What does it take for me to get into Heaven?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Ziggy Stardust, Aug 16, 2012.

  1. Ziggy Stardust

    Ziggy Stardust New Englander

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    Starting of as an atheist, what are the changes I have to make in my life to make it through the pearly gates?

    Question is asked purely out of interest of the requirements, not because I am looking to be converted or fearful about my afterlife. I am very comfortable about my non-belief thank you very much. But lets pretend that I am willing to convert. I'll be looking for the changes in my attitude, my morality and my day to day activities.

    I'll be also not taking anyone's word for granted nor am I looking for ambiguity. Please be specific and motivate your answer.

    Cheers.
     
  2. ParkCungHee

    ParkCungHee Deity

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    You're getting there anyway, possibly already there, depending on your perception of time.
     
  3. rugbyLEAGUEfan

    rugbyLEAGUEfan Deity

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    Expressed in poker terms given the number of what I would consider "mainstream religions", I'd say somewhere around a straight, maybe a flush.
     
  4. classical_hero

    classical_hero In whom I trust

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    Acts 16:31 Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved.

    Pretty simple.
     
  5. rugbyLEAGUEfan

    rugbyLEAGUEfan Deity

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    Pretty or overly?
     
  6. holy king

    holy king Deity

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    being dirt poor seems to help. holding onto your silly worldly possessions seems to be hindering. that's the general gist of it.
     
  7. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Super Moderator

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    Simply acknowledging that God is your heavenly Father and wishing to join into eternal union with God after death is sufficient to enter "heaven".
     
  8. ParkCungHee

    ParkCungHee Deity

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    Define "God" and "Heavenly Father."

    Spoiler :
    We need Traitorfish tags
     
  9. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Super Moderator

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    Heh. :)
     
  10. Quackers

    Quackers The Frog

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    It's going to take a lot for you to get into heaven at this point Ziggy. I think you should just try and feel positive about a nice roasting climate and sado masochistic activities in the other place.
     
  11. Borachio

    Borachio Way past lunacy

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    IIRC it was: sell all your possessions, give to the poor, set off without a coat or stick - and abandon family and friends.

    A tough ask.

    Depends though whether you want to see the "kingdom of heaven" before or after you die. Possibly.
     
  12. AlpsStranger

    AlpsStranger Jump jump on the tiger!

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    Nothing you can do would let you go to heaven.

    Before the beginning of time God decided that about 4% of the people he was about to create were going to heaven. He created everyone else specifically to torture them forever, sort of a cosmic prank.

    There's nothing you can do to save yourself if you aren't in the book of life. You're basically being given just a taste of the good life so that the torture really sticks once you are in the lake of fire.

    It's also a great way to amuse the elect.

    The good news is that you'll have plenty of company in hell. At least 60% of the people who call themselves Christians will be there.

    A few other people I am sure will be there:

    Mark Twain
    Albert Einstein
    Anne Frank
    Every Pope who ever lived
    Mitt Romney
    Matt Stone and Trey Parker
    Douglas Adams
    Orson Scott Card
    Thomas Paine
    Thomas Jefferson
    Fred Phelps (Just kidding, he'll be in heaven :))
     
  13. Leoreth

    Leoreth Friend Next Door Moderator

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    I wonder why we have all the other sentences in the bible.
     
  14. Dreadnought

    Dreadnought Deity

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    Anne Frank? Christian?

    :lol: :confused:
     
  15. AlpsStranger

    AlpsStranger Jump jump on the tiger!

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    Uh, no, that's not what I was saying.

    I edited my post for clarity :)
     
  16. strijder20

    strijder20 Wallowing in irony

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    Taking that literally, I'm going to heaven because I believe Jesus existed, while I'm an atheist :huh:

    Where did you read that we are talking about the christian heaven? Actually, Ziggy should have specified that in his first post.
     
  17. Arakhor

    Arakhor Dremora Courtier Super Moderator

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    All Jews will be in hell if you talk to Evangelicals, because they have not been saved.
     
  18. Leoreth

    Leoreth Friend Next Door Moderator

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    It's the Evangelicals own damn fault. Mormons may be heretics too, but at least they try to retroactively convert Jews to the religion they think is right.
     
  19. ParkCungHee

    ParkCungHee Deity

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    I do have to wonder why you've elected to subscribe to such an unappealing and biblically suspect school of Christian Thought?
    Also, out of all the people you could have picked, I'm supposed to feel bad that Thomas Jefferson is in hell?
     
  20. Ziggy Stardust

    Ziggy Stardust New Englander

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    In that case, explain the reason for differences in different denominations of for instance Christianity. Are they not an essential part of being saved and being able to enter Heaven?

    Besides that, I was told that I also needed to believe JC died and was resurrected and became a part of the holy trinity. That was a very important I was told. More important than treating others the way you want them to treat you.

    Also I asked for specifics and no ambiguity. "changes in my attitude, my morality and my day to day activities".
     

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