How'd I miss this thread when it was new? The "Related Threads" feature comes in handy for a change!
This reminds me of the film "
Snowpiercer". The whole film takes place on an armored train, and it's a Bong Joon-Ho film, the same guy who did
Parasite, so it's well-put-together. The armored train in the car is fully self-sustaining, growing its own food, and is designed to remain in perpetual motion around a very lengthy loop.
Which raises the question, how long and how frequently am I going to be on this train? A train with a basketball court sounds fantastic, and I want one if I'm going to be on it forever like in
Snowpiercer, but if I'm only going to be taking it to Philadelphia, it's probably not necessary.
One of my first thoughts was an observation car at the end, to watch the world go by. I like Valka's idea of one-upping that to also be an observatory.
Good food is also important. I've had pretty good food on Polish train cars, and decent elsewhere in Europe, but most trains aren't the Orient Express. But if we're going to the expense of an armored train, we're going to put a proper kitchen in it too. The menu can rotate, but we'll need both main courses and sides, proper wine pairings for dinner, and, when desired, desserts and a small selection of liquors. Likely focusing on Scotch and brandy, the latter for making the official armored car beverage of a Wisconsin old-fashioned.
And a fancy dining car. Those Orient Express pictures look great, I'm always a fan of art deco. Proper wood paneling, moderate evening lighting... the train should be one that passengers will want to ride on again, and not just for the armor.
Definitely comfortable sleeping compartments, and non-bunked ones in the state bedrooms. And adequate seating that the passengers can all move to one side if something really interesting is going on to one side. No one gets misses out on cool fjords or city skylines going by.
If we have an unlimited budget and are going long distances, I want a car with a bowling alley for a unique and memorable recreation experience. We can probably only fit one or two lanes, but the cars are long, so why not? The movement of the train just adds another layer to the traditional challenges. The train reaches a curve right as you throw a potential strike? Well, it might be a gutter ball, but other times it might earn you an extra pin or two.
We'll need a proper library as well. Floor-to-ceiling, vintage hardcover tomes, gilded lettering on some of them, properly organized, with some comfortable reading chairs in comfortable nooks. Depending on the length of the trip we might need more than one library car.
Finally, assuming I'll be using this train on my official duties as President of Ohio, we'll need a conference room, as well as a proper office/study area with a large oak, mahogany, or walnut desk, for both productivity and one-on-one meetings.
Armaments? The main concern is likely to be some Michiganders deciding to renew the Toledo War, or else some hooligans rooting for the wrong team before The Game. The exterior armor alone is likely to be sufficient. Although it might be a good idea to have an extra tender or diesel storage car so we don't have to buy extra provisions while traveling through that state up north, Coach Hayes would not approve of having to buy fuel up there.
