What do you want in your armored train?

[amadeus]

Putin’s got one.
I should have one,
I’m better than Putin.

What would yours be?

Amenities:
* high speed internet (a must)
* comfortable reclining seats
* private bathroom and bedroom
* hotel ice maker
* maid service

As for design, interior and exterior I need to think of some ideas and find some pictures. Interior, thinking something with wood. Wood is good.

Exterior, none of those blues or yellows you see on many trains. Those Keith Haring colors? Goodbye! That Goldeneye one wasn’t bad except for the front that made it look like an Easter Island statue.

Armaments? I don’t think I need that many, not like anyone even cares who I am. Maybe they would if I had a private armored train, but it would have to be something that pleases my sense of aesthetics.

 

[Snowygerry]

Belgium is much too small for an armored train, I couldn't take a nap without invading Holland or France

Lille to Roosendaal is 3hrs or so...

 

[Gori the Grey]

FDR had a secret train and tunnel into NYC.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I'd need a train station and tracks before worrying about a train. The tracks were relocated out of town decades ago.

 

[EgonSpengler]

I'm thinking of an art deco design. Modern amenities, of course. wifi, a modern kitchen, a modern infirmary, everything energy-efficient, etc.

• A modern sound system with hidden speakers in every car and compartment.
• The bar car would have a small performance space, for musicians, stage actors, standup comics, and burlesque shows.
• I'd want to have a maintenance crew aboard, in addition to the service staff, and they'd have to be living there for days at a time, at the very least. So good compartments for the staff & crew. Wouldn't need to be as nice as the guest rooms, but they'd have to be nicer than the old bunk-racks of yore.
• I'd also have a designer make some retro-inspired suits & uniforms for the staff & crew, rather than have them wear period-authentic clothes. Modern materials, with comfort and safety in mind, as well as looking good, and gendered and non-gendered designs to choose from, as they please.
• Can you put a swimming pool on a train? Well, maybe a hot tub. And a masseuse. I'm not into the whole mani-pedi thing, myself, but I could have a cosmetologist aboard for the guests who find that sort of pampering relaxing.
• The modern, fully-outfitted kitchen will be staffed on a rotating basis by my favorite Top Chef competitors. The menu is theirs, and I'll eat just about anything, but I would encourage them to be inspired by whichever part of the country we're traveling through.
• A well-outfitted and -stocked bar, too. I'm thinking cocktails, in addition to beer & wine.
• No overt weapons. In hostile areas, such as regions overrun by New York Yankees fans (I'll be making a lot of trips to New York City, so the threat is real), the outer skin can be electrified to repel boarders. Sonic emitters, too. In the event bandits do get inside, designated compartments can be selectively sealed and flooded with a nonlethal gas and "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond.

House & Garden, 10 October 2022 - "The legendary Orient Express train is getting an all-new art deco look"

Spoiler :

Spoiler :

 

[mdl5000]

money:

 

[Plains-Cow]

Another armored train.

 

[El_Machinae]

A couple things. First off, a hot tub. But one with high enough walls so that the jostling of the train doesn't splash out of it. But one that's spiffy, fancy, and nice. I think that might be harder to design than people think, so it's a true work of novel creative effort.
Probably a monkey butler with an engineer hat. He'll get weekends off.
And by golly, a proper snack selection. I don't want to be on my train and thinking "I'm tired of these monkey-feeding snacks on my Monday to Friday train!"

Ooooh, and a lever I can pull that hardens the train to the ground. Like, sliding armored panels than make it into a box of armor. Pistons drive into the ground to stabilize it and seal the armor to the ground itself.
Ooooh, ooooh and a rail gun. Plus, the double-decker question below made me realize that I'd want pop-up railings on the roof so I could go sit up there with a lawn chair and a beach umbrella.

 

[EgonSpengler]

Do train tunnels in the US routinely accommodate double-decker cars? The commuter train that runs near my house has double-decker cars, but that's a specific line. I don't know if those cars can go just anywhere.

 

[Birdjaguar]

Do train tunnels in the US routinely accommodate double-decker cars? The commuter train that runs near my house has double-decker cars, but that's a specific line. I don't know if those cars can go just anywhere.

Amtrak runs double decker cars in the west and they go through tunnels.

I've been on this one many times to LA and Chicago.

Amtrak routes with sleeper cars

An Amtrak sleeper car is a train car that contains restrooms, shower rooms and sleeping accommodations (not coach seats). Only the overnight and long-distance trains have sleeper cars, which contai…

amtrakguide.com

 

[EgonSpengler]

Amtrak runs double decker cars in the west and they go through tunnels.

I've been on this one many times to LA and Chicago.

Amtrak routes with sleeper cars

An Amtrak sleeper car is a train car that contains restrooms, shower rooms and sleeping accommodations (not coach seats). Only the overnight and long-distance trains have sleeper cars, which contai…

amtrakguide.com

View attachment 653910

Okay, so then you could have a double-height car with a basketball court or a movie theater inside, instead of two levels of seats.

 

[Broken_Erika]

Amtrak runs double decker cars in the west and they go through tunnels.

I've been on this one many times to LA and Chicago.

Amtrak routes with sleeper cars

An Amtrak sleeper car is a train car that contains restrooms, shower rooms and sleeping accommodations (not coach seats). Only the overnight and long-distance trains have sleeper cars, which contai…

amtrakguide.com

View attachment 653910

Ontario Go Trains are more interesting looking

 

[warpus]

After having experienced them firsthand, I wouldn't trust Amtrak to make me a sandwich.

My armoured train better be able to fly, in case the enemy is smart enough to screw with the railroad tracks. I'll also need highspeed internet, a hottub, a queen size bed with memory foam, and a lego room.

 

[Ajidica]

Do train tunnels in the US routinely accommodate double-decker cars? The commuter train that runs near my house has double-decker cars, but that's a specific line. I don't know if those cars can go just anywhere.

It depends on the tunnel. I think the tunnels into Washington Union Station were raised to accept double level cars, but I'm pretty sure the tunnels into New York, Philadelphia, and Boston are still too short to accept double level cars. Plus anywhere in the Northeast Corridor between DC and Boston has catenary wires too low to accept double level cars.

Anyhow, my armored train gotta be pulled by a steam engine. Beyond that, I'm happy.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

After having experienced them firsthand, I wouldn't trust Amtrak to make me a sandwich.

My armoured train better be able to fly, in case the enemy is smart enough to screw with the railroad tracks. I'll also need highspeed internet, a hottub, a queen size bed with memory foam, and a lego room.

What, no kitchen that comes with a chef and ingredients for every kind of pho known to exist?

If I had one, it would be equipped with a forcefield to repel snow, ice, trees, mudslides, and floodwater. It would be able to detect wildlife on the tracks and transport them off safely (no, I don't know how, it just would).

There would be an observatory for stargazing.