Tortoise scare in downtown Uganda

[Kyriakos]

-What do you think should be done with killer tortoises?

A policeman in Uganda has reportedly shot a tortoise dead, maintaining the reptile attacked him at his home.

The incident, which has left Officer Charles Onegiu “traumatised and stressed”, occurred in the Nebbi district in the north of the country.
Onegiu claims he was relaxing in his home after work when the hard-shelled assailant made his move.
“I tried to scare it but the tortoise became very aggressive. I took a stick to chase it but it instead became more violent making me to make alarm,” he told New Vision newspaper.
After threatening the creature with a plastic chair, the tortoise left the policeman’s home. It was then that Officer Onegiu “instinctively” pulled his firearm on the “big white tortoise”.
“As I talk now, I am still scared because it is the first time I have seen such an incident happen in my life or heard of one,” he told New Vision.
A local Christian group later prayed for Onegiu, "before burning the dead reptile to ashes," the paper reported.

http://www.independent.ie/world-news...-30419096.html

http://www.independent.ie/world-new...shoots-aggressive-tortoise-dead-30419096.html



You likely cannot tell from the pic, but the tortoise actually has the size of an apartment-building. Achilles could not reach it in time due to Eleatic paradoxes at work.

 

[Formaldehyde]

He should have claimed the tortoise tried to rape him, and he was much faster than the cop. That would have been a bit more plausible.

 

[Kyriakos]

Well they are surely slow, but due to the size it would have been very difficult to actually move it if it did not tend to leave by itself

Not sure what sort of teeth a tortoise has. Can it inflict damage to a human?

 

[warpus]

Was the tortoise wearing a hoodie?

 

[JollyRoger]

Was the tortoise Israeli or Palestinian?

 

[Terxpahseyton]

It probably wore a blindfold in a primary color.

 

[JollyRoger]

The guy was shell shocked.

 

[Kyriakos]

Maybe it carried T(M)NT.

(sorry :\ ).

 

[Terxpahseyton]

You should be.

 

[Formaldehyde]

Obligatory South Park reference.

 

[Kyriakos]

Sorry again

But Krang is great.

 

[MagisterCultuum]

Not sure what sort of teeth a tortoise has. Can it inflict damage to a human?

They don't have any teeth. They have beaks similar to those of birds. Some types have serrated beaks.

Most tortoises are pretty harmless to us. Before bearing down hard enough to do any damage, they tend to probe things with a so bite that wouldn't even scratch the skin. Some kinds of tortoises are more dangerous though, and may bite off a finger or something if threatened.

 

[Kyriakos]

^Even 100-year old tortoises can maim humans. Good job Epimetheus

 

[Formaldehyde]

An adult snapping turtle can do a lot more damage than just take off a finger. There are reports they have even taken feet "clean off".


Link to video.


Link to video.

 

[cybrxkhan]

So if I take this story to be true, I guess that tortoise was chompin' down pretty hard on that policeman? Couldn't he just run away or something?

 

[Formaldehyde]

The story doesn't mention that the cop was bitten, just that the turtle was coming right for him.

 

[cybrxkhan]

The story doesn't mention that the cop was bitten, just that the turtle was coming right for him.

I was reasoning that there was biting, enough to elicit the cop's actions, and the story didn't mention it for some reason. Otherwise I suppose that cop was being silly.

 

[Terxpahseyton]

the turtle was coming right for him

That already sounds funny.

 

[bhavv]

I'm getting scared of feeding the grey squirrel that visits my backyard. One day its pouring with rain and I'm just snacking in the kitchen. The squirrel runs right up to the kitchens glass door, presses against it as though its trying to break it and stares at me with a gaze of death. Now I must shoot it for it wants to kill me.

...

Or it just wanted food, maybe shelter, but no way its allowed inside.

And surprisingly, in the UK its illegal to rescue or help a trapped or dying grey squirrel. Maybe its also illegal to feed them, plz don't tell the cops, I <3 my wild squirrel friend.

 

[Formaldehyde]

My mom used to feed the same squirrel a peanut butter cheese cracker whenever she passed by while playing golf. Before long, the squirrel recognized her golf bag, climbed up it, and retrieved his cheese cracker from the pocket leaving the others there.