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The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by Uncle Sparky, Dec 31, 2017.

  1. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I asked my doctor if I could administer my own anesthetic.

    She said , 'Sure! Knock yourself out!'
     
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  2. Gelion

    Gelion Captain

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    A recent documentary about Flat Earth won the most prestigious Golden Globe award.
     
  3. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I just landed a dream job at a factory!

    I can't tell you which one, but I'll be making candy, and singing about character flaws of dying children.
     
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  4. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I found a poem by Ayn Rand -

    "Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Finish this poem yourself
    You dependent parasite."
     
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  5. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Another poem (from Englandia)-

    "The grand old Duke of York, he had 12 million quid.
    "He gave it to someone he’d never met, for something he never did."
     
    Kyriakos, The_J, tjs282 and 1 other person like this.
  6. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    I haven't noticed any new Banksy paintings since Betty White died...
     
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  7. Samson

    Samson Deity

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    In Russia, 50 Cent is called 4 million Rubles.
     
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  8. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    What do you call a bedpan in Russia?

    A poo-tin.
     
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  9. Samson

    Samson Deity

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    Nothing runs like a deer, nothing stinks like a john.

    Reference
     
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  10. Kyriakos

    Kyriakos Creator

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    Pretty sure there's a typo in the phrase "dad jokes".
     
  11. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Recycling is important... an old Soviet joke.

    A Moscow man buys a newspaper from a vender, glances at the front page, then throws the paper out. Next day, same thing.. and the next. The next day the vendor asks, "Why do you do that?".
    The man replies, "Oh, I'm just checking for an obituary."
    "But obituaries aren't on the front page."

    "The one I'm looking for will be.", replies the man.
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2022
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  12. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Soon the Russian ruble will be worth as much a degree from Trump University.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2022
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  13. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    You know gasoline prices are high when the guy in the lifted pick-up truck isn't
    revving his engine in the Walmart parking lot during mating season.
     
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  14. Samson

    Samson Deity

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    Stop saying you were promised flying cars. Unless you were born in 1935, you weren't promised flying cars, you were promised a cyberpunk corporate dystopia. You're welcome.
     
  15. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Wishing Putin and his Generals a traditional Ides of March.
     
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  16. Samson

    Samson Deity

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    Amazon: We no longer require forced overtime by our fulfillment centre employees. In the future any time required beyond that contracted is a special productivity operation.
     
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  17. Yeekim

    Yeekim Moderator Moderator

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    Q: What is not bright but still glows in the dark?
    A: Russian soldier leaving Chernobyl.
     
  18. Samson

    Samson Deity

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    Will Smith banned from the Oscars for 10 years. This forces him to only make good films for the next decade to ensure he does not win an oscar in that time.
     
  19. Uncle Sparky

    Uncle Sparky Pheasant Plucker

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    Never make jokes about the unemployed... none of them work.
     
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