When you guys/gals know she/he is the one ??

[Ramius75]

Dear CiVOT Love Guru,


This is for this who are married, attached or anyone in a serious relationship before.

For those who believe in monogamy and solely one to one relationship. How do you make up your mind ?? How do you decided to give up the "rest of the forest" and focus on one tree ?? Is it a very terrible thing to do ??

There are so many girls/guys out there. And if you cant find the perfect one. do you compromise ?? Or should one just settle for the next one that comes along ?? Or settle for second best etc etc...

What about multiple dating ? Or having mistress ?? Or .... <insert any bright idea here>

- Confused Soul


p/s: Im posting this for somebody else, serious.

 

[ComradeDavo]

You just know....but at the same time you can never be certain because circumstances change. Go with the flow, see what happens, see what makes you both happy.

 

[GenMarshall]

I dont know.

 

[Pasi Nurminen]

You don't. There's no such thing as "the one." There are probably at least hundreds of people in the world sufficiently compatible with you who could provide a happy and long lasting relationship/marriage. The idea that there's only one such person out of 6.5+ billion is absurd.

 

[Firstlady]

I wouldn't know. I'm only seventeen.

I would assume, though, that one would just...know. The thought of spending the rest of your life with this person would just feel so....right. The person would "complete" you.

Again, this is coming from a girl who knows nothing concerning marriage. Just a hopeless romantic of sorts.

 

[StarWorms]

You can just tell - I know it's such a cliche, but it's true. You'd do anything for them and want to be with them for your whole life. They should mean more to you than your own life.

 

[puglover]

You don't. There's no such thing as "the one." There are probably at least hundreds of people in the world sufficiently compatible with you who could provide a happy and long lasting relationship/marriage. The idea that there's only one such person out of 6.5+ billion is absurd.

We have a winner!

The One, like love at first sight, is largely myth and sentiment. Don't try to find "the One," try to find someone you could imagine spending your entire life with. However, I am not in a relationship, and I'm just about 16, so don't mistake me for some authority on this.

 

[Japanrocks12]

agree with a lot of other posters here

In my experience, there is no "one". I guess you can concentrate on one person and have it develop to the point when they are the only person that satisfies you, but I disagree with the notion that from the outset there's only one person that can be trusted to complete your life.

 

[Leonel]

Usually birds will suddenly appear or if it's night time stars will twinkly brighter than usual.

 

[Cheezy the Wiz]

Dear CiVOT Love Guru,


This is for this who are married, attached or anyone in a serious relationship before.

For those who believe in monogamy and solely one to one relationship. How do you make up your mind ?? How do you decided to give up the "rest of the forest" and focus on one tree ?? Is it a very terrible thing to do ??

It might seem so when you're not at that point, but I assure you, when you reach that point, it just doesn't make sense to you to spend your life with anyone else. It's not because you have to because that's the only one for you, it's because you want to.

There are so many girls/guys out there. And if you cant find the perfect one. do you compromise ?? Or should one just settle for the next one that comes along ?? Or settle for second best etc etc...

You don't settle. It might take longer than seems normal to find "the one," but it will be infinitely better to wait than to "settle" for someone with whom you don't really want to be.

What about multiple dating ? Or having mistress ?? Or .... <insert any bright idea here>

Honesty is the best policy, no matter what you decide to do. In my opinion, one mate is the right/only way to do it, but I understand not everyone sails under the same flag; just be sure to be upfront and honest with your mate(s), and it'll be cool.

- Confused Soul


p/s: Im posting this for somebody else, serious.

Right.

 

[ComradeDavo]

You don't. There's no such thing as "the one." There are probably at least hundreds of people in the world sufficiently compatible with you who could provide a happy and long lasting relationship/marriage. The idea that there's only one such person out of 6.5+ billion is absurd.

I think it's more knowing that you've got something that will last and that you will stay happy with. Aka having several relationships and then realising the one you are 'is the one' that will last.

 

[Aramazd]

You don't. There's no such thing as "the one." There are probably at least hundreds of people in the world sufficiently compatible with you who could provide a happy and long lasting relationship/marriage. The idea that there's only one such person out of 6.5+ billion is absurd.

Exactly what I was thinking.

 

[Perfection]

When Morpheus says so.

 

[Synobun]

You know when it happens. It's impossible to know at first, "She/He is the one."

I think i've found "the one", but you never know what can happen. Best to just (as some members said) go with the flow and see what unfolds.

 

[Masquerouge]

Dear CiVOT Love Guru,


This is for this who are married, attached or anyone in a serious relationship before.

For those who believe in monogamy and solely one to one relationship. How do you make up your mind ?? How do you decided to give up the "rest of the forest" and focus on one tree ?? Is it a very terrible thing to do ??

First I want to make it very clear that what follows is my personal answer and YMMV.

For me I did not know she was the one. I did not have flying cupids roaming the skies pointing at her. I just knew I was happy to be with her, and we shared some good times when we were together. So we decided to share more time together and that went well too, and after a while we decided to live together and that worked really well too.
As you can see, it was a step-by-step process. We did not kid ourselves about being the other's Chosen One, we took it slowly and saw how things worked out before strengthening the ties. We never saw it as "giving up the rest of the forest", I believe we were both looking for a committed relationship.

So no sudden making up your mind as you can see. Just acknowledging that you feel good with someone.

There are so many girls/guys out there. And if you cant find the perfect one. do you compromise ?? Or should one just settle for the next one that comes along ?? Or settle for second best etc etc...

Of course you'll have to compromise. But early enough you should be able to tell if that compromise is worth it. If you feel the price is too high, discuss it. Never accept a compromise you're not comfortable with hoping things will get better, because what will likely happen is that you'll build resentment and frustration and that will ruin your relationship.

Also, there will NOT be a perfect one. That's a delusion. You're not perfect, why should she be? It's just a matter of how good you'll feel with her. If you feel you can not be yourself when you're with her, that's a bad sign. Do not pretend of make promises you don't intend to keep just because you want the relationship to last longer. Better move on, and fast, than have something slowly rot.

What about multiple dating ? Or having mistress ?? Or .... <insert any bright idea here>

- Confused Soul

That's entirely up to you. If you don't want to commit, that's perfectly fine, remember to be very clear about that when you date someone though. Better to be honest and not make false promises than lull someone into a relationship through lies... And thus the mistress is not a good thing, unless your partner is aware of the situation and agrees to it. But seriously, if you're in a relationship and you have a mistress that you're hiding from your partner, why on Earth are you staying in that relationship? Obviously things are not doing well.

Again, I can not stress this enough: DO NOT STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP IF IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. Unhappiness is not mandatory.
And the corollary: DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE UNLESS YOU'RE PRETTY DAMN SURE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. Marriage is not mandatory.

 

[Neonanocyborgasm]

Dear CiVOT Love Guru,


This is for this who are married, attached or anyone in a serious relationship before.

For those who believe in monogamy and solely one to one relationship. How do you make up your mind ?? How do you decided to give up the "rest of the forest" and focus on one tree ?? Is it a very terrible thing to do ??

There are so many girls/guys out there. And if you cant find the perfect one. do you compromise ?? Or should one just settle for the next one that comes along ?? Or settle for second best etc etc...

What about multiple dating ? Or having mistress ?? Or .... <insert any bright idea here>

- Confused Soul


p/s: Im posting this for somebody else, serious.

I've been married once, have had many relationships, and have been in love many times. Despite all efforts, there is no way to know who you're getting, and no way to know for certain who is "The One." Most of the time, you just use intuition and "gut feeling", rather than reason, to make up your mind in these cases anyway, so that is bound to be error prone.

You're better off just doing your own thing and if the girl you're with wants to tag along, she's welcome.

 

[Kozmos]

I have decided that I will know for sure she is the one when she beats me in hand-to-hand combat. Since the odds of that happening are below zero I will have to consult my other self for his opinion and we will have to reach a consensus.

 

[raen]

For those who believe in monogamy and solely one to one relationship. How do you make up your mind ?? How do you decided to give up the "rest of the forest" and focus on one tree ?? Is it a very terrible thing to do ??

No need to make my mind, I believe that to share live with your loved one, being the one, is just what I need and makes me happy. Others in forest as you say dont interest me at all, even is was the most beautiful woman on earth, in standart definition, I will ignore.

 

[Narz]

I agree with Pasi (surprisingly). There is no "one".

Don't worry about finding the one you love, love the one you're with (after choosing someone carefully who you have good compatability with).

Also, who's to say there has to be just one.

 

[Ramius75]

You just know....but at the same time you can never be certain because circumstances change. Go with the flow, see what happens, see what makes you both happy.

Ya, i think going with the flow should be the best. no need to get too obsess.

You don't. There's no such thing as "the one." There are probably at least hundreds of people in the world sufficiently compatible with you who could provide a happy and long lasting relationship/marriage. The idea that there's only one such person out of 6.5+ billion is absurd.

I too greedy. i dated quite a bit. but somehow, i dunno what to do. The girls all left me after they found that i got problem with committing.
Its like when there are too many choices and i probably dunno what I want. Im paralysis from making choices.

I wouldn't know. I'm only seventeen.

I would assume, though, that one would just...know. The thought of spending the rest of your life with this person would just feel so....right. The person would "complete" you.

Again, this is coming from a girl who knows nothing concerning marriage. Just a hopeless romantic of sorts.

Had to be honest with you thou. I cant tell apart from Love or Lust. I know that i want to spend my life with only the one. but the problem is i dunno which one.

You can just tell - I know it's such a cliche, but it's true. You'd do anything for them and want to be with them for your whole life. They should mean more to you than your own life.

i only had that feeling once thou. but she is married now.

We have a winner!

The One, like love at first sight, is largely myth and sentiment. Don't try to find "the One," try to find someone you could imagine spending your entire life with. However, I am not in a relationship, and I'm just about 16, so don't mistake me for some authority on this.

Not a problem. sometime, i think teenager are less complicated.

agree with a lot of other posters here

In my experience, there is no "one". I guess you can concentrate on one person and have it develop to the point when they are the only person that satisfies you, but I disagree with the notion that from the outset there's only one person that can be trusted to complete your life.

well, i did thought of having multiple relationship. But i think they will be messier...

Usually birds will suddenly appear or if it's night time stars will twinkly brighter than usual.

Hope so.

I think it's more knowing that you've got something that will last and that you will stay happy with. Aka having several relationships and then realising the one you are 'is the one' that will last.

i did tried that... ended up they all left me, coz they know im fliting with someone else too...

You know when it happens. It's impossible to know at first, "She/He is the one."

I think i've found "the one", but you never know what can happen. Best to just (as some members said) go with the flow and see what unfolds.

Great for u !! i think i will just let it be. Come what may.

I've been married once, have had many relationships, and have been in love many times. Despite all efforts, there is no way to know who you're getting, and no way to know for certain who is "The One." Most of the time, you just use intuition and "gut feeling", rather than reason, to make up your mind in these cases anyway, so that is bound to be error prone.

My gut feeling is lust or love, i cant tell them apart and i got problem making up my mind...

You're better off just doing your own thing and if the girl you're with wants to tag along, she's welcome.

I think this might be a solution also. But most of my hobbies are aloof and not social. Most girls wont come to me, unless i seek them out actively. I try not to date working colleagues also...

No need to make my mind, I believe that to share live with your loved one, being the one, is just what I need and makes me happy. Others in forest as you say dont interest me at all, even is was the most beautiful woman on earth, in standart definition, I will ignore.

That great. i hope one day i can find someone also.

I agree with Pasi (surprisingly). There is no "one".

Don't worry about finding the one you love, love the one you're with (after choosing someone carefully who you have good compatability with).

Also, who's to say there has to be just one.

I cant make up my mind about choosing what thou. coz i dunno what i want.

Thanks for all the comment guys !! i appreciate it.