The Llamast Jokes Thread... 3

[Miniskirt]

Q) Did you get a haircut?

A1) No, I got them all cut.
A2) I got my ears lowered.
A3) I only got half of them cut.
A4) Which one?
A5) They give you a group rate if you get more than one cut.
A6) Is a 'mall cut' like a 'bowl cut'?
A7) Yeah, just one side though: the outside.
A8) Nah, I had my testicles lowered.
A9) Yeah, and I go back tomorrow to get the rest cut.
10) No, my head grew.
11) I got them all cut to save time.
12) Washed my hair with hot water and they all shrank!
13) Quite a few of them, really.
14) I got my neck lengthened.

Only 14? Go on and get dear old Dad a beer, will ya?

 

[Gori the Grey]

15) Man, I've heard of paper-cuts; I didn't even know a hair could do that too.
16) I didn't get anything; that nasty barber made off with the tips of every one of my hairs!
17) I think of it as a one month advance on my hair being the same length as it was yesterday.
18) First one, yes. But then shortly thereafter many others.
19) Some people call it that; I like to think of it as an in-kind contribution to keeping my barber's sweeping skills sharp.
20) Who told you that? Sharon? What a blab. I was hoping to surprise you with the news.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My friend, who grew up in Ukraine during the '80s, just watched a documentary on Chernobyl, and was able to count 8 historical inaccuracies on one hand.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Way to ruin the surprise, Spanish exclamation points.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I sleep on a pile of old comic books...
I have back issues.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I always go the extra mile...
This is why my friends don't let me drive.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

In Polish 'non binary' is 'niebinarny' or 'niebinarna', depending on the person's gender...

 

[Uncle Sparky]

You can tell Wolverine and Deadpool are Canadian superheroes written by an American...
Their superpower is healthcare.

 

[Gori the Grey]

I saw some kind of raptor circling in the sky this afternoon; what type exactly I can't say, though I watched it like a hawk.

(True story, by the way.)

 

[BenitoChavez]

A gruff looking guy with holstered pistols kicks a saloon door open. Everyone stands aside as he makes his way to the bar. He sits down and growls at the bartender "I want to exchange money for goods and services". One of the other patrons says "Wow...I think he means business"

 

[Uncle Sparky]

How do you know if a joke is completely tasteless?
Suck it and see!

 

[dariusII]

I recently paid way too much money for a telescope. Boy, they sure saw me coming.

 

[dariusII]

So what if I can't spell 'Armageddon'? It's not the end of the world.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

So what if I can't spell 'Armageddon'? It's not the end of the world.

Try using Alpacalips.

 

[Thrasybulos]

Try using Alpacalips.

Weird.
You sure it isn't Epochal Leaps?

 

[Gori the Grey]

D is the end of the world as we know it.

 

[dariusII]

Ventriloquism must be the most difficult thing to do. I can only speak for myself.

 

[Miniskirt]

Next week is Diarrhea Awareness Week.

It runs through Friday.

 

[dariusII]

I try not to rate a woman's look on a scale of 1 to 10, but today at my poetry class I metaphor.

 

[Miniskirt]

Spock: I upgraded the ship to run on herbs. We are now capable of thyme travel.