My nephew has HDADD. He has trouble focusing, but once he does it's unbelievably clear.
As my uncle lay dying, his two sisters Margaret and Christina grieving at his bedside, he turned to them and said quietly, "Don't cry for me,
Marge and Tina."
I fondly remember my childhood, when Dad used to roll us down the hill in a tire. Those were the good years.
A bachelor is a selfish, uncaring guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
When I was little, I once asked my aunt, "Auntie, how many is 'a couple'?" To which she replied, "Oh, two or three." In hindsight, that's probably
why her marriage failed.
My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the delivery guy knocked on the door today to check if we were okay.
My wife just retired from the broom factory - she was a test pilot.
Today, our boss announced that the person with the worst posture will be fired. I have a hunch it will be me.
My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleep on the sofa. I said it made me feel manly, like I was
camping, with a really angry bear somewhere close by.
Me: Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home'.
Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.
Me: Is it common?
Doctor: It's not unusual.
A guy goes to the doctor complaining of a hearing problem. The doctor says, "Can you describe the symptoms?" The guy says, "Homer’s fat and Marge has blue hair."