Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.
Why are Rudolph and Blitzen always taking coffee breaks?
Because they are the star bucks.
How do flowers ride their bicycles?
with the petals
Why does the bicycle lean on its stand?
It's two tired
Ten year from now you'll put on a jacket, reach into a pocket and find a mask and think, 'What a weird year that was!'
Then you'll pick up your machete and continue across the wasteland, keeping to the shadows to avoid roaming gangs of cannibals.
Also in the Math joke thread.
7 8 9. 9 is 6's girlfriend, so 6 sued. Now 7 has to register as a 6 offender.
I'm addicted to collecting magazines...
I have a lot of issues.
It is only a coup if it is from the coup d'état region of France.
Otherwise, it is just sparkling white terrorism.
What is the difference between the US Capitol Building and Mordor?
One does not simply walk into Mordor.
Does anyone remember that joke I posted about a chiropractor?
It was about a weak back.
I tried using 'chicken' as a password and had it rejected. The program said I must have a capitol.
So I tried 'chickenkiev'.
The first rule of Condescension Club is a bit complex, and you probably won't understand it.
Man walks into the doctors to get his results.
Doc says "It's bad news I'm afraid. You've a very rare condition that means you can't remember the 80's"
Man asks "What's the cure?"
Doc "It's worse than I thought!"
I laughed rather too much at that one.
More of a blooper than a joke. A joke with the possibility to come up with the end yourself, perhaps. Definitely lame.
From Swedish news: ...one of the accused's DNA has been found on more than 2000 cartridges/shots.
1. How do you get your DNA on so many?
2. Has the criminal labratory tested each one separately?
If you tell dad jokes when you're a child, you have to wait until you're an adult before the punchline becomes apparent.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, but my roommate used the paper to roll up his joint. Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.
Jeff, an Oxford comma, and a semicolon walk into a bar. They both had a great time.
Why do Germans never have sausage for breakfast? That would be going from bed to wurst.
Why did the Frenchman only have one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf.
Which letter is silent in the word 'scent', the s or the c?
2065 years ago today: Julius Caesar dies, surrounded by friends.
Bartender: What're you drinking?
Flavius: Gimme a martinus.
Bartender: You mean a martini.
Flavius: If I wanted two I'd ask for them.
Why couldn't the hot pepper practice archery?
He didn't habanero.
Separate names with a comma.