Why do we so often to lose something b4 we appreciate it?

[Narz]

Something that happened earlier today triggered an idea for this thread.

Just wondering what it is about humans that this is so often true.

Feel free to hit at it from a evolutionary, psychological, philosophical and/or spiritual angle.

Obviously it is possible to truly, deeply appreciate something wonderful while it is right in front of you (and I've gotten better at it in my ld age ) but, still, for many (& for myself in many situations) it still takes a loss to make you step back & really consider what you had.

Thoughts?

Cheers,
Narz

 

[MobBoss]

Because we never see change coming or very rarely anticipate it.

 

[Miles Teg]

Human instinct is to take the current situation as a given unless explicitly stated otherwise, and concentrate mentally on other problems.

 

[Communisto]

Cause if we appreciated everything before we lost it, no one would be able to write any sick slow jamz once their girl leaves them (and she will).

 

[pop daddy]

I am going to disagree slightly with the two previous posts, because I dislike discussions of human "nature" and the "normal," but personally, I believe part of loss is continuing to enjoy the past. I think it's easy to forget that in order to have lost something, we had to have some sort of ownership in the first place, this tells us two things:

First, we probably were enjoying whatever we had in the first place: a relationship, relaxing moment, etc. If we have that feeling of "regret" or that we "missed out" it's probably because we didn't! Think about it, we must have known what we missed, simply because we actually did enjoy it in our own way when it was right in front of us!

Second, there's nothing wrong with continuing enjoyment when something has left us. Memories can serve us well and we will never be able to move on from something or someone special unless we properly mourn its loss.

Overall, though, I think it's simply important to reflect on losses and past relationships, so we can learn how to better enjoy the present and future. The past is an integral part of our lives, as much as we don't want to believe it.

 

[MobBoss]

So what did you lose Narz?

Tell me your sad story and I will tell you one in turn.

 

[Narz]

So what did you lose Narz?

Tell me your sad story and I will tell you one in turn.

My story has a happy ending actually. Just thought I lost a suitcase but it turned up. I did actually lose some other things else recently too but the suitcase thing was what inspired this thread.

Your turn.

 

[Gogf]

Because it's easy to get accustomed to something.

Also, Narz, could you PLEASE use only real words? I can't tell you how irritating it is to see things like "b4" and ampersands throughout your posts .

 

[Narz]

Also, Narz, could you PLEASE use only real words? I can't tell you how irritating it is to see things like "b4" and ampersands throughout your posts .

No way dude, I'm not getting carpal tunnel for you.

And what's so irritating about ampersands? They're great.

You need to raise your frustration tolerance. IMO.

 

[Gogf]

You're not gonna get carpel tunnel from hitting one extra key .

I dunno why I don't like them. It's prolly because they break up the continuity of the most so they make reading it harder, I guess.

 

[pop daddy]

You're not gonna get carpel tunnel from hitting one extra key .

I dunno why I don't like them. It's prolly because they break up the continuity of the most so they make reading it harder, I guess.

And you look like a 13-year-old girl.

 

[Bigfoot3814]

Because it's way easier to want things than it is to have them.

 

[MobBoss]

My story has a happy ending actually. Just thought I lost a suitcase but it turned up. I did actually lose some other things else recently too but the suitcase thing was what inspired this thread.

Your turn.

Found out yesterday that a lump on our family dog wasnt an abcess but may be cancer instead. Wont find out till Saturday when the labs come back. May end up having to put him down.

My wife was crying about it last night, and mind you, this was the same dog she wanted to take to the pound because he messed the carpet....so thats how it fits into your thread.

 

[Ecofarm]

I was going to say that we don't appreciate things in this world of shiny beads and TV, but this is correct:

Because we never see change coming or very rarely anticipate it.

 

[LucyDuke]

People weight losses a lot more than they weight gains. Even if the loss equals the gain, it's perceived as greater than the gain.

So whatever it is you had, you think it's a lot greater after you lose it than you did when you first got it.

 

[Narz]

So whatever it is you had, you think it's a lot greater after you lose it than you did when you first got it.

I find that to be true sometimes but not all the time. Actually sometimes I realize how pointless my attachment was after I lose something. Not usually though.

 

[LucyDuke]

I find that to be true sometimes but not all the time. Actually sometimes I realize how pointless my attachment was after I lose something. Not usually though.

Well, yeah, sometimes we think rationally but we usually don't. The loss>gain thing is generally accepted, I think. I was reading about it yesterday, and I can't find the reference but when I will I'll post it.

EDIT:

Loss aversion. "Now, it has been independently shown that people hate to lose something more than they enjoy gaining it.", with an endnote to "Kahneman & Tversky, 1979", and I'm not digging for more details on that one. The book's The Stuff of Thought by Steven Pinker.

 

[Narz]

I've heard it (part of it, it's not the most exciting book in the world) via audiobook.

But yeah, I've heard the theory before & find it generally to be true in my experience also.

One thing to be wary of with statistics though is that there are always some people who buck the odds and are generally pretty good at predicting their own happiness (and thus better able to be able to find it), making the best of situations, etc. etc.

I think it's important to recognize this rather than feeling doomed to respond/react in the same way as the statistical majority.

 

[LucyDuke]

I've heard it (part of it, it's not the most exciting book in the world) via audiobook.

Pinker's? Man I love his books.

But yeah, I've heard the theory before & find it generally to be true in my experience also.

One thing to be wary of with statistics though is that there are always some people who buck the odds and are generally pretty good at predicting their own happiness (and thus better able to be able to find it), making the best of situations, etc. etc.

I think it's important to recognize this rather than feeling doomed to respond/react in the same way as the statistical majority.

You'll never give up on your exceptions, will you, Narz?

I'm sure there are exceptions. I'm just sayin', generally, this particular bias will make us value very highly things that we've lost.

Also there's the plainspoken explanation that we don't realize how much something means until we're forced to go without it, that we just get comfortable with stuff.

It gives a lot of value to fasting and other types of willingly going without.

 

[History_Buff]

You actually start to truly appreciate something whenever the possibility of losing it becomes clear. It has to do with humans being strongly loss averse.