SamSniped
DJ Goodboye
Good update. Definitely not going to be a City-State type though!
Hourglass Universe
- Thread starter Optical
- Start date
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
Thanks! Yeah, it's definitely different to Six Thousand Fifty. That's the way it's meant to be; I like to have a go at every possible way of writing things.
It's not. Technically, that screenshot hasn't happened yet. We won't be at Turn 1 until the fourth update.
Nice UpdateHard to believe that in a single turn, 1/13 of the time in the world is gone...
It's not. Technically, that screenshot hasn't happened yet. We won't be at Turn 1 until the fourth update.
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
. . . The First B'ak'tun . . .
Ik'
Many-coloured birds scattered as Dustcloud walked along the jungle path, followed by his now extensive family. As predicted, the prophet now wore the appearance of a young boy - yet that never seemed to be a problem dealing with the adults of the tribe who simply listened in awe of him.
They were close now. He could feel it in the marrow of his bones.
For all his appearances, Dustcloud had the instincts and wisdom of an old man, and it showed in his hunches. While Dustcloud had been with the tribe of Maya people, no misfortune had struck them. This had been largely due to the prophet's surreptitious whispers in the ear of the tribe leader, Hunmáaxbinbel*, to take this path, eat those berries, avoid that clearing and so on. For that, despite his and his twelve siblings' - including Hunmáaxbinbel's - seeming immortality and odd manner, he and they were revered as almost gods by the tribe. Dustcloud hadn't told any of them who he was, except for his siblings. Hunac and Ah, his parents, had passed long before.
. . .
It wasn't long before the path began to slope upwards. It had become clear now, to Dustcloud and Hunmáaxbinbel in particular, that this was the place. It had become more than a hunch now, however.
"Hunmáaxbinbel!"
Hunmáaxbinbel looked over at Dustcloud. Dustcloud looked him in the eye, and Hunmáaxbinbel understood instantly. It was important and Hunmáaxbinbel would have to cover for the 'boy'. That was all the chief needed to know.
Dustcloud moved silently off into the jungle. He could hear the sounds of wildlife stirring, his own soft footprints, and...
"Hello."
Dustcloud turned around, and as expected, one of the Becab creator gods was leaning against a tree. Ik', he thought in the privacy of his own mind. I wondered who they'd send down.
"Don't look so shocked. We told you you'd have what you needed."
Ik' handed Dustcloud a wedge, a staff and a rock.
"That's all?"
"In time, young prophet, you'll learn. You've got what you need. Up at the top of that hill is an abundance of stone, perfect for building dwellings. You of all people should be able to work this one out. You're clever."
"I have to build the people homes."
"Yes, of course. Did you think all the hard work would be done for you? Of course not," the god answered before Dustcloud had the chance. "You know what has to happen. You're here to work towards it. Damn it, man, the prophet who's here to bring about the end of the world doesn't get help from gods!"
Dustcloud was about to argue with this point, then rethought the wisdom of arguing with a god. Perhaps not.
"Well, I guess I have to thank you, then. I'd say until next time, but I'm guessing Kan likes a bit of time on solid ground."
Wordlessly, Ik' left. Dustcloud saw no point in pursuing him to question him further. He'd have disappeared. Shaking his head, Dustcloud coninued toward the path, then to the top of the hill where his people were waiting - and so was the beginning of his life's work.
________________________
*Loosely translated as 'the walker'
________________________
Non Canon Intermission
This is an, albeit very basic and concise, English-Mayan list of translations, which is also destined for the front page. I guess a Phoenix Cookie will be in order for the first person to work out what hunmáaxbinbel actually literally means, but expect that delivery to be in about two weeks
Ik'
Many-coloured birds scattered as Dustcloud walked along the jungle path, followed by his now extensive family. As predicted, the prophet now wore the appearance of a young boy - yet that never seemed to be a problem dealing with the adults of the tribe who simply listened in awe of him.
They were close now. He could feel it in the marrow of his bones.
For all his appearances, Dustcloud had the instincts and wisdom of an old man, and it showed in his hunches. While Dustcloud had been with the tribe of Maya people, no misfortune had struck them. This had been largely due to the prophet's surreptitious whispers in the ear of the tribe leader, Hunmáaxbinbel*, to take this path, eat those berries, avoid that clearing and so on. For that, despite his and his twelve siblings' - including Hunmáaxbinbel's - seeming immortality and odd manner, he and they were revered as almost gods by the tribe. Dustcloud hadn't told any of them who he was, except for his siblings. Hunac and Ah, his parents, had passed long before.
. . .
It wasn't long before the path began to slope upwards. It had become clear now, to Dustcloud and Hunmáaxbinbel in particular, that this was the place. It had become more than a hunch now, however.
"Hunmáaxbinbel!"
Hunmáaxbinbel looked over at Dustcloud. Dustcloud looked him in the eye, and Hunmáaxbinbel understood instantly. It was important and Hunmáaxbinbel would have to cover for the 'boy'. That was all the chief needed to know.
Dustcloud moved silently off into the jungle. He could hear the sounds of wildlife stirring, his own soft footprints, and...
"Hello."
Dustcloud turned around, and as expected, one of the Becab creator gods was leaning against a tree. Ik', he thought in the privacy of his own mind. I wondered who they'd send down.
"Don't look so shocked. We told you you'd have what you needed."
Ik' handed Dustcloud a wedge, a staff and a rock.
"That's all?"
"In time, young prophet, you'll learn. You've got what you need. Up at the top of that hill is an abundance of stone, perfect for building dwellings. You of all people should be able to work this one out. You're clever."
"I have to build the people homes."
"Yes, of course. Did you think all the hard work would be done for you? Of course not," the god answered before Dustcloud had the chance. "You know what has to happen. You're here to work towards it. Damn it, man, the prophet who's here to bring about the end of the world doesn't get help from gods!"
Dustcloud was about to argue with this point, then rethought the wisdom of arguing with a god. Perhaps not.
"Well, I guess I have to thank you, then. I'd say until next time, but I'm guessing Kan likes a bit of time on solid ground."
Wordlessly, Ik' left. Dustcloud saw no point in pursuing him to question him further. He'd have disappeared. Shaking his head, Dustcloud coninued toward the path, then to the top of the hill where his people were waiting - and so was the beginning of his life's work.
________________________
*Loosely translated as 'the walker'
________________________
Non Canon Intermission
This is an, albeit very basic and concise, English-Mayan list of translations, which is also destined for the front page. I guess a Phoenix Cookie will be in order for the first person to work out what hunmáaxbinbel actually literally means, but expect that delivery to be in about two weeks
brandon.herren
NorthKorea Waterbottles:)
- Joined
- Jun 7, 2011
- Messages
- 783
Nice Update
As for what hunmáaxbinbel means, I've got nothing
As for what hunmáaxbinbel means, I've got nothing
Spoiler :
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
Try the phrase book I linked to
MaxWar
King
One-who-go-road ?
Ctrl-f FTW!
Ctrl-f FTW!
hoplitejoe
Top fun-poster
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2010
- Messages
- 5,470
Someone has found filters.
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
MaxWar said:
Here's your Phoenix Cookie
, sorry for the late delivery.Now, onwards to the update post!
EDIT:
Now that's dedication.
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
. . . The First B'ak'tun . . .
Kan
That hilltop had been the place. This was where all their destinies had placed them. As an immortal prophet, it wasn't often Dustcloud had a hunch and it was wrong. Well, never, in fact. And this was a definite hunch.
Great boulders lay on top of the hill, scattered everywhere on its slightly rounded top. In the distance, between the mountains, he saw a vast expanse of land to the north. He knew his people would not go there in this age.
Hunmáaxbinbel was out there, organising the construction of the rest of the city. The first building built had become the temple - his temple - and it was there Dustcloud was sitting now, contemplating the future. He didn't know what would happen to Hunmáaxbinbel. His age was over, he felt that instinctively, but what Hunmáaxbinbel would do when he realised this was uncertain, even to him.
At that moment, Hunmáaxbinbel strode in. "The city is completely and utterly finished, brother. What is it that I am to do now?"
The words stuck in his throat. Ugh, the hardest part. The dream is over, at least for you. You will wither, grow old, die. All the things that were denied to you... all the things you fear the most.
"The first B'ak'tun is over. This city is the end of an age, Hunmáaxbinbel. I can't find any way to say it kindly. Immortality is my fate, but it isn't yours. Your growth is now continuing. You're twenty-six now, but you're aging like everyone else. From this point onward. I'm sorry, Hunmáaxbinbel. If it's any comfort, I'm not looking forward to my future either."
Hunmáaxbinbel smiled wanly. "Then the only way I can go is forward. I suppose another of our brothers will rise to lead the tribe. There are things I can do now, Dustcloud, things I couldn't do before. This is life, and I'm proud and grateful to be living it, even if only for the next fifty years."
"And I wish you luck." And happiness with that young lady of yours. Dustcloud chuckled inwardly. "Besides, Hunmáax, we aren't a tribe any more. We are a nation."
Kan
That hilltop had been the place. This was where all their destinies had placed them. As an immortal prophet, it wasn't often Dustcloud had a hunch and it was wrong. Well, never, in fact. And this was a definite hunch.
Great boulders lay on top of the hill, scattered everywhere on its slightly rounded top. In the distance, between the mountains, he saw a vast expanse of land to the north. He knew his people would not go there in this age.
Hunmáaxbinbel was out there, organising the construction of the rest of the city. The first building built had become the temple - his temple - and it was there Dustcloud was sitting now, contemplating the future. He didn't know what would happen to Hunmáaxbinbel. His age was over, he felt that instinctively, but what Hunmáaxbinbel would do when he realised this was uncertain, even to him.
At that moment, Hunmáaxbinbel strode in. "The city is completely and utterly finished, brother. What is it that I am to do now?"
The words stuck in his throat. Ugh, the hardest part. The dream is over, at least for you. You will wither, grow old, die. All the things that were denied to you... all the things you fear the most.
"The first B'ak'tun is over. This city is the end of an age, Hunmáaxbinbel. I can't find any way to say it kindly. Immortality is my fate, but it isn't yours. Your growth is now continuing. You're twenty-six now, but you're aging like everyone else. From this point onward. I'm sorry, Hunmáaxbinbel. If it's any comfort, I'm not looking forward to my future either."
Hunmáaxbinbel smiled wanly. "Then the only way I can go is forward. I suppose another of our brothers will rise to lead the tribe. There are things I can do now, Dustcloud, things I couldn't do before. This is life, and I'm proud and grateful to be living it, even if only for the next fifty years."
"And I wish you luck." And happiness with that young lady of yours. Dustcloud chuckled inwardly. "Besides, Hunmáax, we aren't a tribe any more. We are a nation."
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2010
- Messages
- 8,873
AWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH!
Awesome update.
Awesome update.
MaxWar
King
Yes that is definitely good writing there, Keep it up Olaf! You have less than one year to finish this story
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
Thanks guys! 
Alexius08
Emperor
- Joined
- May 28, 2010
- Messages
- 1,185
Yes that is definitely good writing there, Keep it up Olaf! You have less than one year to finish this story
11 months, if you want to be precise.
brandon.herren
NorthKorea Waterbottles:)
- Joined
- Jun 7, 2011
- Messages
- 783
That was great! Reminds me of Princes of the Universe, which I spent like 3 hours reading the other day Great Job!
Great Job!
Optical
The Fall of the Eleventh
^ Approved for being related. Link to be added to front page. 
Akbarthegreat
Angel of Junil
At first, I was reluctant to click that vid link, as I've seen so many damn vids showing why the world will end, and blah blah blah. But it turned out to be good
Oh, that and subbed.
Oh, that and subbed.
