The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Yeekim]

- World's yoga capital?
- Omsk, naturally.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

 

[AmazonQueen]

Boris Johnson thinks ethics is a county to the East of London.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Dear algebra,
Stop asking me to find your X. She isn't coming back.
I don't know Y either.

 

[Arakhor]

I once knew a chap who could talk for hours about mayonnaise. He was a great sauce of information.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I once knew a chap who could talk for hours about mayonnaise. He was a great sauce of information.

I think he spread it on too thick.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I've just written a self help book on what to do if you fall down a staircase.

It's a step-by-step guide.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I'm not saying it's hot outside... but two hobbits just threw a ring at me.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I now realize taking my dog named Shark to the beach was a bad idea...

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Racecar backwards is racecar.

Racecar upside down is expensive.

 

[onejayhawk]

A local paper, desperate for copy, once ran a story on sheep running wild in a children's playground. However, once it was revealed that these were simply chicken-wire models with cotton wool cladding, the paper had to apologise for a fake ewes story.

That's like the blue sheep. When a certain strain is neutered, their wool develops a blue tint, which makes the wool, thence the sheep very valuable. It's best to keep off the blue spayed ewes.

 

[onejayhawk]

Boris Johnson thinks ethics is a county to the East of London.

And scruples are money in Russia.

[Insert = politician of choice] is the only living heart donor.[/insert]

A man walks into a fishmonger with a tuna under his arm.
"Do you do fishcakes?"
"Of course sir"
"Good, because it's his birthday"

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?

People take their boots off before they jump on a trampoline.

 

[Serutan]

There's a lawyer and a snake that would like to speak to you outside for stealing that joke.

 

[onejayhawk]

There's a lawyer and a snake that would like to speak to you outside for stealing that joke.

If you want to take your lawyer to an event, try this one.
https://www.facebook.com/oglesby.rattlesnake.roundup

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Why did the courts always release the Penguin without having him post bail?

He wasn't a flight risk.

 

[AmazonQueen]

A barrister told me this one about 30 years ago.

Whats black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A doberman.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Where is the best place to weigh a pie?

Spoiler :

Somewhere over the rainbow.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

This one really does belong here...

Spoiler :

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Alligators can live up to 100 years.
This is why there is a strong probability that they will see you later.