The Joke Leaders Thread

[caiman0815]

Rome

Leader: Nero

UA: Promoter of fine Arts - +33% generation of Artists, Writers and Musicians, all other great persons are killed instantly upon spawning

UB: Neros Palace - replaces every other building - cost 5000 hammers, -5 unhappiness, + 15 Great Work slots; each turn while building neros palace a random building in the city is destroyed

UU: Christian prisoner. replaces worker. cannot leave city where it is build. +5 happiness for 1 turn when disbanded

 

[MerchantCo]

Sweden [Underwear Models]

UA: -33% growth rate when "Pornography" [replaces Radio] is researched.
UB: Ikea [replaces Stock Market. +2 tourism along with Stock Market's bonuses].
UU: Dumb Blonde [replaces Great Writer. Boosts happiness in empire].

 

[Haig]

Florida Empire


Moderator Action: No current events please.
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889

 

[seancolorado]

Marijuana Empire

UA: High Times
Gain one copy of unique luxury resource Marijuana in every city. Spawns on map as workable tile improvement. Enemy civs adjacent to improvement will not fight. +50% chance that World Congress will ban luxury.

UU
Drug Cartel
Replaces Rifleman. Can smuggle Marijuana resource into foreign cities without open borders. 'Hidden Smuggler' promotion grants invisibility when traveling through forests and jungles. +2 movement. Gains +100 upon returning home.

UB
Horticulture Center.
Replaces Garden. +10 happiness, -10 production

 

[PreLynMax]

Peter Griffin of the Petoria Empire

UA: Bird is the Word - +50% to all Fighters, Bombers and Helicopter Gunships.
UU: Griffin (Replaces Helicopter Gunship), 60, 6, cost 425 or 1190, req. 1 aluminum and Mobile Tactics, Starts with Ambush I, Mobility I
UB: Pewterschmidt Mansion (Replaces Museum), +5, +2), Holds 2 WoA slots.

 

[Gyra Solune]

man I wanted to do Kim Jong-Il but apparently that is a no-no

Paddy Roy Bates of the Principality of Sealand
Music: E Mare Libertas
Architecture: Sealandic (early eras, appears as connected boats and other floating platforms, at Industrial era changes to double-pillar sea forts connected to smaller ocean towers)

UA: E Mare Libertas - May not expand to any land hexes. Citizens may work water tiles owned by other civilizations.
UU: Maunsell Sea Fort - Replaces the Settler. Unlike the Settler, it is a naval unit, and may found cities in the water.
UB: Pirate Radio Station - Replaces the Broadcast Tower. +33% Culture and exerts double Ideological Unhappiness on any foreign cities whose tiles are worked.

this actually sounds kinda neat

I might make this a mod

though it would demand its own Sealandic architectural style

seeing every single wonder your produce in the water would be silly though

 

[MerchantCo]

North Korea [Rocket Science]

Unique Ability: 50% chance that rocket sent to Alpha Centauri shall explode upon takeoff.

Unique Unit: Starved Soldier [replaces Infantry. Must pillage at least one farm every five turns, otherwise it shall lose health. 1/2 unit maintenance and 1/2 production cost].

Unique Building: Propaganda House [replaces Broadcast Tower. +5 production, +5 happiness, -33% culture.]

 

[Emperor Giulio]

Jamaica -- Bob Marley
50% bonus to great person production
+1 per filled specialist
+1 per open specialist slot
25% decrease for each musician/artist/writer specialist operating in a city
UU Rasta: Missionary that generates 50 per conversion attempt. Also grants 1 turn 10% malus to recently proselytized city and 10% for 5 turns.
Secondary UU/UB: Still in developmental stage

Jamaica should have a unique luxury, you know which one.

 

[MantaRevan]

Rapture(Golden Chain of Industry)- +50% generation, cities starve twice as fast.
UU: Splicer(warrior replacment)- Scares the crap out of adjacent units(-10% ), starts with march(heals every turn)
UB: Plasmid vending machine: -66% and in the city built in. +30 to city built in and removes from population in city.

 

[bobbo008]

United States

Leader: Emperor Norton I, Protector of Mexico

UU: Emperor Norton (Great General replacement) - -1 , but you look awesome on your bike
UA: All Aztec cities become puppeted upon contact
UB: None, you're homeless, but all specialists cost 0 and +1 as passersby are amused by your antics and will provide sandwiches and change

 

[AW Arcaeca]

How about we just modify Mongolia a bit:

MONGOLIA
UA: Nomads - Cities relocate 1 tile away every 5 turns, upon relocating cities lose all buildings. Cities cannot be built within 7 tiles of each other rather than the usual 4. Cannot build farms. Maximum city population 8.
UB: Ger - Replaces granary. +1 from sheep, cow and horse. Raises max city population to 10. -50% pop growth.
UU: Manghud - Replaces knight. 40, 5, 4. Costs 200. Costs 5gpt, only 10 may exist in the empire at any one time.

See, just take any existing civ, make everything worse and it's like a whole new civ!

 

[Emperor Giulio]

Very true, but I chose the most awful thing Florida has offered us: Creed.

I'm from New Jersey

The New Jersey Empire

Theme music: Bon Jovi (most awful thing we have to offer)

Leader: Chris Christie
Moderator Action: Please do not use people currently living as leaders in this thread.
Please read the forum rules: http://forums.civfanatics.com/showthread.php?t=422889

UU: Mafia hitmen (has the ability to be invisible, sorta of like a submarine on land)

UA: Garden State: Pollution has no bearing population grow (really a civ 3 and 4 mechanic; there is no pollution in civ 5) Edit: Fallout has no bearing on population growth.

Unquie Tile Improvement: New Jersey Turnpike: Roads actually generate money due to tolls. Plus 1 every few turns. There is no cap to this, it just keeps going up, and up.

 

[AW Arcaeca]

I'm from New Jersey

The New Jersey Empire

Theme music: Bon Jovi (most awful thing we have to offer)

Leader: Chris Christie

UU: Mafia hitmen (has the ability to be invisible, sorta of like a submarine on land)

UA: Garden State: Pollution has no bearing population grow (really a civ 3 and 4 mechanic; there is no pollution in civ 5) Edit: Fallout has no bearing on population growth.

Unquie Tile Improvement: New Jersey Turnpike: Roads actually generate money due to tolls. Plus 1 every few turns. There is no cap to this, it just keeps going up, and up.

Aren't there a few too many upsides to that? What are the cons?

 

[Emperor Giulio]

Aren't there a few too many upsides to that? What are the cons?

Every 100 turns, the infrastructure is pillaged by a hurricane.

 

[otaman1]

What if the United States of America was a corrupt dictatorship?

Corrupted Dictatorship of the United States of America
Capital: Washington D.C
Leader: A Corrupted Dictator President
UA: Exploited State - All cities suffer a -10 happiness; all units suffer a -1 movement; units might turn in a barbarian!
UU: Royal Guard - Can only defend cities; cannot turn into barbarians or attack enemy units
UB: Corrupted Palace - -1500 tourism

 

[dopingman]

What if the United States of America was a corrupt dictatorship?

Corrupted Dictatorship of the United States of America
Capital: Washington D.C
Leader: A Corrupted Dictator President
UA: Exploited State - All cities suffer a -10 happiness; all units suffer a -1 movement; units might turn in a barbarian!
UU: Royal Guard - Can only defend cities; cannot turn into barbarians or attack enemy units
UB: Corrupted Palace - -1500 tourism

Rather sounds like the Imperium from WH40k...

Capital: Terra
Leader: Corpse Emporer/false Emporer
UA: Exploited Galaxy- All cities suffer a -10 happiness; all units suffer a -1 movement; units might turn in a chaos worshipper
UU: Adeptus Custodes - Can only defend Terra; cannot turn into chaos troops or attack enemy units outside of Terra
UB: Palace of Terra - -1500 tourism +100 faith per turn

 

[MerchantCo]

North Korean Civilization

Unique Ability: Rocket Science

Cost of rocket parts reduced by 25%. Rocket parts require Iron instead of aluminum. However, there is a 50% chance that the rocket shall explode upon takeoff, and won't reach Alpha Centauri.

 

[Sonereal]

The Simpsons
Leader: Homer Simpson
Capital: Springfield
UA: Tragic in Springfield - Dead units will come back as barbarians; when a Simpson dies and is the current leaderhead, the next Simpson born will replace that Simpson (an anarchy will trigger when this happens)
UU: Simpsons - Great General replacement; only 5 available (Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, Maggie)
UB: Mr. Burn's Nuclear Plant - If built in the city where Homer (Great Simpson) is stationed, it will likely explode destroying the city and causing the first part of the UA to trigger

Imma one-up you.

Springfield
Leader: Mayor Quimby
UA: Where the Hell is Springfield? - Whenever a new city is settled or annexed, the capital randomly locates. If the capital is taken, the capital relocates to a different city and this counts as you retaking control of your capital.
UB: Kwik-E-Mart - Replaces Market. +10% Food Growth in city.
UB: Nuclear Plant - Replaces Hydro Plant. -1 Happiness, +50% Production. +4 Hammers. .0001% chance of meltdown every turn. Due to the nature of the Simpsons, the meltdown counts as a city-destroying nuclear explosion. If capital explodes, it relocates.

 

[MantaRevan]

Aren't there a few too many upsides to that? What are the cons?

This thread is for jokes leaders. They don't necessarily have to be bad, just imaginative or funny.

 

[loserforsale]

Hmm:

England; leader: Henry VIII
UA: Dissolution of the Monasteries: all faith-producing buildings are automatically sold for gold as soon as they have been produced.
UU: Royal Wife: replaces Great person of some kind. Has a 1/3 chance of being executed once created, and a 1/2 chance of spawning another Great Person.
UB: Field of the Cloth of Gold: gives France +25% tourism.

Or for any English civ, regardless of leader:
UA: Tea dependency
As soon as England encounters a tile with the tea luxury resource, any city lacking access to tea suffers doubled local unhappiness and -75% production.

Alternatively, with apologies to any Poles reading this:
UA: Europe's Kicking Ball: suffer -60% combat strength when fighting Germany, Austria or Russia.

Or perhaps a more esoteric one:
TV Tropes Nation
UA: TV Tropes will ruin your life: once a foreign player enters diplomacy with TV Tropes, they have no way of exiting it or even closing the game.