[RFC Synthesis] China: All Under Heaven
- Thread starter Moshe Dayan
- Start date
Moshe Dayan
Da General
i thought rome started with iron working
They do, and they traded it to me for Mathematics.
hoplitejoe
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Taoist Ethiopia 
Moshe Dayan
Da General
Many sources have erroneously reported that the Han dynasty ended in 220AD and dissolved into three separate kingdoms, until it was unified once more after a number of centuries. However, contrary to this misconception, the Han dynasty continued to thrive during the third century and showed no signs of slowing down. The development of new building techniques allowed for the creation of much larger walls that could magically keep invaders out of the empire, even if part of it was outside the walls.
However, the experienced Han Spearmen of the Xibu Spear Regiments proved to be highly adept at defending the useless city of Yinchuan against Barbarian invasions, though some began to secretly question why they were defending such a crappy piece of desert anyway.
In 483AD, tensions finally boiled over in Yinchuan Province, as a drought caused many of the local serfs to rise up and demand to be relocated to a place that was closer to water. The Han nobles who arrived quickly crushed the rebellion, saying, "You want water? We'll give you water! " before carting the angry rebels across the country and dumping them on the island of Taiwan in 486AD.
Finally, in 500AD, the Great Wall of China was completed, instantly teleporting any barbarian hordes in the empire hundreds of miles away by using magical unicorn powers. Additionally, great strides in the art of metal casting were incorporated into the empire starting in 560AD, and had become widely known throughout China by the end of the century.
Tragically, the greatest technological achievement of the Han would prove to be their last. In 620AD, Emperor Xian, the last heir to the Han line was reportedly assassinated in the Imperial Palace by a drunken officer who ordered him to "step away from the bike." As bicycles had not been invented yet, the Emperor was powerless to meet the officer's decree, and was fatally shot with a bow and arrow, bringing an abrupt end to one of China's longest and most progressive dynasties.
Artist's rendition of the drunken murder of Emperor Xian
However, the experienced Han Spearmen of the Xibu Spear Regiments proved to be highly adept at defending the useless city of Yinchuan against Barbarian invasions, though some began to secretly question why they were defending such a crappy piece of desert anyway.
In 483AD, tensions finally boiled over in Yinchuan Province, as a drought caused many of the local serfs to rise up and demand to be relocated to a place that was closer to water. The Han nobles who arrived quickly crushed the rebellion, saying, "You want water? We'll give you water! " before carting the angry rebels across the country and dumping them on the island of Taiwan in 486AD.
Spoiler :
Finally, in 500AD, the Great Wall of China was completed, instantly teleporting any barbarian hordes in the empire hundreds of miles away by using magical unicorn powers. Additionally, great strides in the art of metal casting were incorporated into the empire starting in 560AD, and had become widely known throughout China by the end of the century.
Tragically, the greatest technological achievement of the Han would prove to be their last. In 620AD, Emperor Xian, the last heir to the Han line was reportedly assassinated in the Imperial Palace by a drunken officer who ordered him to "step away from the bike." As bicycles had not been invented yet, the Emperor was powerless to meet the officer's decree, and was fatally shot with a bow and arrow, bringing an abrupt end to one of China's longest and most progressive dynasties.
Artist's rendition of the drunken murder of Emperor Xian
Tomorrow's Dawn
Heroes Never Die
Once again, Nicholas Cage proves to be an excellent plot device in your story.
On a serious note, I see you were able to recreate Lelang Commandery in Corea.
Are you going to contest against Persian claims in Central Asia for when it comes time to recreate Tang Dynasty borders?
On a serious note, I see you were able to recreate Lelang Commandery in Corea.
Are you going to contest against Persian claims in Central Asia for when it comes time to recreate Tang Dynasty borders?
Moshe Dayan
Da General
I don't plan to, because:
- It's crappy land
- It's way outside of China's stability map
- The maintenance will destroy my economy, and
- Half of it will just flip to Mongolia anyway
hoplitejoe
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You going to get Japan?
Moshe Dayan
Da General
SouthernKing
crickety cricket
That is some artist 
Linkman226
#anarchy
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2007
- Messages
- 2,493
Very nice story. Haven't read something this humorous in a long while.
Yoshiegg737
Jungo Jungo
I know, right?That is some artist
Moshe Dayan
Da General
After a power struggle that lasted for months, Li Yuan, the cousin of the deceased emperor of Han, rose to power and declared the Tang Dynasty in 620AD. He immediately turned his attention to the small and insignificant Tibetan Empire to the west, and began preparing a military force to bring it under Chinese influence.
However, before a proper invasion could begin, a new and menacing kingdom began to take shape in the south. Calling themselves the Khmer empire, they were initially very hostile towards foreigners, and resisted all attempts that the Tang leadership made to reach any sort of trade agreements. This lead to increased tensions between both empires, as the Khmers felt threatened by the large empire to the north, and the Tang emperor was jealous that the Khmer emperor had such a cool-sounding name.
More troubling still was the disappearance of the Sassanid Empire, who stopped sending traders to China in the mid-seventh century. No one in the Tang scholarly hierarchy could explain this, and it led to increased levels of tension and paranoia throughout China.
As if this wasn't enough, Tang traders discovered in 740AD that the once powerful Roman Empire had been completely destroyed after falling victim to attacks from the Celts, Vandals, and Hunnic forces from the East. Although China was protected by the magical rainbow unicorn powers of the Great Wall, the Tang leadership was still distraught by this news, as it seemed that China's allies were disappearing into history one after the other.
China is considered to have entered the medieval era with the discovery of new, advanced forms of machinery, that lead to the creation of the first windmills, watermills, and pointlessly elaborate hourglasses.
This discovery marked the beginning of a new era of prosperity for the Tang, as in the following years, trade routes were established between the Tang and several upstart empires in the west, most notably those of Spain and France. The Taoist traders had no problem establishing deals with the European powers, who were both staunchly atheist.
Great strides in military prowess were made in this era as well. The development of new crossbow technology was originally intended to be used to garrison Chinese cities, but when it was discovered that the arrows did massive collateral damage somehow, the Tang generals developed new tactics to take advantage of this. The Cho-Ko-Nu Suicide Brigades were born.
This emboldened the Tang leadership, who approached the hostile Khmer nation with an ultimatum, demanding that they pay tribute to the vastly more powerful Tang Empire as a protectorate of China. It was the refusal of this demand that finally sparked a war between the Tang and the Khmer.
Meanwhile, Tang scholars released their objective, unbiased findings, stating that the Tang Dynasty was the most "cultured" empire in the world.
Until the 9th century AD, the Tang Empire had made no incursions into the Jiaozhi region of Southeastern Asia. However, this changed in 868AD, when several suicide crossbowmen and spear brigades landed on the shores of Hanoi, supported by a large siege force.
The city fell quickly to the superior Chinese forces, and was razed to the ground as a warning to the Khmer of what would become of them should they continue to resist. Despite this, the leadership of the fractured empire refused to meet the Tang's demands, and the war continued.
After the successful assault on Hanoi, the Tang forces retreated to China to regroup before continuing down the coast to attack other Khmer settlements. Remarkably, almost no casualties had been sustained in the initial assault, and military governor Zhu Wen took advantage of this to rebel against the Tang leadership. By 900AD, Zhu Wen's forces had reached Beijing, and had deposed Emperor Ai of Tang. Zhu Wen immediately took the throne for himself while singing Chinese folk songs at the top of his lungs, thereby ushering in the Song dynasty and bringing an end to the once affluent Tang.
Here is a map of East Asia as it appeared in 900AD, immediately before the fall of the Tang:
Spoiler :
However, before a proper invasion could begin, a new and menacing kingdom began to take shape in the south. Calling themselves the Khmer empire, they were initially very hostile towards foreigners, and resisted all attempts that the Tang leadership made to reach any sort of trade agreements. This lead to increased tensions between both empires, as the Khmers felt threatened by the large empire to the north, and the Tang emperor was jealous that the Khmer emperor had such a cool-sounding name.
Spoiler :
More troubling still was the disappearance of the Sassanid Empire, who stopped sending traders to China in the mid-seventh century. No one in the Tang scholarly hierarchy could explain this, and it led to increased levels of tension and paranoia throughout China.
As if this wasn't enough, Tang traders discovered in 740AD that the once powerful Roman Empire had been completely destroyed after falling victim to attacks from the Celts, Vandals, and Hunnic forces from the East. Although China was protected by the magical rainbow unicorn powers of the Great Wall, the Tang leadership was still distraught by this news, as it seemed that China's allies were disappearing into history one after the other.
Spoiler :
China is considered to have entered the medieval era with the discovery of new, advanced forms of machinery, that lead to the creation of the first windmills, watermills, and pointlessly elaborate hourglasses.
This discovery marked the beginning of a new era of prosperity for the Tang, as in the following years, trade routes were established between the Tang and several upstart empires in the west, most notably those of Spain and France. The Taoist traders had no problem establishing deals with the European powers, who were both staunchly atheist.
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
Great strides in military prowess were made in this era as well. The development of new crossbow technology was originally intended to be used to garrison Chinese cities, but when it was discovered that the arrows did massive collateral damage somehow, the Tang generals developed new tactics to take advantage of this. The Cho-Ko-Nu Suicide Brigades were born.
Spoiler :
This emboldened the Tang leadership, who approached the hostile Khmer nation with an ultimatum, demanding that they pay tribute to the vastly more powerful Tang Empire as a protectorate of China. It was the refusal of this demand that finally sparked a war between the Tang and the Khmer.
Meanwhile, Tang scholars released their objective, unbiased findings, stating that the Tang Dynasty was the most "cultured" empire in the world.
Until the 9th century AD, the Tang Empire had made no incursions into the Jiaozhi region of Southeastern Asia. However, this changed in 868AD, when several suicide crossbowmen and spear brigades landed on the shores of Hanoi, supported by a large siege force.
The city fell quickly to the superior Chinese forces, and was razed to the ground as a warning to the Khmer of what would become of them should they continue to resist. Despite this, the leadership of the fractured empire refused to meet the Tang's demands, and the war continued.
After the successful assault on Hanoi, the Tang forces retreated to China to regroup before continuing down the coast to attack other Khmer settlements. Remarkably, almost no casualties had been sustained in the initial assault, and military governor Zhu Wen took advantage of this to rebel against the Tang leadership. By 900AD, Zhu Wen's forces had reached Beijing, and had deposed Emperor Ai of Tang. Zhu Wen immediately took the throne for himself while singing Chinese folk songs at the top of his lungs, thereby ushering in the Song dynasty and bringing an end to the once affluent Tang.
Here is a map of East Asia as it appeared in 900AD, immediately before the fall of the Tang:
Spoiler :
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
This. Story. Is. Awesome.
By all means, continue!
By all means, continue!
hoplitejoe
Top fun-poster
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Thank goodness for magical rainbow unicorns.
thats what i thought, and when i tried, all cities east of Uzbeckistan fliped to him, (like an idiot, i refused) and lost half my elephant army
and i don't now why the smilie's up there either
Moshe Dayan
Da General
As the Song dynasty was established in Beijing in 900AD, a large attack force began to approach Wuzhou. Zhu Wen was unable to send his troops back down to southern China in time to intercept, so the governor of Wuzhou had no choice but to broker a peace with the Khmer leadership. Although the kingdom agreed to pay small amounts of tribute, it was far from what the imperialist general Wen wished for, and even as the peace began, he began preparing armies for a second assault.
However, any hope of peace was shattered when, in what the emperor considered an intolerable display of disloyalty, the Khmer kingdom signed an agreement with Japan, agreeing to pay them vast amounts of tribute in return for total protection and integration into what was now known as the Empire of Japan. The Khmer even began using the Chinese name for the area, Annam, to add insult to injury. Enraged, the Song Emperor yelled that he had been "trolled", and ordered that every Khmer city be raised to the ground, no matter what the cost.
Historians agree that by 1000AD, China's population numbered in the millions, and this allowed the Song military to grow to sizes never before possible.
Additionally, new technological advances allowed the Song to manufacture great siege engines, and apparently allowed for pointier spears for Chinese spearmen somehow.
The Tibetan Empire was significantly smaller and militarily weaker than the Song. Due to the magical rainbow marshmallow fairy powers of the great wall, the Tibetan army hadn't been able to launch any raids on Western China for centuries, and in 1027AD the struggling kingdom gave up its independence and formally came under the Song's protection. However, Emperor Shenzong of Song was not satisfied, and still desired expansion into the Jiaozhi region.
To achieve this, Shenzong ordered general Yue Fei to make landfall just outside of the Khmer capital of Bang Makok with an army far larger than that which had invaded the same kingdom in the Tang era. Legend has it, there were so many siege units involved in the strike, some of them accidentally bombarded the coastal village of Panduranga instead of the capital by accident, even though it was hundreds of miles away.
In early 1047AD the Song forces finally breached the walls of Bangkok and promptly set fire to much of the city proper, establishing the military base Mangu to allow troops to regroup before pushing on to the city of Panduranga, the last Khmer outpost in Jiaozhi.
Meanwhile, the Japanese responded to this act of Chinese aggression by launching a meager attack force onto the Korean peninsula. However, the Japanese troops were no match for the elite Song Cho-Ko-Nus, and were quickly repelled back to Manchuria, but not before accidentally killing one of Shenzong's favorite pet deer in the process.
To avenge the death of his beloved deer, Shenzong ordered all remaining Khmer cities to be destroyed. On his orders, Chinese troops sacked Panduranga and burned the city to the ground.
Meanwhile, the Khmer government, which at this point had fled to the one remaining Khmer city of Pagan, heard the news of the destruction of their last city in Jiaozhi. The Khmer king reportedly started shouting at his advisors upon hearing about Panduranga's destruction, demanding to know "HOW'D IT GET BURNED"!?
Tragically, the king never got an answer, as Song forces knocked on his door before anyone could answer. Dutifully following orders, the Song military burned the city to the ground, and trapped the remaining Khmer officials (who had not fled to Japan) in a giant wicker man, setting it on fire and roasting them alive. Having heard of the utter destruction of their province of Annam, the Japanese government demanded that the Song pay them damages for all of the lives lost as a result of Chinese aggression in the region, which evidently amounted to about 50 gold pieces. After this payment was received, the Japanese government began negotiations for peace with the Song leadership.
In 1084, Confucian Scholars in the Song government informed the emperor that having a source of gold would allow Chinese workers to build the Shwedagon Paya twice as fast. The emperor had no idea what the Shwedagon Paya was, or why he would want to build it, or even how gold would magically halve the amount of time it took to build it. Nevertheless, he trusted his advisors, and forcibly relocated part of Wuzhou's population to the settlement of Mandelei later that year.
By the 12th Century AD, Song traders had contacted several new imperial forces in the west, and had begun trading with them. Islam, a religion that had originated in the Arabian peninsula, had spread like wildfire through Europe, and these great Muslim European Caliphates were initially wary of the Taoist Traders.
However, a new nation to the north was significantly less friendly to the Song. The barbarians to the north, which had been trapped outside the Great Wall for hundreds of years, finally united under the great military commander Genghis Khan. As a result, the Great Wall's magical sugarplum fairy powers would no longer work on them. In what is considered the most ironic declaration of war ever, this new Mongol nation declared war on China in 1189AD, bringing an end to nearly 100 years of peace for the Song Dynasty.
Spoiler :
However, any hope of peace was shattered when, in what the emperor considered an intolerable display of disloyalty, the Khmer kingdom signed an agreement with Japan, agreeing to pay them vast amounts of tribute in return for total protection and integration into what was now known as the Empire of Japan. The Khmer even began using the Chinese name for the area, Annam, to add insult to injury. Enraged, the Song Emperor yelled that he had been "trolled", and ordered that every Khmer city be raised to the ground, no matter what the cost.
Historians agree that by 1000AD, China's population numbered in the millions, and this allowed the Song military to grow to sizes never before possible.
Additionally, new technological advances allowed the Song to manufacture great siege engines, and apparently allowed for pointier spears for Chinese spearmen somehow.
The Tibetan Empire was significantly smaller and militarily weaker than the Song. Due to the magical rainbow marshmallow fairy powers of the great wall, the Tibetan army hadn't been able to launch any raids on Western China for centuries, and in 1027AD the struggling kingdom gave up its independence and formally came under the Song's protection. However, Emperor Shenzong of Song was not satisfied, and still desired expansion into the Jiaozhi region.
Spoiler :
To achieve this, Shenzong ordered general Yue Fei to make landfall just outside of the Khmer capital of Bang Makok with an army far larger than that which had invaded the same kingdom in the Tang era. Legend has it, there were so many siege units involved in the strike, some of them accidentally bombarded the coastal village of Panduranga instead of the capital by accident, even though it was hundreds of miles away.
Spoiler :
In early 1047AD the Song forces finally breached the walls of Bangkok and promptly set fire to much of the city proper, establishing the military base Mangu to allow troops to regroup before pushing on to the city of Panduranga, the last Khmer outpost in Jiaozhi.
Spoiler :
Meanwhile, the Japanese responded to this act of Chinese aggression by launching a meager attack force onto the Korean peninsula. However, the Japanese troops were no match for the elite Song Cho-Ko-Nus, and were quickly repelled back to Manchuria, but not before accidentally killing one of Shenzong's favorite pet deer in the process.
To avenge the death of his beloved deer, Shenzong ordered all remaining Khmer cities to be destroyed. On his orders, Chinese troops sacked Panduranga and burned the city to the ground.
Spoiler :
Meanwhile, the Khmer government, which at this point had fled to the one remaining Khmer city of Pagan, heard the news of the destruction of their last city in Jiaozhi. The Khmer king reportedly started shouting at his advisors upon hearing about Panduranga's destruction, demanding to know "HOW'D IT GET BURNED"!?
Spoiler Artist's rendition of the king's outburst :
Tragically, the king never got an answer, as Song forces knocked on his door before anyone could answer. Dutifully following orders, the Song military burned the city to the ground, and trapped the remaining Khmer officials (who had not fled to Japan) in a giant wicker man, setting it on fire and roasting them alive. Having heard of the utter destruction of their province of Annam, the Japanese government demanded that the Song pay them damages for all of the lives lost as a result of Chinese aggression in the region, which evidently amounted to about 50 gold pieces. After this payment was received, the Japanese government began negotiations for peace with the Song leadership.
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
In 1084, Confucian Scholars in the Song government informed the emperor that having a source of gold would allow Chinese workers to build the Shwedagon Paya twice as fast. The emperor had no idea what the Shwedagon Paya was, or why he would want to build it, or even how gold would magically halve the amount of time it took to build it. Nevertheless, he trusted his advisors, and forcibly relocated part of Wuzhou's population to the settlement of Mandelei later that year.
Spoiler :
By the 12th Century AD, Song traders had contacted several new imperial forces in the west, and had begun trading with them. Islam, a religion that had originated in the Arabian peninsula, had spread like wildfire through Europe, and these great Muslim European Caliphates were initially wary of the Taoist Traders.
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
However, a new nation to the north was significantly less friendly to the Song. The barbarians to the north, which had been trapped outside the Great Wall for hundreds of years, finally united under the great military commander Genghis Khan. As a result, the Great Wall's magical sugarplum fairy powers would no longer work on them. In what is considered the most ironic declaration of war ever, this new Mongol nation declared war on China in 1189AD, bringing an end to nearly 100 years of peace for the Song Dynasty.
Spoiler :
Linkman226
#anarchy
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2007
- Messages
- 2,493
Good post
I'll need to do something about those Islamic Europeans
I'll need to do something about those Islamic Europeans
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
Great update! Lol'd at the 'you thought this was going to be...' bit 
:
strijder20
Wallowing in irony
The Holy Islamic Empire 
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