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The Russians are coming!!! ...to Earth 18 Civs

Discussion in 'Civ4 - Stories & Tales' started by brandon.herren, Oct 29, 2011.

  1. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011
    Update :D

    Catherine: Another City, Rostov was founded!
    Stalin: What about Stalingrad??????
    Catherine: That's our 9th city
    Gorbachev: Our Economy can't take this much longer!
    Ivan: What's an economy?
    Putin: Were losing 30 gold per turn! This is what happens to non-communist countries! They all go into debt! We need a revolution
    Catherine: Well, we're not getting communism for another 2000 years or so, so we need another solution. Well?
    Peter: I've got an idea!
    Catherine: Anyone?
    Peter: Did you hear me?
    Catherine: Seriously, does anyone have an idea?
    Peter: :mad: FORGET IT

    *Peter leaves*

    Catherine: That was certainly enjoyable! :lol:
    Stalin: I'll have to agree here...

    *Asoka enters*

    Asoka: Hi, I'm Asoka of the Indian Empire. Would you like open borders?
    Catherine: Sure *whisper* I'll warn you idiots not to mention the UK or Pakistan...
    Ivan: Whats Pakistan?
    Asoka: What did you just say? :mad:

    *Asoka leaves (breaking a vase on the way out...)*

    Catherine: That was my favorite vase too... Ivan!!!!!
    Ivan: Um... How was I supposed to know? I had never heard of them? :scared:

    *Ivan leaves*

    Alexander II: And then there were 6... By the way, why not convert to Slavery to help our economy?
    Catherine: Right, High upkeep and slave revolts sound SO beneficial :rolleyes:
    Gorbachev: I'm sick of her bossing, I vote yes!
    Putin: Yes!
    Stalin: Yes!
    Nicholas II: Yes! Slavery it is! And we just discovered Iron Working!
    Catherine: You'll regret bringing up that vote...

    Meanwhile with Peter

    Peter: I'll show that stupid Catherine...
    Lenin: Hey Peter, what are you doing in Paris?
    Peter: I'm going to capture London! Are you willing to join me?
    Lenin: Sure! I'm feeling good for a Crusade!

    *Elizabeth enters*

    Elizabeth: I've heard from others that when this happens, It means you're going to declare war...
    Peter: That's right!
    Lenin: Russian Crusade!
    Elizabeth: Whatever... I may have forgot to warn you, but attack London, and I'll kill you...
    Lenin: We'll see...

    Battle of London
    2 Russian Chariots vs 2 English Warriors :lol: Again!
    Victory! 0 losses
    London is captured by the Russian Empire

    *Peter and Lenin return*

    Peter: I'm back!
    Lenin: Me too!
    Catherine: Finally, lazy....
    Peter: Hmm... I think not, we just captured London, while I'm sure you guys just argued the whole time!
    Catherine: Wait what?
    Peter: That's right, we captured London! Take that Catherine! I led a successful battle and you didn't :p
    Nicholas II: Great Work!
    Lenin: My Crusades always succed ;)
    Catherine: The C word!

    Attached Files:

  2. hoplitejoe

    hoplitejoe Top fun-poster

    Mar 22, 2010
    I only count 9 cities?
  3. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011
    Fixed it. And while playing, I conquered another civ :D Leading to my conclusion that Chariots are the most awesome unit in all of civ!
  4. MaxWar

    MaxWar King

    Oct 30, 2011
    In America's hat.
    I love how they totally own Axemen.
  5. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011
    So true, and for me they somehow always manage to beat an Archer...
    Anyways, after playing for 35 more turns, 1 more civ is gone :D
    2nd update for today coming soon :)
  6. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011

    Catherine: Ok, time for another vote for who to attack
    Stalin: We seem to do this a lot... Just look at all of the destroyed civs...
    Peter: I vote Germany!
    Catherine: What? It's tradition that I vote first!
    Peter: Too bad! :p
    Catherine: Do that again, and I'll cut your tongue off....
    Peter: Um...
    Lenin: I vote Germany!
    Stalin: Germany!!!!! Russia's Revenge is soon!
    Alexander II: Germany!
    Everyone else: Germany!
    Peter: Germany wins by unanimous vote :)

    *Frederick enters*

    Frederick: Yeah yeah yeah... You declare war blah blah blah...
    Peter: Hey! It's no fun if I don't get to say it! But your right. It's war time!
    Frederick: I won't go down without a fight!
    Lenin: :rolleyes: Good luck with stopping a CRUSADE!!!
    Catherine: Stop saying the C Word!!!!

    *Frederick leaves*

    Battle of Berlin (725 BC, not 1945 AD...)
    5 Russian Chariots vs 2 German Archers!
    Victory, 2 Chariots lost :(
    The Russian Empire captures Berlin

    Battle of Hamburg
    3 Russian Chariots vs 1 German Archer
    Victory, 1 Chariot lost
    The Russian Empire captures Hamburg

    Lenin: Have we defeated them yet?
    Alexander II: Nope, they have 2 more cities!
    Frederick: See! Talk about underestimating the enemy
    Catherine: Well, you can't really blame him, considering every single other Civ we've destroyed had only 1 city...
    Frederick: Well, the Germans will beat the Russians!
    Stalin: I seriously doubt that Believe me, I know what will happen ;)

    2nd Battle of Hamburg
    1 Russian Chariot vs 2 German Chariots
    Loss :eek:, 1 Russian Chariot lost, 1 German Chariot destroyed
    The German Empire recaptures Hamburg :faint:....:trouble:

    Lenin: What??? We lost a battle? The world must be ending
    Frederick: Go Germany! :lol: Pretty strong garrison you had :lol:
    Peter: :mad: You'll see!

    Battle of Munich
    2 Russian Chariots, 1 Russian Axeman, 1 Russian Swordsman vs
    1 German Spearman, 2 German Axeman <----(Easy targets :))
    0 Losses :D
    The Russian Empire captures Munich

    3rd Battle of Hamburg
    3 Russian Swordsman, 3 Russian Chariots, 1 Russian Spearman vs
    2 German Archers (overkill??? :D)
    1 Swordman lost
    The Russian Empire razes Hamburg

    Lenin: Ha ha ha! In your face Fred! :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
    Frederick: Were still alive!
    Putin: Um, yes, *cough* 1 pop city *cough* :lol:
    Frederick: You'll all see!

    Battle of Cologne
    3 Russian Swordsman, 1 Russian Axeman, 2 Russian Chariots vs
    2 German Archers
    1 Swordsman lost
    The Russian Empire razes Cologne

    The German Civilization has been destroyed!

    Lenin: I see it alright! I see city ruins :lol:
    Frederick: Curses! You will be destroyed!
    Lenin: Right, right! Send him to the guillotine!
    Frederick: Guillotine???? It's only 525 BC!
    Putin: Well, we do happen to own France...

    *Guards escort Frederick to the first guillotine ever created*

    Gorbachev: You know, we really need an economic adviser! We're losing 32 gold per turn... at 50% research!
    Ivan: I don't get why we need an "economy". Doesn't war satisfy our needs?
    Lenin: Communism! It will get rid of our distance maintenance cost, cutting our expenses in half, and restoring economic equilibrium
    Catherine: Was that actually Lenin speaking?
    Lenin: Yeah, that was me!
    Catherine: Ok... And here I thought you weren't capable of uttering a vocabulary word more complex than crusade...
    Lenin: You said the C word :p

    *Messenger enters*

    Messenger: We founded Confucianism in Berlin! Should we convert?
    Catherine: Ha! These idiots following the concepts of Confucianism! I'd like to see that...
    Lenin: NO Way!!!!!! Confucianism advocates pacifism!
    Stalin: Seriously! I vote no too!
    Ivan: No!
    Putin: No!
    Alexander II: No!
    Catherine: That's already majority no...
    Messenger: Ok

    *Messenger leaves*

    *Another Messenger enters*

    Messenger: We built the Oracle in Greece!
    Alexander II: For some reason, that feels so right...
    Messenger: What should be discovered?
    Everyone: Metal Casting!
    Catherine: Wait a second... Did we just all agree on something? :eek:
    Peter: That's one of the signs that the world is ending...

    *Mansa enters*

    Mansa: I have come to offer Open Borders!
    Catherine: Sure
    Peter: Sure
    Catherine: I already said that!
    Mansa: I feel your pain. My adviser Joe is always being an idiot! He's delusional half the time!
    Catherine: Wow! That's a near perfect description of Peter!. What a coincidence! :lol:

    3 Updates in One Day :D And I'm still sane... For the moment :lol:

    Attached Files:

  7. MaxWar

    MaxWar King

    Oct 30, 2011
    In America's hat.
    Good story!
    You are pretty much destroying everything in this game :lol:

    I can only mean one thing, Noble is too easy for you :p
  8. hoplitejoe

    hoplitejoe Top fun-poster

    Mar 22, 2010
    Needs more Siberia
  9. Tycho

    Tycho AFK Forum Warrior

    Jul 31, 2011
    Needs moar Siberia and Asia! Hopefully the Mongols won't sweep by and try to annihilate Russia...
  10. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011
    I'll settle it eventually, but it's a little too tundradidy for me. Update soon :)
  11. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011

    Catherine: Were building a Buddhist Temple in Madrid :)
    Lenin: What??? That's violating the Atheist Crusade code! How dare you! The people in Paris know better...
    Catherine: Every sane person I know violates that code...
    Lenin: Barbaric Catherine...
    Catherine: What did you just say??? ...:trouble: I'm not barbaric! I'll prove it! I bet that I'll get more culture points in Moscow, then you will in Paris!
    Lenin: Your on!... Who are we going to attack?
    Ivan: I vote Mongolia!
    Peter: Egypt
    Catherine: Egypt!
    Gorbachev: Egypt
    Alexander II: Egypt
    Putin: *cough* America *cough*
    Catherine: Why do you always say that?
    Putin: If you lived in the year 2011, you might understand what I mean...
    Gorbachev: Undoing all of my progress....
    Putin: What? I'm making Russia more "Democratic" :shifty:
    Catherine: Even though I ruled in the 1700's, I can tell your lying... Anyways, on topic, we're attacking Egypt

    *Hatshepsut enters*

    Hatshepsut: Hi!
    Peter: You don't know?
    Hatshepsut: Know what?
    Peter: We DECLARE WAR! :crazyeye:
    Hatshepsut: Whatever, you'll lose, and we'll bury your bodies under a Pyramid...
    Catherine: Do that to Lenin? Please! I'll actually pay you...
    Lenin: What? We're at war with her, and you want me to be sacrificed to her... treason...
    Ivan: I doubt she's the only Russian ruler who had committed treason... *looks at Stalin and Putin*
    Putin: Huh? Why are you looking at me...
    Peter: Guys, just stop... The battle's about to begin!

    Battle of Heliopolis
    4 Russian Chariots, 1 Russian Swordsman, 1 Russian Axeman, 1 Russian Spearmen vs
    2 Egyptian Archers, 1 Egyptian Warrior... (Seriously, it's already past turn 100...)
    Casualties: 1 Chariot
    The Russian Empire captures Heliopolis!

    Lenin: That's one for Russia, zip for Egypt :D
    Ivan: And you defended with a warrior... :lol:
    Hatshepsut: :mad: Maybe, I'm not a psychopathic warmonger unlike others...
    Catherine: Those too do fit that description
    Lenin: Treason again!
    Peter: If treason is insulting another leader, then she commits about 100 cases of it every day...
    Catherine: I do? I never noticed...

    Battle of Thebes
    4 Russian Swordsman, 2 Russian Axeman, 4 Russian Chariots, 1 Russian Spearman vs
    2 Egyptian Archers, 1 Egyptian Horse Archer
    Casualties: 0 :)
    The Russian Empire captures Thebes

    Battle of Memphis
    3 Russian Swordsman, 2 Russian Axeman, 4 Russian Chariots vs
    2 Egyptian Archers, 1 Egyptian War Chariot, 1 Egyptian Warrior
    Casualties: 1 Axeman, 1 Chariot
    The Russian Empire captures Memphis

    The :egypt: Civ has been Destroyed :spear:

    Hatshepsut: For the record, you didn't use tanks to defeat us...
    Lenin: True... But you used Warriors to defend against us :lol:
    Hatshepsut: Next time, I'll just get spearman... stupid chariots...
    Peter: Aren't War Chariots your special unit...
    Catherine: Yet they still lost to our "normal" chariots :p
    Hatshepsut: Yeah yeah yeah, don't rub it in....

    *Hatshepsut disappears!*

    Catherine: Well that was weird...
    Putin: Must be the capitalists...
    Lenin: I'll believe that...
    Stalin: Makes perfect sense
    Catherine: Idiots....

    *Messenger enters*

    Messenger: We just recieved a letter!

    Lenin: He's a smart guy :D
    Catherine: The Ruler of the universe favors Lenin??? :confused: Of all people....

    *Messenger5 enters*

    Messenger5: We built a Golden Statue of Lenin, called the Colossus
    Lenin: Great Work :D You guys are awesome!
    Catherine: You must be kidding! :eek:

    *Messenger5 leaves*

    Gorbachev: Anyway, we seem to finally have a solution for the economy. The Jewish shrine in Memphis will give 20 gold per turn :cool: $$$$
    Catherine: Yet another one of my brilliant solutions!
    Peter: ???? Your idea...???? You wish... :lol:
    Catherine: Did someone say something.... Nah, must have been nothing...
    Peter: So ignored....

    *Cyrus enters*

    Cyrus: Well...
    Peter: What?
    Cyrus: Convert to Judaism!
    Lenin: NO! Atheism FTW!!!!!!! ... And crusades too...
    Cyrus: Don't those two kind of contradict each other...
    Catherine: He contradicts himself a lot...
    Lenin: Hey!
    Catherine: Ha, I always get the last laugh...
    Lenin: Right... You didn't forget about are bet did you... Paris got more culture :lol:
    Catherine: Maybe I spoke too soon...
    Lenin: Barbaric Catherine :p

    Attached Files:

  12. Optical

    Optical The Fall of the Eleventh

    Sep 16, 2010
    Help me. I don't know where I am.
    Stupid AI... warriors :lol:

    Nice update!
  13. MaxWar

    MaxWar King

    Oct 30, 2011
    In America's hat.
    You captured Thebes twice!! :eek:

    This is almost as incredible as the dream i had last night: I was taking my shower and there were miniature nuclear explosions in the bathtub. I was trying not to stand too close to them but nonetheless, by the time i was done washing my hair, half of my face was irradiated.
  14. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011
    Oops, fixed. My dreams are almost as crazy :crazyeye: Once, I dreamed I was a homeless ghost, and I built a house out of food, and then I fell onto a tree, and I woke up :crazyeye:

    Thanks! Yeah you think they'd learn that Warriors are obsolete by turn 110...
  15. MaxWar

    MaxWar King

    Oct 30, 2011
    In America's hat.
    I write my dreams sometimes, and usualy post them on facebook when i do. Too bad i write them i french :lol:
  16. christos200

    christos200 Never tell me the odds

    Jan 9, 2011
    EU, Greece, Athens
    Great updates.
  17. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011
    Since I'm leaving soon, and won't be able to update for a while, I declare today...

    Quadruple Update Day

  18. brandon.herren

    brandon.herren NorthKorea Waterbottles:)

    Jun 7, 2011
    Update #1 :)

    Stalin: We discovered Machinery!
    Gorbachev: Since when do you announce discovered technologies...
    Catherine: I agree. No warmonger should be allowed to announce that. So, Putin, Lenin, Stalin, Ivan. Oh and Peter :lol: ,can't say it!
    Peter: I'm no warmonger! You are!
    Lenin: Nah... She's too pacifist to be a warmonger...
    Catherine: You guys should try Pacifism...
    Alexander II: Personally, I estimate an 2% chance of converting them...
    Catherine: True...

    *Messenger enters*

    Catherine: If this has to do with another Lenin statue, get lost!
    Lenin: Don't be mean... So, is it another statue of our glorius :king:
    Catherine: That statement is nowhere near true...
    Messenger: We built Chicken Itza!
    Catherine: Ha! Take that Mr. "Glorious King"
    Lenin: It doesn't matter, Paris still has the Colossus of Lenin! :D
    Catherine: That old rusty statue...
    Lenin: :mad: Well, you don't have a statue!
    Catherine: Statue's are for losers!
    Lenin: Are not!
    Catherine: Are too!
    Gorbachev: Please, children, let's just both agree that you are both monsters and move on!
    Peter: Ha! I'll agree with that!:lol:
    Catherine: I'm the glorius queen, and you Peter, are the barbaric servant monster!
    Alexander II: Will you all be quiet! Jeez, and this is how our government runs...
    Lenin: One simple switch to Communism would fix that...
    Catherine: It's only 300 AD!!! Communism doesn't exist! :mad:
    Lenin: Ha! As long as I'm here, it will exist
    Putin: On to actual buisness... Who should we attack?
    Peter: Arabia!
    Putin: Arabia!
    Lenin: Arabia!
    Ivan: Arabia!
    Stalin: Arabia!
    Catherine: Ha! Notice how all of the warmongers repeat exactly what you say...

    *Saladin enters*

    Saladin: Um... Hello. I was randomly teleported right outside of the building for some reason...
    Peter: Weird... Anways, Time to DIE, Saladin
    Saladin: Ha, I'll believe that... If Lenin here is your Military Adviser, than I'm not a bit afraid...
    Catherine: Ha! I don't blame you... Lenin doesn't exactly intimidate anyone...
    Lenin: I'm very intimidating!
    Catherine: Sure... if annoyance is intimidating, your the most intimidating person in the world!
    Saladin: Are you guys actually going to attack?
    Gorbachev: In about 5 minutes. Just wait for these fools to stop attacking themselves....

    5 Minutes later :)

    Battle of Mecca (Saladin: How did you get all the way to Mecca in 5 minutes?)
    3 Russian Maceman, 3 Russian Chariots vs
    2 Arabian Archers (Somehow promoted with all 3 city defense promotions...) 1 Axeman
    Casualties: 2 Maceman :(
    The Russian Empire captures Mecca

    Saladin: I suppose I was wrong to underestimate you...
    Catherine: Not really, anyone who stays in a room with Lenin for 5 minutes will underestimate our empire... with good reason :lol:
    Saladin: Whatever, you haven't beat me yet. I still have 5 more cities...
    Lenin: 5 more cities... fine, we'll take a short break...
    Catherine: I got reports, two more cities were founded, Yekaterinburg, and Yaroslavl'
    Lenin: Leningrad will never come, will it... :cry:
    Catherine: What do you think? :D
    Stalin: What about Stalingrad :)
    Catherine: Not coming! :D
    Lenin/Stalin: :cry:
    Peter: Um... Are you two okay...
    Lenin/Stalin: ...:cry:
    Saladin: Wow... It's a wonder you guys have conquered so many cities...
    Catherine: Believe me, I wonder about the same thing...
    brandon.herren: End of Update!
    Everyone: :eek:........:cry:
    Lenin: :cry: Wait! What??? We didn't finish conquering Arabia yet!
    brandon.herren: Wait until next update :) I still have to do 3 more updates to do for other stories today
    Lenin: I think your just being lazy... :p

    Attached Files:

  19. stfoskey12

    stfoskey12 Emperor of Foskania

    Dec 27, 2010
    35° 12' N 97° 26' W
    Where are the other 3 updates?
  20. MaxWar

    MaxWar King

    Oct 30, 2011
    In America's hat.
    In his 3 other stories :p

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