The Tortoise and the Hare

[CoffeeShopFrank]

TORTOISE WINS.

I ruined the ending for all of you!

 

[Dumanios]

Good for you.

 

[Lord Baal]

TORTOISE WINS.

I ruined the ending for all of you!

You obviously haven't seen the new J.J Abrams "re-imagining" with its shock twist ending.

 

[TheMulattoMaker]

You obviously haven't seen the new J.J Abrams "re-imagining" with its shock twist ending.

Or the Michael Bay verson where it's a neck-and-neck tie two feet from the finish line, and a mysterious explosion sends them both flying back to the start.

 

[_random_]

Or the Christoper Nolan version where Tortoise's toe is hovering near the finish line and it cuts to a black screen.

 

[warpus]

Or the M. Night Shamalayhanalan version where the tortoise IS the hare

 

[Kan' Sharuminar]

Or the James Cameron version where the special effects are top notch, but the story has been done already.

 

[Lord Baal]

Or the M. Night Shamalayhanalan version where the tortoise IS the hare

This is the best one.

How about the Uwe Boll one where the Tortoise and the Hare are played by prostitutes, have a gunfight, a car-chase, and a torrid sex-scene?

 

[Thedrin]

The tortoise grew up in an isolated science research center (where the hare also lived), unaware that before he hatched the scientists injected the tortoise's egg with genes from the hare.

 

[W|M]

Or the Christoper Nolan version where Tortoise's toe is hovering near the finish line and it cuts to a black screen.

Tolan has made a much better version, where the race was all a dream to get the grasshopper to work with the ant!

 

[TheMulattoMaker]

I heard Tarantino's making a version where the tortoise cuts off one of the hare's ears.

 

[Lord Baal]

I heard Tarantino's making a version where the tortoise cuts off one of the hare's ears.

And speaks in a thick, Tennesseean accent.

 

[CivCube]

Or the Robert Zemeckis one where the Hare is played by Tom Cruise and has father issues.

Or the Ingmar Bergman one where the Tortoise represents death.

 

[Optical]

Or the Peter Jackson one where the tortoise saves the world, but has to leave it behind afterwards.

 

[TheMulattoMaker]

Kevin Smith wanted to give it a shot, but the studio wouldn't approve the rated-R version where the hare is screaming at the tortoise about the number 37.

 

[_random_]

Of course, you can't forget the Stanely Kubrick version, which was very meticulously crafted and universally acclaimed as a masterpiece, even though the ending didn't make any sense.

 

[TheMulattoMaker]

Of course, you can't forget the Stanely Kubrick version, which was very meticulously crafted and universally acclaimed as a masterpiece, even though the ending didn't make any sense.

I heard Kubrick made the hare redo the "I lost to the tortoise?!?" take over a hundred times.

 

[Nuka-sama]

Or the Oliver Stone one where the FBI shot the Hare right as it was about to win the race

 

[TheMulattoMaker]

Or the Oliver Stone one where the FBI shot the Hare right as it was about to win the race

If you watch this footage from the end of the race... back, and to the left... back, and to the left... back, and to the left...

 

[Lord Baal]

Or the Goerge Lucas version which added new characters for merchandising purposes, even though they made no sense in the context of the story.