The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    It's not premarital sex if you never get married...
     
    Kaitzilla, tjs282 and The_J like this.
  2. Samson

    Samson Deity

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2003
    Messages:
    11,053
    Location:
    Cambridge
    What sort of bees make milk?
    Spoiler :
    Boobies
     
    Uncle Sparky, tjs282 and The_J like this.
  3. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    A non-binary gold prospector dug up a fortune in them/their hills.
     
    tjs282, Samson and AmazonQueen like this.
  4. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    Warning: If you are sent a link to listen to a new Ed Sheeran/ Elton John Christmas song Do Not Open IT!
    It's a link to listen to a new Ed Sheeran/ Elton John Christmas song.
     
  5. AmazonQueen

    AmazonQueen Virago

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2007
    Messages:
    6,881
    Location:
    Climbing Kero Fin
    1st man: Last night we had a power cut. I couldn't use my PC, TV or XBox.
    2nd man: What did you do?
    1st man: I talked to my family. They seem like nice people.
     
    Uncle Sparky, tjs282 and The_J like this.
  6. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    Breaking News -
    Man Learns to do Origami backwards!


    We will have more on this story as it unfolds.
     
    Gelion, The_J and tjs282 like this.
  7. Gelion

    Gelion Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2004
    Messages:
    12,512
    Location:
    Earth Dome
    - Look, a butterfly!
    - You stupid, butter not fly.
     
    The_J likes this.
  8. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    Now that I've lived through a plague, I know why Renaissance paintings are full of
    fat naked people lying on couches.
     
    tjs282, The_J and Samson like this.
  9. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    I lost my job at the bank. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
     
    tjs282 and The_J like this.
  10. Gori the Grey

    Gori the Grey The Poster

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2009
    Messages:
    7,781
    If she'd asked for an advance, you might have not only been fired but arrested.
     
    Uncle Sparky, tjs282 and The_J like this.
  11. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.



    I did get written up when she asked for more interest, quickly followed by, "My eyes are up here!"...
     
    tjs282 and The_J like this.
  12. Gelion

    Gelion Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2004
    Messages:
    12,512
    Location:
    Earth Dome
    *serious voice*
    - There are some things one must do alone.
    - Hey, mate do you need help?
    - Get the hell out of the bathroom!
     
    Uncle Sparky and The_J like this.
  13. Gelion

    Gelion Captain

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2004
    Messages:
    12,512
    Location:
    Earth Dome
    A truly smart bomb could not be pushed off the plane.
     
    tjs282, Samson and Uncle Sparky like this.
  14. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    A priest, a nun, and a rabbit walk into a blood donor clinic.
    The clinician asks, "What is your blood type?"
    "I am probably a type-O", replies the rabbit.
     
    Serutan, PhroX, tjs282 and 2 others like this.
  15. Samson

    Samson Deity

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2003
    Messages:
    11,053
    Location:
    Cambridge
    Are political jokes allowed if they are lame?

    The MPs in parliament today had a bring your own boo's party.

    Spoiler If you have to explain a joke it has to be lame :
    Bojo is in trouble for a bring your own bottle party during lock down, and got booed quite a bit today.
     
    The_J likes this.
  16. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Super Moderator

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2009
    Messages:
    37,090
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    UK
    I thought that was a pretty good joke, actually!
     
  17. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    I thought that Boris was a joke 20+ years ago...
     
    The_J likes this.
  18. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    878
    Location:
    Exile.
    I was driving down the street and saw my ex on the sidewalk...
    It's funny how 'I'd hit that' changes meaning over time...
     
    The_J likes this.

Share This Page