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The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Yeekim

    Yeekim Moderator Moderator

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    - World's yoga capital?
    - Omsk, naturally.
     
  2. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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  3. AmazonQueen

    AmazonQueen Virago

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    Boris Johnson thinks ethics is a county to the East of London.
     
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  4. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Dear algebra,
    Stop asking me to find your X. She isn't coming back.
    I don't know Y either.
     
    The_J, AmazonQueen and tjs282 like this.
  5. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Super Moderator

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    I once knew a chap who could talk for hours about mayonnaise. He was a great sauce of information.
     
  6. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I think he spread it on too thick.
     
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  7. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I've just written a self help book on what to do if you fall down a staircase.

    It's a step-by-step guide.
     
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  8. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I'm not saying it's hot outside... but two hobbits just threw a ring at me.
     
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  9. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I now realize taking my dog named Shark to the beach was a bad idea...
     
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  10. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Racecar backwards is racecar.

    Racecar upside down is expensive.
     
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  11. onejayhawk

    onejayhawk Afflicted with reason

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    That's like the blue sheep. When a certain strain is neutered, their wool develops a blue tint, which makes the wool, thence the sheep very valuable. It's best to keep off the blue spayed ewes.
     
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  12. onejayhawk

    onejayhawk Afflicted with reason

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    And scruples are money in Russia.

    [Insert = politician of choice] is the only living heart donor.[/insert]

     
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  13. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?

    People take their boots off before they jump on a trampoline.
     
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  14. Serutan

    Serutan Eatibus Anythingibus

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    There's a lawyer and a snake that would like to speak to you outside for stealing that joke.
     
  15. onejayhawk

    onejayhawk Afflicted with reason

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  16. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Why did the courts always release the Penguin without having him post bail?

    He wasn't a flight risk.
     
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  17. AmazonQueen

    AmazonQueen Virago

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    A barrister told me this one about 30 years ago.

    Whats black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

    A doberman.
     
  18. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Where is the best place to weigh a pie?

    Spoiler :
    Somewhere over the rainbow.
     
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