The Story of 18 Civs; the Egyptian Version

[Pacifist46]

Hi there, this is my second attempt at a story on this forum.
Unfortunately, I had to stop my last story because the save file became corrupted, and after many unsuccesful tries to "uncorrupt" it, I gave up and started a new game. This game will be based on playing Egypt on the 18 Civs Earth map, and I intend to make it as interesting as possible. I am playing on Noble Difficulty, being the shocking player that I am, and screenshots WILL be included.

The Story of 18 Civs – the Egyptian Version​

4000BC​

The Egyptian Queen Hatshepsut and her advisors are seated in the Royal Tent
HATSHEPSUT: Right, you idiots, shut up and listen. Apparently we’re founding a new civilization today.
Khalid Miye (Expansion and Exploration advisor) Cool!
HATSHEPSUT: Did I SAY it was cool?
KHALID: No, but . . .
HATSHEPSUT: Then shut up.
KHALID: Sorry.
HATSHEPSUT: You will be when I’ve finished painfully removing your brains and sculpting them into a weapon with which I will KILL you.
Scythe Aten (Military Advisor) Ha Ha Ha! That was a good one!
HATSHEPSUT: Of course, I could do the same to Scythe, if he had any brains.
SCYTHE: Wait a minute . . . Erm, you didn’t just insult me, did you?
HATSHEPSUT: Why, of course not, Scythe dear.
SCYTHE: Oh. Fair enough then.
Ay Caramba: (Religion and Culture advisor): To get back to the point . . .
HATSHEPSUT: Yes, I think we will. Khalid, show me our starting position.

 

[Pacifist46]

AY: Not bad, methinks. Plenty of Marble and Stone to quarry and help with Wonders of the World.
HATSHEPSUT: Did I SAY we were buiding any poncy Wonders of the World?
AY: Erm . . . you might have.
HATSHEPSUT: Oh. I must have been mistaken then, because we’re not. Instead, we’re beelining for Construction and Iron Working and then wiping out the nearest civilization. Meanwhile, no time can be spent on bloody Wonders, understand?
AY: Yes, Your Highness.
HATSHEPSUT: However, I do like this starting position. Although there will be plenty of disease around, there is also plenty of food, and resource-wise, we have Marble, Stone, Wheat and Incense in the BFC.
SCYTHE: Did you just say Incest? Ha Ha Ha!
HATSHEPSUT: OH MY GOD! What is so funny about that?
SCYTHE: Erm . . . no, actually I’ve forgotten what I was laughing at now.

 

[Pacifist46]

3840BC​

The first meeting of the council is held in the palaceHATSHEPSUT: Go on then. What did you want?
KHALID: I just thought you might be interested, Your Highness . . .
HATSHEPSUT: If I ever get to hear it I might.
KHALID: Our Warrior encountered upon a Tribal Village, and the locals were so impressed that they decided to leave their homes, and become Warriors for the Egyptian Empire.
HATSHEPSUT: Suckers! Have them all killed.
KHALID: But Your Highness . . .
HATSHEPSUT: You heard what I said, matey.
AY: If I might interrupt, Your Highness, it might be more useful to have them scouting for gold and exploring the region more thoroughly.
HATSHEPSUT: Erm . . . I mean, of course it is, I was just testing Khalid here. Khalid, next time try and think a bit more about things, yeah?
KHALID: Did I fail the test, Your Highness?

 

[Pacifist46]

3800BC​

The council is summoned urgently
HATSHEPSUT: Guys, be on your best behaviour for our guests. That means you, Scythe, so stop dribbling.
(A stranger enters the room)
STRANGER: Greetings, Hatshepsut! I am Alexander, ruler of the Greek Empire! Let us join together and crush the world’s armies beneath our sandals! It’ll be way cool!
HATSHEPSUT: Ha! You think I need your help to crush the world’s armies?
ALEXANDER: Well, I was hoping you might.
HATSHEPSUT: Well, then, you’re in luck. NOT!
ALEXANDER: Whatever, and oh yeah, let there be peace in our time.
HATSHEPSUT: For now, Greek. For now.
ALEXANDER: Good. In that case, I’ll be in Greece if you change your mind about the whole joining together thing. Bye!

 

[Pacifist46]

SCYTHE: That guy did look like he knew what he was talking about, you know. Alexander has a track record of success on the battlefield.
HATSHEPSUT: Scythe, you know little. I am much better at war than some idiot who wears a branch on his head. Anyway, shut up now, because here comes our second visitor.
(Another stranger enters the room)
STRANGER: Greetings, Hatshepsut! It is an honour to meet you! May the heavens bestow upon you an empire only slightly less glorious than mine!
HATSHEPSUT: You got the first bit right, but I think that Egypt is maybe twice as glorious as your puny kingdom.
SALADIN: Get real, Hatshepsut. Arabia is glorious, if only because I rule it.
HATSHEPSUT: Actually, it’s the same with Egypt. These guys here wouldn’t have a clue about Empire management if I hadn’t taught them.
SALADIN: Well, anyway I know you covet Arabia, but you can’t have it.
HATSHEPSUT: Says who?
SALADIN: Says the mighty Arabian army.
HATSHEPSUT: Oh yeah? Well my army is invading your puny country so Ha!
SALADIN: Go on then. See you on the battlefield . . . if you dare.
HATSHEPSUT: I do dare. Your head would look mighty fine on one of my poles.
(Saladin exits)
HATSHEPSUT: Well, I handled that well. Send our two Warriors towards the Arabian capital.

 

[Pacifist46]

3720BC​

The Egyptian council meets
HATSHEPSUT: Right, what’s the war status, Scythe?
SCYTHE: Our two warriors are camped on the hillside outside Mecca, the Arabian capital. They have one warrior inside the city.
HATSHEPSUT: Right. So at the moment, we have more forces than them, is that what you’re saying?
SCYTHE: I don’t know. We have two warriors . . . they have one warrior . . . no, this maths is too complicated for me, I’m afraid.
HATSHEPSUT: Never mind, Scythe. At least I know what’s going on.
AY: If I may speak, your Highness, Mining has been researched, and a wise leader would research Mysticism next, with a view to building Stonehenge.
HATSHEPSUT: Nice try, Ay, but we are in fact going on to research Hunting, you knew that.
AY: I did indeed, but it doesn’t change the facts.
HATSHEPSUT: Nope, it doesn’t. And the fact is, we are researching Hunting. End of discussion.

 

[Pacifist46]

3680BC​

Scythe calls the council together
SCYTHE: Guess what guys . . .
HATSHEPSUT: :cough:
SCYTHE: and . . . erm, guyesses? We have captured Mecca!
HATSHEPSUT: Brilliant. The Egyptian queen shows great wisdom and leadership to defeat her foes.
SCYTHE: Well, actually it was a bit sketchy really. The first warrior damaged their warrior, but was unable to take the city and was killed. The second warrior had odds of 40% or something, and won!
HATSHEPSUT: Well played, guys. I assume you sent those warriors from the tribal village in first to be slaughtered?
SCYTHE: Erm . . . Of course.
HATSHEPSUT: Good. Instruct Mecca to build a barracks and let’s go. Saladin was killed immediately, I presume?
SCYTHE: You know how I love killing people, Your Highness.
AY: It’s a shame you didn’t let Saladin found a religion before declaring war on him, Your Highness, because . . .
HATSHPESUT: Shut UP! All I care is, we won the war. Let’s see what other civilizations we can wipe out next.

 

[Pacifist46]

3640BC​

Ay is talking to Queen Hatshepsut
AY: Buddhism was apparently founded recently; did you know that, Your Highness?
HATSHEPSUT: I neither knew nor care, Ay.
AY: Of course, my lady. However, Hinduism is still for sale, and if you wanted to make a late bid . . .
HATSHEPSUT: . . . then I would be mad? My sentiments exactly, Ay.
AY: Oh well.

 

[Pacifist46]

3520BC​

The council meet to discuss technology
KHALID: I understand . . .
HATSHEPSUT: Very little.
KHALID: . . . that we have researched Hunting?
SCYTHE: Aye.
AY: What?
SCYTHE: What?
AY: Why did you say Ay?
HATSHEPSUT: Jeez, you’re as stupid as each other, aren’t you? Our next tech is Masonry, so get going, fools.
AY: Mysticism it is then.
HATSHEPSUT: Did I say Mysticism, Khalid?
KHALID: Sorry, wasn’t listening.
HATSHEPSUT: Imbecile. Scythe, did I say Mysticism?
SCYTHE: Erm . . . I can’t remember, Your Highness.
HATSHEPSUT: Bloody . . . I mean, never mind. It’s Masonry, Ay. May – sun – ree.
AY: (sighs) As you command, oh wise one.
HATSHEPSUT: Just as well one of us can remember, eh? You three are so stupid, you couldn’t beat a goldfish at Os and Xs.
AY: And just how do you beat a goldfish at Os and Xs?
HATSHEPSUT: Easy. You stab it, then take three goes at once.

 

[Pacifist46]

3480BC​

Another stranger asks for an audience with Queen Hatshepsut
HATSHEPSUT: Aha! Another civilization to meet!
(stranger enters)
STRANGER: Greetings, oh wise ruler of the Egyptian peoples! Persia is strong – shall we count you among our friends, or among our enemies?
HATSHEPSUT: I don’t bloody know yet. I’ve only just met you.
CYRUS: Strong emphasis on the words Persia is strong.
HATSHEPSUT: Well, Egypt is stronger. We’ve already wiped out the Arabians.
CYRUS: Oh yeah, like wiping out a religious nutter is soooo hard.
HATSHEPSUT: Don’t see that you’ve done it yet. Anyway, There shall be peace in our time!
CYRUS: Unoriginal, yet effective. Goodbye, Hatshepsut.

(Cyrus exits)

KHALID: I hope you know, the Persians can be a force. Definitely one of the better civs in this game.
HATSHEPSUT: Of course I know, fool. Do you really think you would know anything that I didn’t?

 

[Pacifist46]

3200BC​

The council is in session
HATSHEPSUT: OK boys, we’ve finished research on Masonry, now you three get to vote on what we research next.
AY: Finally, a swing towards reason. I vote Animal Husbandry.
SCYTHE: Erm . . . I don’t know what that means.
HATSHEPSUT: Why is no-one here surprised?
SCYTHE: Well, I vote Animal Hus . . . whatever it was, too.
KHALID: And so do I.
HATSHEPSUT: Well, now it’s time for my vote, and seeing as I’m at least four times more clever, I get four votes. And they all vote for Archery.
AY: Whaat?
SCYTHE: Ooh! I think that was close.
HATSHEPSUT: It was, but Archery wins, and you lot can’t complain, you got to vote, didn’t you?
AY: Erm, yes, very democratic, You Highness.
HATSHEPSUT: Even so, we nearly made a stupid decision, and so I think I’ll just keep deciding what techs we research from now on.
AY: How wise. And by the way, Hinduism was founded recently, in a distant land.
HATSHEPSUT: As long as it wasn’t here. What do I care for religion?
AY: Clearly little.

 

[Pacifist46]

2680BC​

The council has a meeting
HATSHEPSUT: Right, guys, a few things.
KHALID: Please proceed, Your Highness
HATSHEPSUT: Firstly, I researched Archery and Pottery without so much as telling you, so there.
AY: I’m glad to see you started Writing, though.
HATSHEPSUT: Only because it leads to Mathematics, and then Construction. You didn’t think there was the slightest chance that we would be building Libraries, did you?
AY: Actually, I hoped we might.
HATSHEPSUT: Shows how much you know then. Anyway, when the Archer in Thebes is finished I plan to start work on a Settler for our third glorious city. Take a look at this map:

 

[Pacifist46]

HATSHEPSUT: I plan to build Memphis in the target square for a number of reasons. Mainly, because it captures 2 Dye, Wine, Sheep and the southern Oasis within the BFC. Also, because it provides a good base from which to attack the Persians, whose border is to the east, and the Greeks to the west.
AY: As much as it pains me to say it, that sounds a fairly well reasoned approach.
SCYTHE: WHOA! What is that big red cross thing?
HATSHEPSUT: You do know I drew that on there, don’t you, Scythe?
SCYTHE: What? Did you? Why?
HATSHEPSUT: Never mind, you dolt. Do you guys like the plan?
KHALID: I think so, Your Highness.
HATSHEPSUT: Not that it matters, because I was doing it anyway. Meeting over.

 

[Pacifist46]

2400BC​

The council awaits the arrival of another stranger
KHALID: . . . and the Indian borders were sighted this morning, just east of Persia.
HATSHEPSUT: I’m spoilt for choice, aren’t I? Who shall I destroy first?

(a stranger enters)

STRANGER: May peace and happiness go with you always, Hatshepsut. I am Asoka of India.
HATSHEPSUT: I’m always happiest when wiping out lesser mortals.
ASOKA: That doesn’t conform to the peace part, Hatshepsut.
HATSHEPSUT: Oh well. Peace it is for now, I guess, seeing as my army is not by your borders yet.
ASOKA: And hopefully it never will be. Until next time.

(Asoka exits)

SCYTHE: Ha! Every game of 18Civs you’ve ever experienced, Asoka has been vassalised by someone – and not always by you first.
HATSHEPSUT: Yes! This is going great.
AY: The Indians are much more impressive culturally than you the majority of times though.
HATSHEPSUT: What utter rubbish you talk Ay! In case you forgot, I’m Creative? Ever-expanding borders ring any bells? Anyway, I don’t care, the Indians are high up on my To Kill list. Meeting over.

 

[Pacifist46]

1960BC​

Asoka is back
ASOKA: Since you researched Writing some turns ago, I wondered if you’d like Open Borders with India.
HATSHEPSUT: AHA! A sleazy attempt to undermine the foundation of the mighty Egyptian Empire!
ASOKA: What? Where?
HATSHEPSUT: You mean to scope out my lands and then build an army suited to it, do you not?
ASOKA: No, I think you’re mistaken. That is likely YOUR plan, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take, in order to trade with your Empire.
HATSHEPSUT: Oh. In that case, I will sign.
ASOKA: And good health to you too. Goodbye.

(Asoka exits)

HATSHEPSUT: Do you think he’s on to us?
AY: No chance, not after the subtle and clever way in which you didn’t blurt out our tactics the moment he entered the room.
HATSHEPSUT: Oh, OK then. All the same, I don’t trust anyone with hair longer than mine.
AY: Why?
HATSHEPSUT: Because I don’t trust anyone else either. Why would I just trust long-haired people, you idiot? Anyway, Memphis was founded this morning, as planned, and started on a Barracks.
SCYTHE: Yes! Fair play.
HATSHEPSUT: Oh, and I almost forgot, I researched Animal Husbandry as well. The sooner our Chariots and Horse Archers start being produced, the faster we have enough to crush Persia with. I’ve noticed a correlation there. Meeting over.

 

[Pacifist46]

1920​

Cyrus holds talks with Hatshepsut
HATSHEPSUT: I was wondering when you’d show up again.
CYRUS: Don’t worry, I plan to bugger off soon enough. Just as soon as you’ve signed this Open Borders agreement.
HATSHEPSUT: Hmm. No, I don’t think I will, thanks. Not just yet.
CYRUS: What? Why not? Are you some kind of Egyptian Tokugawa?
HATSHEPSUT: I have my reasons, and they say, not yet. Now be a good ruler and go back to Persia.
CYRUS: Fine. I will. I don’t even care anyway. Why would I even want Open Borders? Out of pity, nothing more.

(Cyrus exits)

AY: That was prudent. Can’t have Cyrus knowing about our lands before we crush him, can we?
HATSHEPSUT: Of course not. He might find out we have Horses.

 

[Pacifist46]

1760BC​

Another band of strangers arrive to greet Queen Hatshepsut
HATSHEPSUT: Here comes the latest wacko. I hope he is weak.

( A stranger enters)

STRANGER: Greetings, honourable Hatshepsut. Let us hope that there will always be peace between Chinese Empire and Egypt – for that is all that stands between you and immediate annihilation.
HATSHEPSUT: It is, I admit. Immediate annihiliation would be too easy.
QIN: I agree.
HATSHEPSUT: Oh, and what do think you’re doing, standing on the Great Wall? That’s Egyptian; it’s being built in Mecca.
QIN: Whatever. Peace it is.
HATSHEPSUT: I think it would be best for you.
QIN: And for you. Until soon, Hatshepsut.

(Qin Shi’h Huang exits)

HATSHEPSUT: Well, he at least seemed to understand the greater power of Egypt; he reckoned he would be annihilated immediately.
AY: Yes. Of course, that is what he meant.
HATSHEPSUT: Well what else could he have meant, you fool? Honestly, think before you speak, eh?

 

[Pacifist46]

1560BC​

Alexander requests Open Borders
HATSHEPSUT: I wondered when I’d be seeing you again.
ALEXANDER: Have you re-thought my offer yet?
HATSHEPSUT: A thousand times. And the answer is still no.
ALEXANDER: Your loss anyway. Perhaps you’ll settle for Open Borders?
HATSHEPSUT: Go for it.
ALEXANDER: Thanks honey. Bye!

 

[Pacifist46]

1520BC​

Ay calls the council together
AY: Take a peek at this:

 

[Pacifist46]

HATSHEPSUT: Wahoo! No barbarians from deep Africa then to harass the borders of the Empire.
AY: Indeed not. That’s our first wonder, and well deserved.
HATSHEPSUT: I know. I deserve a lot. In fact, I often find that I think I should deserve intelligent advisors, instead of you lot.
AY: You can’t have everything, my lady.