The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Yeekim

    Yeekim Moderator Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2006
    Messages:
    10,649
    Location:
    Estonia
    - World's yoga capital?
    - Omsk, naturally.
     
  2. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
  3. AmazonQueen

    AmazonQueen Virago

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2007
    Messages:
    6,543
    Location:
    Climbing Kero Fin
    Boris Johnson thinks ethics is a county to the East of London.
     
    PhroX, The_J, tjs282 and 1 other person like this.
  4. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    Dear algebra,
    Stop asking me to find your X. She isn't coming back.
    I don't know Y either.
     
  5. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2009
    Messages:
    36,859
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    I once knew a chap who could talk for hours about mayonnaise. He was a great sauce of information.
     
  6. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    I think he spread it on too thick.
     
    Narz, tjs282 and The_J like this.
  7. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    I've just written a self help book on what to do if you fall down a staircase.

    It's a step-by-step guide.
     
    tjs282 and The_J like this.
  8. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    I'm not saying it's hot outside... but two hobbits just threw a ring at me.
     
    tjs282, AmazonQueen and The_J like this.
  9. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    I now realize taking my dog named Shark to the beach was a bad idea...
     
    tjs282 and The_J like this.
  10. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    Racecar backwards is racecar.

    Racecar upside down is expensive.
     
    The_J and tjs282 like this.
  11. onejayhawk

    onejayhawk Afflicted with reason

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2002
    Messages:
    13,700
    Location:
    next to George Bush's parents
    That's like the blue sheep. When a certain strain is neutered, their wool develops a blue tint, which makes the wool, thence the sheep very valuable. It's best to keep off the blue spayed ewes.
     
    Uncle Sparky likes this.
  12. onejayhawk

    onejayhawk Afflicted with reason

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2002
    Messages:
    13,700
    Location:
    next to George Bush's parents
    And scruples are money in Russia.

    [Insert = politician of choice] is the only living heart donor.[/insert]

     
    Uncle Sparky likes this.
  13. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?

    People take their boots off before they jump on a trampoline.
     
    The_J and tjs282 like this.
  14. Serutan

    Serutan Eatibus Anythingibus

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2002
    Messages:
    5,573
    Location:
    Baja Arizona
    There's a lawyer and a snake that would like to speak to you outside for stealing that joke.
     
  15. onejayhawk

    onejayhawk Afflicted with reason

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2002
    Messages:
    13,700
    Location:
    next to George Bush's parents
  16. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    Why did the courts always release the Penguin without having him post bail?

    He wasn't a flight risk.
     
    Narz, The_J and tjs282 like this.
  17. AmazonQueen

    AmazonQueen Virago

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2007
    Messages:
    6,543
    Location:
    Climbing Kero Fin
    A barrister told me this one about 30 years ago.

    Whats black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

    A doberman.
     
  18. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    Where is the best place to weigh a pie?

    Spoiler :
    Somewhere over the rainbow.
     
    tjs282 likes this.
  19. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    This one really does belong here...

    Spoiler :
    stick.jpg
     
    Serutan, Snerk, PhroX and 2 others like this.
  20. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    822
    Location:
    Exile.
    Alligators can live up to 100 years.
    This is why there is a strong probability that they will see you later.
     
    The_J and tjs282 like this.

Share This Page