When you guys/gals know she/he is the one ??

[Ramius75]

It might seem so when you're not at that point, but I assure you, when you reach that point, it just doesn't make sense to you to spend your life with anyone else. It's not because you have to because that's the only one for you, it's because you want to.

I think so too... very hard to fall in love thou... coz i already forgotten how to...

You don't settle. It might take longer than seems normal to find "the one," but it will be infinitely better to wait than to "settle" for someone with whom you don't really want to be.

Agreed. im dated a few girls since last year... found that each and everyone of them got their own sets of problem and agendas... i have problem settling down also...

Honesty is the best policy, no matter what you decide to do. In my opinion, one mate is the right/only way to do it, but I understand not everyone sails under the same flag; just be sure to be upfront and honest with your mate(s), and it'll be cool.

Well, i felt that if i want my wife to be faithful, i got to be faithful also... hence i always hesitate to get into a mutually exclusive relationship... coz i cant commit...

Right.

Trying to make it less obvious

 

[Pasi Nurminen]

Committing doesn't involve deciding someone is a person you'd like to marry and spend the rest of your life with. What do you mean you have a problem with committing? Does that mean a girlfriend of yours wanted to get married, but you didn't, so she left you? Does it mean you can't just be with one girl at once, and you always need action on the side?

 

[Ramius75]

First I want to make it very clear that what follows is my personal answer and YMMV.

For me I did not know she was the one. I did not have flying cupids roaming the skies pointing at her. I just knew I was happy to be with her, and we shared some good times when we were together. So we decided to share more time together and that went well too, and after a while we decided to live together and that worked really well too.
As you can see, it was a step-by-step process. We did not kid ourselves about being the other's Chosen One, we took it slowly and saw how things worked out before strengthening the ties. We never saw it as "giving up the rest of the forest", I believe we were both looking for a committed relationship.

So no sudden making up your mind as you can see. Just acknowledging that you feel good with someone.

ya, i think its a great idea also... i dated a few girls and i found that some are actually quite nice but found that still something is lacking...

each and every girls got their strong points and weak points...

Of course you'll have to compromise. But early enough you should be able to tell if that compromise is worth it. If you feel the price is too high, discuss it. Never accept a compromise you're not comfortable with hoping things will get better, because what will likely happen is that you'll build resentment and frustration and that will ruin your relationship.

Also, there will NOT be a perfect one. That's a delusion. You're not perfect, why should she be? It's just a matter of how good you'll feel with her. If you feel you can not be yourself when you're with her, that's a bad sign. Do not pretend of make promises you don't intend to keep just because you want the relationship to last longer. Better move on, and fast, than have something slowly rot.

ya, good advice. i know im not perfect and in fact. i always try to behave less than perfect also. Dont want to give them the impression im trying too hard...
Thou this also cause a few girls to leave me...

That's entirely up to you. If you don't want to commit, that's perfectly fine, remember to be very clear about that when you date someone though. Better to be honest and not make false promises than lull someone into a relationship through lies... And thus the mistress is not a good thing, unless your partner is aware of the situation and agrees to it. But seriously, if you're in a relationship and you have a mistress that you're hiding from your partner, why on Earth are you staying in that relationship? Obviously things are not doing well.

Again, I can not stress this enough: DO NOT STAY IN A RELATIONSHIP IF IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. Unhappiness is not mandatory.
And the corollary: DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE UNLESS YOU'RE PRETTY DAMN SURE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. Marriage is not mandatory.

i know, i want to be sure also.... just find it very hard to make up my mind...

I think the best solution is not to rush into anything at the moment and continue living my life. I figure that if i can live my life well enough, more girls will appear and i will have more choices. Maybe then i might find the suitable one...(agree / disagree ??)

 

[Ramius75]

Committing doesn't involve deciding someone is a person you'd like to marry and spend the rest of your life with. What do you mean you have a problem with committing? Does that mean a girlfriend of yours wanted to get married, but you didn't, so she left you? Does it mean you can't just be with one girl at once, and you always need action on the side?

Its like most of the girls i know want to settle down... they wanted to get married and have kids... but im not the type and i dont want to settle down too early in life.

Im honest to tell them straight that its my plan and somehow, most of them dont like it...

 

[Pasi Nurminen]

Its like most of the girls i know want to settle down... they wanted to get married and have kids... but im not the type and i dont want to settle down too early in life.

Im honest to tell them straight that its my plan and somehow, most of them dont like it...

I'm assuming you're college aged, 23-24, somewhere thereabouts? I don't know what is culturally expected in Singapore, but to want to settle down, marry, and have kids at that age is just absurd here in the West.

If you're just not like that, you shouldn't try to change yourself to match someone else. If a girlfriend wants to get married and you don't, tough for her. At a young age, unless you've been with a girl for many many years, marriage simply shouldn't be in the cards. Keep looking until you find someone that matches your outlook on relationships.

 

[Ramius75]

I'm assuming you're college aged, 23-24, somewhere thereabouts? I don't know what is culturally expected in Singapore, but to want to settle down, marry, and have kids at that age is just absurd here in the West.

If you're just not like that, you shouldn't try to change yourself to match someone else. If a girlfriend wants to get married and you don't, tough for her. At a young age, unless you've been with a girl for many many years, marriage simply shouldn't be in the cards. Keep looking until you find someone that matches your outlook on relationships.

Quite embarrassingly, im already 32 this year. And all the girls i dated are either between 9 years younger or 3 years older than me. i will probably categories myself as a cross of a 60% yuppie, 20% hippie and 20% family guy.

Therefore, most of the girls i know are also around the marriage age and most getting near to the pseudo "expiring" age of 30... and i understand why they wanted to get married and settle down. I myself do feel the pressure at times also... but my ideal age of marriage will be 35 and kids at 40.

 

[Hygro]

We have a winner!

The One, like love at first sight, is largely myth and sentiment. Don't try to find "the One," try to find someone you could imagine spending your entire life with. However, I am not in a relationship, and I'm just about 16, so don't mistake me for some authority on this.

But you're a spiffy combination of wise and intellectual, so your judgement is pretty good.

 

[plarq]

Quite embarrassingly, im already 32 this year. And all the girls i dated are either between 9 years younger or 3 years older than me. i will probably categories myself as a cross of a 60% yuppie, 20% hippie and 20% family guy.

Therefore, most of the girls i know are also around the marriage age and most getting near to the pseudo "expiring" age of 30... and i understand why they wanted to get married and settle down. I myself do feel the pressure at times also... but my ideal age of marriage will be 35 and kids at 40.

Your delaying is not needed. Settle down, family guy.

In fact, I haven't found anyone, and I don't believe there's "the one", just the "current one". "The One" doesn't exist.

 

[Ramius75]

Your delaying is not needed. Settle down, family guy.

In fact, I haven't found anyone, and I don't believe there's "the one", just the "current one". "The One" doesn't exist.

im the type that dunno what i wanted also. very confused person here.

 

[Masquerouge]

i know, i want to be sure also.... just find it very hard to make up my mind...

I think the best solution is not to rush into anything at the moment and continue living my life. I figure that if i can live my life well enough, more girls will appear and i will have more choices. Maybe then i might find the suitable one...(agree / disagree ??)

The best solution is to do whatever makes you happy... provided, of course, you do not lie to girls to get them If you don't want to commit, then don't!

 

[Hygro]

kids at 40?

You need lots of energy to raise kids.

 

[Bamspeedy]

You don't settle. It might take longer than seems normal to find "the one," but it will be infinitely better to wait than to "settle" for someone with whom you don't really want to be.

Well, that depends on the definition of 'settling'. Some people have unrealistic expectations of 'the one'. No, someone should not 'settle' for someone who doesn't make them happy, doesn't treat them well, etc., but if they are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect that doesn't have any flaws at all and is supermodel, or super Romeo....They will be waiting for a very, very long time to find them and will probably end up being alone.

 

[Ramius75]

The best solution is to do whatever makes you happy... provided, of course, you do not lie to girls to get them If you don't want to commit, then don't!

i never lie to them (in a sinister way) im also often straight in telling them im dating another woman, etc etc. I dont date simultaneously also...

kids at 40?

You need lots of energy to raise kids.

i think it should be ok, i expect life expectancy to be longer in the future, so never want to settle down with kids so early in life.

Well, that depends on the definition of 'settling'. Some people have unrealistic expectations of 'the one'. No, someone should not 'settle' for someone who doesn't make them happy, doesn't treat them well, etc., but if they are waiting for Mr. or Mrs. Perfect that doesn't have any flaws at all and is supermodel, or super Romeo....They will be waiting for a very, very long time to find them and will probably end up being alone.

Or until they decided to lower down their expectation.

 

[Gr3yL3gion]

When you guys/gals know she/he is the one ??

When she hurts you in a lot of ways.

 

[Ramius75]

When she hurts you in a lot of ways.

ya, there is this 1 girl that hurts me alot. but im still infatuated with her... mainly her body and i like her intelligent... i could have settle with other girls, but not sure why im so obsess with her.

 

[Narz]

When she hurts you in a lot of ways.

Sounds like you have a punishment complex.

 

[Gr3yL3gion]

Sounds like you have a punishment complex.

Maybe I have . Even though I'm meeting lots of people now, those that I have "feelings" are the ones that betrayed\lied to me in the past.