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The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Serutan

    Serutan Eatibus Anythingibus

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    Capitalization is important It is the difference between:

    I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse. And

    {violation of forum rules}
     
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  2. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I went shopping for a cherry and a microphone...

    Bought a Bing.
    Bought a boom.
     
  3. Serutan

    Serutan Eatibus Anythingibus

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    Psi.
     
  4. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    How much space will Brexit open up in the EU?

    1 GB
     
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  5. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Moderator

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    Oh, dear God.
     
  6. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Zen

    When you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.
     
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  7. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    If Trump should die before I wake,
    I pray to God the news ain't fake.
     
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  8. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Valentine's thought...

    If you are seeking a mate who doesn't like Star Wars puns, you are looking for love in Alderaan places.
     
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  9. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    My wife is furious with our next door neighbor who sunbathes topless in her backyard...
    Personally, I'm on the fence.
     
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  10. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

    The rabbit says, "I hate auto-correct.".
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2020
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  11. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I'm reading a horror novel in braille.
    Something terrible is going to happen... I can feel it!
     
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  12. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Moderator

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    I don't know much about the coronavirus, but a West Sussex Eighties' punk band is The Cure.
     
  13. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Son: Dad. I just received the Leslie Nielsen Badge at school!

    Dad: What's that?

    Son: A large building full of students.
     
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2020
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  14. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    The advantage of easy origami is two fold.
     
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  15. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Son: Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is like?

    Dad: No sun.
     
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  16. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I just wrote a song about a tortilla...
    Actually, its more of a wrap.
     
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  17. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    In Germany, soon the only food left will be sausages and cheese.

    This is a Wurst Käse Scenario.
     
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  18. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    If Finland locks down its borders, no one will cross the finish line.
     
  19. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    My thoughts and prayers go out to all those married men in lockdown, who used the phrase, "I'll do that when I have the time"...
     
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  20. Ozbenno

    Ozbenno Fly Fly Away Moderator Hall of Fame Staff

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    The unwritten rules of dealing with a global pandemic

    1.
    2.
    3.
     
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