The Reign of the Exceedingly Cold Ataturk

[Sjakelen]

The Reign of the Exceedingly Cold Ataturk

This story uses the 'Turkish MOD' new civ download avaliable on this site.

Difficulty: Warlord
Leader: Mustafa Kemal Ataturk
Civ: Turkish Empire
Starting Technologies: Hunting, Mining
Traits: Creative, Organized

Year: 18000 (using Ice Age scenario)

Mustafa: Absolute trust in me, hmm?

Cultural Advisor: Yeah! Awesome, isn't it?

Mustafa: -jumps in surprise- Who are you?!

Cultural Advisor: I'm an attempt by the author to make this whole thing a bit more like Flouzemaker's great stories, the culture advisor. My name's Suleyman, though, if you don't want to call me 'Cultural Advisor'.

Mustafa: Wait, Suleyman as in The Lawgiver?

Suleyman: Yeah, that's me. There are some others you should meet...

Foreign Advisor: Yeah, there's me! I'm the Foreign Advisor, but my real name is Hurrem.

Mustafa: I thought Hurrem was Suleyman's Cultural Advisor?

Hurrem: His wife, too. I'm her, so hi!

Mustafa: How can you and Suleyman be my advisors? You died centuries ago!

Suleyman: We're spirits, 'kay? You're still a new leader, and this is what happens to every Turkish leader when they're new.

Mustafa: Isn't there supposed to be a Military Advisor, too?

Hurrem: Er, well--

Military Advisor: That would be me. I'm Fatih Sultan Mehmed.

Mustafa: Right... The one who captured Constantinople n' stuff.

Mehmed: That's the one.

Mustafa: Is that all of you?

All 3 Advisors: Yeah, that's it.

Mustafa: Well then shut up! I wanna see where we are...

Mustafa: Wait, we're in a jungle? Then why the hell is it FREEZING?!?

Suleyman: We're in the Ice Age, sire.

Mustafa: Argh!!! I'm freezing!

Hurrem: That's what you get for being mortal...

Mustafa: It wasn't exactly a choice!!

Suleyman: Look, in any case, we need to found a city and start producing--

Mehmed: Units!

Suleyman: Shut up, you! We need to start producing culture!

Mustafa: Fine, I'll found Istanbul. Hopefully someone can invent electric heaters soon...

The City of Istanbul Is Founded!

To be continued once I play a bit further...

 

[Sjakelen]

Mustafa: Awesome!

Suleyman: Ooh, build a worker, build a worker! We can increase our borders with the improvements he can build!

Mehmed: Shut up and build a warrior! We'll get a headstart on everyone else with him.

Hurrem: Or you could build another scout to explore new lands and meet new civilizations!

Mustafa: I'll go with the worker.

Mehemd: Stupid...

Year: 17800 BC

Mustafa: Why does this take so long?!? Glargh!

Hurrem: Sire, sire! Our scout has discovered a new civilization!

Mustafa: Huh? Who is it?

Hurrem: The Mali, with Mansa Musa as their leader!

Mustafa: So how do I talk to him n' stuff?

Hurrem: You press the button next to his name and you can see each other and talk. Nifty little device.

Mustafa: I will ignore the fact that you just said 'nifty' only because I am contacting Mr. Masa, or whatever his name is.


Mansa Musa: We welcome the Turkish Empire and their glorious leader, Mustafa! Shall there be peace or war between us?

Mustafa: Er... Peace?

Mansa Musa: There is no way to peace. Peace is the way.

Mustafa: Where did you get that line?

Mansa Musa: Some Chinese guy, I think.

Mustafa: But for all we know, the Chinese are all the way in the Americas!

Mansa Musa: Hey, it said at the beginning that we were all nomads, so I could have met them earlier!

Mustafa: Whatever and Farewell.


Year: 17760 BC


Suleyman: We discovered Fishing! Yay!

Mustafa: But we don't have any coastal cities...

Suleyman: It was a cheap technology, though.

Mehmed: You should have researched bronze working so we could have made some axemen.

Mustafa: War sucks, now go away!

Mehmed: No.

Mustafa: Just for defying me, I'm going to research Mysticism next!

Mehmed: Ok, ok, sorry!

Mustafa: No, it's too late! No bronze working for you!

Mehemd:


Year: 17560 BC

Hurrem: Hey, Buddhism has been founded in a distant land.

Mustafa: So?

Suleyman: So it's one less religion we could have founded!

Mustafa: So?

Hurrem: With religion, you can convert the leaders of other civilizations and spy on what they're doing in their cities, plus you gain extra favor with them!

Mustafa: We've only discovered one civilization so far, and they already like us... Kinda. If what you're going to say is pointless, don't tell me!


Year: 17520

Suleyman: We discovered mysticism!

Mustafa: -blank stare-

Suleyman: What?

Mustafa: Didn't I already warn you about telling me pointless things?

Suleyman: But we need to know what to research next...

Mustafa: Oh, right. Oops, sorry. Er... Research Archery.

Mehmed: Thank you, sire, thank you, thank you!

Mustafa: I only did it because it was cheapest!

Mehmed: DAMN!


Year: 17480 BC


Mustafa: I see a village right next to North Africa! With FIRE! -begins to run-

Hurrem: -holds Mustafa by the collar- Nu-uh. Youse ain't goin' no-whehs.

Mustafa: But... But... Fire...

Hurrem: Their village already got destroyed when they gave our scout a map of the surrounding area.

Mustafa: How was the village destroyed by that? Did our scout burn the village down?

Suleyman: No, it just works like that.

Mustafa: Oh, I see.


Year: 17400 BC

Mustafa: -loud snores-

Suleyman: Hey, noob! Wake up!

Mustafa: Huh? Wuzza?

Suleyman: Istanbul just finished making that worker!

Mustafa: And I was having such a nice dream about not being cold, too...

Suleyman: What do you want us to do with him?

Mustafa: Er... Send him to the hills northwest of Istanbul to work on some mines.

Hurrem: Oh, leader? I thought you should know that our scout found another village, this time actually in North Africa.

Mustafa: What did they give us?

Hurrem: A whole settler!

Mustafa: Oh, really? Great, have him found the city of Bursa on the North African coast!

Hurrem: Will do, sire!

Suleyman: Oh, and that worker started on building the mines, leader.

Mustafa: Always good, always good.

To be continued again...

 

[Sjakelen]

Year: 17320 BC


Mustafa: Waiting, waiting, I am waiting, doo dee doo...

Hurrem: Sire, we discovered a new civilization!

Mustafa: Ooh, yay! -presses button-


Alexander: Greetings, Mustafa! I am Alexander, ruler of the warlike Greek Empire! Let us join together and crush the world's armies beneath our sandals! It'll be way cool!

Mehmed: Finally, a real man!

Mustafa: Hey, Alex, calm down a bit! Do you realize there were exclaimation marks at the beginning of EVERY sentence in your greeting?

Alexander: Sorry! I can't seem to control it! So do you want peace or war?!

Mustafa: Well, I don't want war with someone who won't stop yelling, so peace it is!

Alexander: Now you're doing it!

Mustafa: So I am! I'm leaving before this gets worse, Alexander!

Alexander: Bye, then!


Year: 17240 BC


Mehemd: We discovered archery! Oh, I love arrows! They hurt, but you can't hurt them!

Mustafa: I just got over my yelling bout, now don't you start in on me. Oh, and start research on agriculture.

Mehmed: Sire, no! Please!

Mustafa: Actually, that was just a test to see if you had the yelling thing. Since you do, I actually WILL research agriculture!

Mehmed:


Year: 17200 BC


Suleyman: Leader, the mine north of Istanbul is finished, what should we do now?

Mustafa: Well, since all the resources inside Istanbul's borders I can't use yet, have the worker build a road from the mine to Istanbul.


Year: 17160 BC


Mustafa: Oh, look, another civilization. -presses button-

Washington: Welcome, Mustafa! I cannot tell a lie: I'm darned glad to meet you!

Mustafa: Everyone has that yelling thing these days! Why?!

Washington: Sorry, what?

Mustafa: Nothing, nevermind.

Washington: So do you want peace or war?

Mustafa: Well, you said you were glad to meet me, so peace I guess. Although with wrinkles like that, I don't know who'd be glad to meet you...

Washington: Sorry, I didn't catch that.

Mustafa: All for the best, then. Bye!


Year: 17120 BC


Suleyman: The road between the mine and Istanbul is completed, leader.

Mustafa: Ok, have him... Oh, we still have the same dilemma as before... Have him build some roads between resources in our borders that we can't harvest yet, by the time he's done I'm sure we'll have some technology that allows us to harvest some of them...

Hurrem: Leader, Hinduism has--

Mustafa: BAHP!

Hurrem: What?

Mustafa: I don't know, so go away.


Year: 17080 BC


Hurrem: Oh, no!

Mustafa: What is it?! Has some other civ declared war on us?!

Hurrem: No, our scout got killed by a group of savage panthers in the African jungle!

Mustafa: Oh, ok.

Hurrem: That's it? 'Oh, ok'?!

Mustafa: Yes... Why?

Hurrem: He discovered so many new lands for us! He deserves a national celebration!

Mustafa: Would that cost money?

Hurrem: Yes, but--

Mustafa: Look at the budget. See any money?

Hurrem: Er...

Mustafa: No monayz means no celebrashunz.

Hurrem: Don't try to do gansta-speak. It doesn't suit you.

Mustafa: -blows raspberry-


Year: 17000 BC


Suleyman: Leader, the borders of Istanbul expanded far enoug hthat some gems are now within them.

Mustafa: What have I told you about relevant information?

Suleyman: But we can mine gems. No more having to build pointless roads.

Mustafa: Well what are you waiting for?! Build a mine!

Suleyman: Yes, your excellency.


Year: 16920 BC


Hurrem: A scout has been trained in Istanbul. What should we do with him?

Mustafa: Send him randomly exploring, of course!

Hurrem: But that's the behavior that got the last one--

Mustafa: I guessed, thanks. Anthing else?

Sueyman: Yes, a worker has been trained in Bursa and we've finished researching agriculture.

Mustafa: Where?

Suleyman: The city in North Africa.

Mustafa: Oh, ok. Well, then have him build a farm with our newfound technology of agriculture!

Suleyman: Very good, sire. What shall we research next?

Mustafa: How does masonry sound?

Suleyman: It sounds excellent, sire!

Mustafa: Hurrem, anything you have to add?

Hurrem: Aww, thank you for asking! Don't ask.

Mustafa: Sorry, I'm confused. What?

Hurrem: Well, we've just found Hatshepsut, the Egyptian queen.

Mustafa: Well dial her number!

Hurrem: She's extremely concieted and not very friendly...

Mustafa: Doesn't matter, show me the eyeliner!


Hatshepsut: Hello, Mustafa. Surely the gods have smiled upon you, for they have led you to me!

Mustafa: I don't see the 'extremely concieted', only a little bit. We shall have peace!

Hatshepsut: You are wiser than you appear, Mustafa; it is always a good descision to maintain good status with your superiors.

Mustafa: Aaaand there it is. I'm leaving before I hear any more of this...


Year: 16720 BC


Suleyman: Sire, the Istanbul gem mine is completed and Istanbul wants you to build an archer there.

Mustafa: Connect a road from the mine to the city, and build an archer at the next opportunity.

Suleyman: Yes, sire.


Year: 16560 BC


Suleyman: Masonry has been discovered, sire! What shall we research next?

Mustafa: How about pottery to start building cottages? Where there are cottages, there are chimneys, and where there are chimneys, there are fireplaces, and where there are fireplaces there are fires, and where there are fires, there's HEAT!

Suleyman: You could have just said pottery...

Mustafa: I could have, yes... Anything else?

Suleyman: The farm near Bursa is finished, sire.

Mustafa: Then build a quarry next to it so we have marble!

Suleyman: Yes, sire.

Mehemd: Hey, wimp!

Mustafa: Name-calling won't get you anywhere.

Mehmed: Like hell. I'm supposed to tell you that a warrior has been completed in Bursa, but I doubt you're gonna use it.

Mustafa: What a clever little thing you are! Now go away!

Mehmed: -grumbles to self-


Year: 16480 BC

Hurrem: Some villagers north of Istanbul gave us a settler!

Mustafa: We were exploring there?

Hurrem: No, but a worker building some roads found it.

Mustafa: Building some roads to where?

Hurrem: You just told him to build some roads to give him something to do.

Mustafa: Well, start the city of Edirne there, it looks like the area has some good resources, and have them build an obelisk first to expand their borders.

Hurrem: Yes, sire.


Year: 16360


Sueyman: Sire, the obelisk in Istanbul is completed, and work on an archer has begun.

Mustafa: Ah, good. Anything else?

Suleyman: Yes, a worker has completed an ivory camp near Edirne.

Mustafa: Ivory? What's that from?

Suleyman: Elephant tusks, sire.

Mustafa: Elly dies?!

Suleyman: I'm afraid so, sire.

Mustafa: Nooo!! Not Elly! -curls up in a corner-


To be continued when I wake up...

 

[Diamondeye]

You made my laugh. And I'm on my own. Scary. Seriously, keep it up! Takes me back to Black and White I...

 

[Sjakelen]

Thanks. I actually forgot to save before shutting down my computer, so now I have to repeat most of the stuff from just the forums =/ And yeah, there's even a quote from B&W II in there, see if you can find it

 

[Diamondeye]

The B&W2 quote will be... "We were exploring there?", "Hello Wimp!", or the thing about the national celebration

 

[Sjakelen]

No, actually it's Mehmed's comment about arrows lol. Sorry for the delay in posting, like I said, I have to redo every turn by pressing the 'windows' key to minimize the game so that I can memorize what I did that turn.

 

[vengeance1000]

LMAO! Nice job on this! Can't wait for more. This is going to have to be one that I keep up with! I enjoy your sense of humor in all of this.

 

[Sjakelen]

It may actually be a bit hard to do that, since I bought BtS the day after starting this story, and now feel that I can never go back to basic CivIV. However, all is not lost, for I will almost certainly be posting a different story using BtS soon! Sorry about ending this one and all...