Your Excellency, My Dear President Mugabe:
As you can see, we are continuing to go through the trouble to recognize you as the Excellenceness that You are, owing to the fact that You, kind sir, are part of that exclusive club of UN members.
Please allow us to kiss Your Excellent Ass, Excellency.
In the interests of constructive engagement, while doing so, we would like to interrupt Your jailing, murdering, expropriation and starvation of dissidents for one moment, if we may, to note that a very very disappointed resolution was passed by a number of nations that You currently denounce as Imperialist Foreigners. It reads:
RESOLUTION 1672 -
Resolved that Zimbabwe is somewhat upsetting,
and Buttressed by the fact that another press release will do the trick,
We the Security Council of the UN hereby add to world security by recommending that the UN study the country of Zimbabwe in detail through several fact-finding missions to nearby countries. Further, we might consider denying shipments of food, medicine, trade, small arms and any other means that might be used by dissidents to stay alive and build their cause. Such denials will be to anyone who might happen to be in Zimbabwe, on the grounds that denying such things to both sides is the "fair" thing to do.
[VETOED by the People's Republic of China, March 8, 2004]
Thank You, Your Majesticness, for Your attention to this matter.
Yours,
Boutros-Boutros Ghali
Secretary-Secretary General