granted to me within the Terrorism Dispersion Act.

    Virote: And these powers consist of?

    Security Guard: Being able to disperse large crowds, for one...

    Arnold: And what methods do you have of dispersing us?

    Security Guard: Ah! That would be the methods detailed within the Terrorism Dispersion Act.

    Tomm: *getting angry* These methods being?

    *The Security Guard backs up a little in shock*

    Security Guard: *taken aback* I feel insulted that you dare question the near infinite authority granted within the Act! In fact, now I'm angry. Pretty darned angry!

    *Arnold rolls his eyes*

    Arnold: *sarcastic* What are you going to do? Disperse us to death?

    Security Guard: *matter-of-fact* No. I'm going to use the full authority of the act to enforce my own authority.

    Virote: *shouting, pissed* WHICH MEANS?

    Security Guard: If I was you I'd disperse now. Right now.


    Security Guard: Ah. Well, here's the interesting part, which you don't seem to be able to understand.

    Rok: *serious* Just tell us, then!

    Security Guard: Alright. I'm going to be using the full powers enabled within the Act.

    *Virote lets out a scream of agony*

    Virote: AURGH!

    *The Security Guard steps back in shock again*

    Security Guard: *really, really crotchety* Right. That's it. I've had it. You lot are in for the ultimate of punishments if you do not disperse within sixty seconds!

    Toxx: *irked* Oh, for the love of God, tell us what your gonna do already.

    Security Guard: Right, you're going to be in for it now!

    Rok: *serious* Which entails, without mentioning the name of the act or the fact that we're "in-for-it"

    Security Guard: Right if you don't disperse within 60 seconds...

    *The Security Guard looks around at the Flatmates in a sort of combination of smugly and menacingly*

    Security Guard: ... I'm going to write your names down... And hand them to my superior! *excited* Ha! Not so chuffed now, are you?

    Arnold *quietly, to himself*: But you don't know our names...

    Tomm: And more importantly, what the :):):):) are you going to do with our names once you've written them?

    Security Guard: *smug* I'm going to send them to my superior!

    Rok: And then what'll happen after that?

    Security Guard: *smug* He'll write your name down and hand it to his superior!

    Virote: And then?

    Security Guard: Well, what he will do, is write down your name and hand it to his superior!

    Toxx: And after that?

    Security Guard: Right. Here's where it gets scary. He'll write down your names, and hand it to his superior!

    Arnold: And then?

    Security Guard: And then he'll write your names down... And send it to the police...

    *The Flatmates look at each other in shock*

    Security Guard: ...And they have a whole array of superiors!

    *The Flatmates stop the shocked expressions*

    Tomm: And what happens afterwards?

    Security Guard: Well, eventually, they will be sent up from the police, through the ranks, until eventually one combat battalion serving in either Iraq or Afghanistan will be flown home, so that they can write your names down, and send it to their MP!

    Rok: What'll the outcome be of this?

    Security Guard: Well, they'll raise the issue of the House of Commons.

    Toxxi: Then?

    *Pomp and Circumstance starts playing, and all of a sudden, the Flatmates and the Security Guard are on top of a skyscraper, with a red carpet extending from the entrance to the roof. Enter Gordon Brown from said entrance*

    Gordon Brown: *speech* This government is getting tough on crime! And to get tough on crime, we need stiff penalties! This is why, as from today, I am making sure all criminals receive a Worthers' Original from me personally! Their punishment shall therefore be stiff and severe! I remember my first Prime Ministerial Worthers' Original... Back when it was called seven years' pris!...

    Rok: Wait. So our punishment, our ultimate punishment, is a free Worthers' Original?

    *Music stops*

    Security Guard: Yes! Not so clever now, are we?

    Virote: But I love Worthers' Originals! Where's the catch?

    Security Guard: The catch is that it's a Prime Ministerial Worthers' Original!

    Tomm: Yeah, but we get to both commit a crime and get off Scott free with nothing but a Worthers' Original for our troubles. What could the catch possibly be?

    Arnold: Yeah, I mean, what could be better than a free Worthers' Original?

    Security Guard: Ha! But don't you realize the social stigma attached to those Worthers' Originals?

    Toxxi: Yeah, but I mean, come on, a free Worthers' Original? That's gotta be worth any such social stigma right there!

    Security Guard: *defensive* But a huge social stigma certainly cannot be worth it, just for a Worthers' Original, can it?

    *The flatmates look around each other and nod their heads*

    Toxxi: Yes, it is.

    Gordon Brown: *speech*... Not only does this sentence bring about a stiff punishment, but it also serves to rehabilitate the offenders, as they see that, through the sweetness of the Worthers' Original, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And furthermore, it protects the public, as a criminal sucking on a Worthers' Original surely does not have the time to be out there committing crimes! Finally, it serves as a deterrent from future crimes!

    *The Flatmates look at Gordon Brown with confused facial expressions*

    Arnold: **** this. I just want my Worthers' Original!

    *Scene ends, credits, etc.*

    So yeah, discuss away!

    EDIT: More material
  2. holy king

    holy king Deity

    Jan 3, 2003
    Vienna, Austria
    i laughed.
  3. Mise

    Mise isle of lucy

    Apr 13, 2004
    London, UK
    I think your title needs work but I didn't read the rest of it. The concept is amusing, as I like The Young Ones.
  4. Jawz II

    Jawz II Oh Dear

    Feb 5, 2004
    Arizona Bay
    That was cool.
  5. Joecoolyo

    Joecoolyo 99% Lightspeed

    Apr 8, 2008
    That was actually pretty funny
  6. homeyg

    homeyg Deity

    Jan 12, 2004
    Nice work!
  7. PeteAtoms

    PeteAtoms FormulaRandom

    Aug 13, 2002
    Land of Ooo
    Ok, so I googled "Worthers Original" and got two results. I'm kind of wondering which one it is, and what kind of social stigma either one entails?
  8. aelf

    aelf Ashen One

    Sep 16, 2005
    Tir ná Lia
  9. CavLancer

    CavLancer This aint fertilizer

    Jan 2, 2003
    Oregon or Philippines
    I thought this was a show about my first girlfriend.
  10. Virote_Considon

    Virote_Considon The Great Dictator

    Jul 7, 2004
    Skaville UK Reputation: 1
    Thanks, guys.

    The title cannot change; it predates the show itself. Anyway, after this show gets popular, I plan on making the upper-class version, "The Condo".

    The candy. The social stigma would come from the fact that it's being given as a punishment. Or, at least that is what the powers-that-be want to believe.


    It totally is. Can't you tell?
  11. azzaman333

    azzaman333 meh

    Apr 9, 2005
    Melbourne, AUS Reputation:131^(9/2)
    I'd watch it.
  12. Abaddon

    Abaddon Deity

    Apr 20, 2002
    NES/FG/SF Activity:Arguing the toss
    I don't get it. It seems quite Terry Pratchett in the "stupid authoritan" figure. As for the sudden interjection of WO.. really don't get that either


  13. Shekwan

    Shekwan Kim Chi Quaffing Celt

    Mar 25, 2006
    South Korea

    Pedos use it. Apparently.
  14. Virote_Considon

    Virote_Considon The Great Dictator

    Jul 7, 2004
    Skaville UK Reputation: 1
    Here are all the parts of episode 7 where Virote is working in the office with Ricky. I haven't included the parts when he's not working in the office, although did include a part of scene to add context. What is going on there (as you would have found out had I posted the whole episode) is that Tommuel keeps "freeing" Arnold from his job (then getting angry with him later for not having a job). Arnold's previous jobs include a slave of the Landlord's wife, an ice-cream server at an ice cream shop, a doctor, and finally... Well, you'll see...

    Spoiler :
    Scene 1

    (The camera cuts to Virote looking bored in the office. He's sitting at his computer. Two male and one female co-workers are also doing the same. The door to Ricky's office can be seen)

    *Enter Ricky the Landlord from his office door*

    Ricky: Virote, could you come into my office, please?

    *Ricky goes into his office. Virote gets up and follows Ricky through.*

    (Camera goes to Ricky's office. Inside, there is Ricky's computer desk and a chair behind it, in the back-right corner. There are three chairs along the left-hand side, and another chair in front of Ricky's computer, facing left.)

    *Enter Ricky, who sits down on one of the three left-hand chairs. Enter Virote, who sits in the one in front of the desk*

    Ricky *cheerful*: So, then, here you are, in the office, with me your pal and landlord! Have you been settling in well?

    Virote *happy*: Yeah, I have been.

    Virote *cheerful*: Right. Been getting to know everyone?

    Virote: Yeah, I have!

    Ricky *cheerful, concerned*: Good. Is there anyone you can say you don't like?

    Virote: No, not really, they all seem like pretty cool people.

    Ricky *still cheerful*: Good. Because you're going to choose which one gets fired. So, who you going to choose?

    *Virote's eyes widen in shock, and he juts back a little*

    Virote *taken aback*: What? I dunno? Could I choose you?

    *Ricky's eyes widen in shock, and he juts back a little*

    Ricky: *scared* Well, erm... Technically maybe...

    *Ricky lets out a nervous laugh and points at Virote*

    Ricky *nervously happy*: But it's great that we can have a laugh with each other like this!

    *Stops pointing*

    Ricky *serious, happy*: Right, the way I see it, you've got three choices. There's hard working man. Hard working woman. Hard working man number two. And then there's you. HINT HINT.

    *Points at Virote again*


    Scene 3

    (The camera goes to Virote at the office, sitting on a chair, getting on with his work, like the rest of the 3 employees)

    *Enter Ricky, from his office*

    Ricky: Hey, everyone! I'm going to make coffee! Who wants some?

    *The employees look up at Ricky, in confusion*

    Virote: Alight, I'll have one...

    Hard Working Man: I'll have one, too!

    Hard Working Woman: I will as well!

    Hard Working Man Number Two: Could I have a cup of tea?

    Ricky: Alright, alright, so that's four coffees and a tea? Okay, I'll get to it!

    *Ricky leaves*

    HWM: I wonder what's got into him? He's not usually that generous...

    *HWW shrugs*


    still scene 3

    (Camera cuts back to the office, with the 4 employees in the same positions)

    *Enter Ricky*

    Ricky *cheerful*: Hey, guys. Working hard?

    HWM *enquiring*: Where's our coffees, which you said you'd get an hour ago?

    *Ricky looks taken aback*

    Ricky *serious*: Right. A man walks into a bar. He's holding your bonuses. He says "I'd like to order 300 beers, please". He then says “I’d like to order three hundred packets of crisps please. Oh and can you bring it all to that table outside please? Cheers.” There’s a girl in the bar. The man and that girl exchange a few looks. Something happens between them later. *Chuckle* Someone puts something on on the jukebox. The man who walked into the bar loves this song. The man who walked into the bar then says “If you want to see your bonuses this year, I wouldn't mention the coffees again”. Or any other drinks, for that matter. Crystal?

    (Scene ends)

    Scene 5

    (The scene begins in the office. The 4 employees are all in their positions (inc. Virote))

    *Enter Ricky, from his office. He walks up to Virote*

    Ricky: Hey there, Virote!

    *Virote looks up*

    Virote: Hey Ricky

    *Ricky takes 2 tickets out from his pocket*

    Ricky: So, I've got two tickets to see Pissing Tomm. Would you like to join me?
    ("Pissing Tomm" is a gag from elsewhere in the episode)

    *Virote looks at Ricky in confusion*

    Virote *suspicious*: What, like a date?

    Ricky: *cheerful* Yes!... *defensive* No!... *cheerful* Yes!... The guys are coming, too!

    Virote: No, they're not. You've only got two tickets!

    Ricky *smug*: Yeah, I know. I don't like the guys.

    still scene 5...

    (The camera cuts back to Virote at the office. The floor is not visible until I say so. (Not me the character, me the writer))

    *Enter Ricky, carrying a tray of coffees*

    Ricky *cheerful*: Don't say I don't do nothing for you!

    HWM: Wow! That's unusually generous of you, Ricky!

    Ricky: Yeah, does that mean you like me anymore?

    HWM *awkward*: Well-

    Ricky *interrupting*: How about if I did this?

    *Ricky starts to do his dance. The coffees fly everywhere*

    (Camera zooms out a little to reveal masses of plastic coffee cups on the floor, almost covering it up)

    *The employees look on at Ricky in confusion*

    Scene 7

    (Camera goes to Arnold, wearing a suit, surrounded by people wearing suits and a crowd of people. They are all walking along the street)

    Suit 1: Mister Prime Minister, what should we do about your three o'clock?

    Arnold: Erm... Cancel it. I really can't be arsed to be talking to the Iranians at this juncture.

    Suit 2: And your three ten?

    Arnold: I've got to go to that one.

    Suit 3: You were good on the radio the other day, mister Prime Minister.

    Arnold: I don’t get radio. You can’t see the people talking. I just couldn’t find them anywhere. How do you know where the sound is coming from?

    Suit 3: Radio is an audio medium mister Prime Minister.

    Arnold: It’s not very medium if it doesn’t have visuals. Is there anything else on the agenda?

    Suit 1: Yes, you need to meet one of your constituents. He's going to come up to you right now.

    Arnold: What? But I'm not even in my constituency!

    Suit 1: Yes, I know. But he insisted on meeting you here.

    Arnold: Well, where is he, then?

    *Indiana music, Tomm, still wearing the oranges*

    Arnold: Oh, for the love of God. Noo, Tomm, go away.

    Tomm: Don't worry, Arnold, you shall be oppressed no more!

    Arnold: I'm not being oppressed. I am the most powerful man in the country. Now bugger off.

    Tomm: Oh no! You've got a really bad case of Stockholm syndrome! Don't worry, Arnold, I'll save you!

    Arnold: Oh, for :):):):) sake. Tomm, this is my sixth job this week. And it's only Tuesday. Can't you just leave me alone for five seconds?

    *Tomm looks at his watch for five seconds*

    Tomm: Five. Right, come on, Arnold, I'm freeing you from the chains of oppression.

    Arnold: Look, just piss off Tomm, will you?

    Tomm: It's alright now, you're free!

    Arnold: But why are you even doing this? You know you and the other guys are just going to be pissed off at me for having no job again!

    Tomm: But you'll be free! Isn't freedom worth it? Did not a wise man once say, "A man who would exchange his freedom for a little security deserves neither and will lose both"?

    Arnold: No, go away, or I'll get my henchmen to escort you away!

    Tomm: Well, I hoped I wouldn't have to go down this route...

    (Camera goes to Ricky's office. He's sitting behind his desk, listening to the radio on the computer)

    Radio: And Prime Minister Arnold Pervert has just lost a vote of no confidence in Parliament after the allegations arose that he had sold the country to a pimp in order to satisfy his obsessive desire for sex with Siamese twins.

    *Virote enters the room. Ricky looks up and then turns the radio off*

    Ricky *cheerful*: Come and have a seat!

    *Virote sits down in front of the desk*

    Ricky *cheerful*: Now, you know that the company is going through some major changes? Well, I'd like to make you an integral part of these changes. You're fired.

    Virote: What? Why?

    Ricky *cheerful*: Well, because of the credit crunch!

    Virote: Ricky, do you even know what the credit crunch is?

    Ricky *smug*: Yes, I do.

    Virote: Can you say what it is, then?

    Ricky *suspicious*: No.

    Virote: Well, then, you don't know, do you?

    Ricky: Yes. It's where we have to crunch your credit.

    Virote: And how does that mean I have to get fired?

    Ricky *agitated*: Listen, I've been trying to go about this nicely, but this just isn't on, is it? I fired you because a) you don't belong to any unions, and b) because I just don't like you, okay? Now bugger off!

    *Ricky points to the door. Virote leaves*

    (Scene Ends)

    So, discuss these parts of scenes. Also, is the character of Ricky really coming across as being that insufferable? Because he should be... (although I guess you get to see this more in this episode when they aren't at work, so I dunno)
  15. Quackers

    Quackers The Frog

    Dec 24, 2008
    Great Britain
    I think it should be set at a High Class Bureau de Change.
  16. Virote_Considon

    Virote_Considon The Great Dictator

    Jul 7, 2004
    Skaville UK Reputation: 1
    It is not being set in a High Class Bureau de Change.

    This show, however, is:

    Link to video.
  17. bombshoo

    bombshoo Never mind...

    Jan 7, 2003
    Sounds similar to Always Sunny in Philadelphia. (Which is not a bad thing).

    As an amateur writer of a sci-fi series (that I'm convinced is so good, I won't even post the premise for fear of having it stolen), good luck to you!
  18. Takhisis

    Takhisis Rum and coke.

    Jul 11, 2005
    up yours.
    :bump: I've only just picked it up from Virote's signature. Not bad, man. I'd definitely watch it.
  19. Formaldehyde

    Formaldehyde Both Fair And Balanced

    Jan 29, 2003
    USA #1
    That reminded me of some of the discussions in this forum.

    And I also googled Worther's Original too. Glad it turned out to be the candy...

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