The lamest jokes you can think of....... II

[Arakhor]

Oh dear.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Starbucks isn't that expensive, especially when you compare it to what Victoria Secret charges per cup... especially for a Grande.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

The boiling water on my stove will be mist.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

My wife just opened the car door for me. It would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70 mph...

 

[Uncle Sparky]

I can make apocalypse jokes till the world ends...

 

[Lexicus]

Staying at a Homewood Suites.
Upon returning to the hotel, I said "Homewood, Suite Home."

 

[Uncle Sparky]

You wood, homey.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What’s the difference between a ginger and a brick?

At least the brick gets laid.

...and in most places, it is illegal to throw a brick through a window.

 

[Arakhor]

How do you calculate the weight of one serving of guacamole? You use Avocado's number.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

How many Freudian psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to hold the penis.
... I meant to say ladder. One to hold the ladder...

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt!

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Remember: these two words will open a lot of doors for you!

Spoiler :

Push. Pull.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Did you know that men with beards are far more likely to cheat on their partners than women with beards?

 

[tetley]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
This one doesn't.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

How do mermaids give birth?
Sea-sections.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Cop: Pull over.
Me: No, its a cardigan... but thanks for noticing!

 

[Uncle Sparky]

What is the correct way to address a hippie's wife?
Mississippi.

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Hallowe'en party?
He had no body to dance with...

 

[Uncle Sparky]

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse.

 

[Arakhor]

That one simply isn't funny.