Rambuchan
The Funky President
I make one little kind and congratulatory gesture and it all goes strangely wrong, in so many ways. I'm still wondering why and Im still grappling with some of the questions that have arisen from doing so.
[This is a long post and I accept many are too lazy to read the little account that follows. If you're a lazy one, then jump down and chew on some of the questions in bold blue. But they won't mean as much if you don't take in what led to the questions being asked.]
The Occasion
On Friday night I went round to see some old friends of mine for dinner at their new house. After a long and torturous house hunting process, they finally secured a lovely little cottage in the Cambridgeshire countryside; one with space enough for them, their two kids and the third that's on its way. This was to be the first visit by any of their friends to the new place and I wasn't going to go empty handed. Gifts were in order.
The People
Now, I should describe these people a bit before I explain the gifts and what happened on presenting them. One cannot do so without using the word 'bohemian' at some point, so I may as well get it out the way. Their old house was a cutesy cottage with an overgrown fairytale garden. With brightly coloured window frames and all manner of bells, wind chimes, carved wooden figures, paintings, postcards, clippings and other bric-a-brac knocking about, the cottage would not have been out of place in a Brothers Grimm tale. In fact, Hansel and Gretel comes to mind and Ive often referenced it when talking of their old place. The lady of the house is a friend of mine for some 10 years plus now. I did art A level with her and weve remained good friends ever since. She still makes her living from painting, when she isnt running around after her two little boys and rubbing the belly which is quietly nurturing the third. To call her artsy fartsy would be a gross understatement. Its in her job description ffs.
Her husband is of much the same outlook and temperament, but he has no professional get out clause for being a bearded, long haired, sandal wearing (often with socks), hippy bastard. Hes an electronics and carpentry teacher. Anyway, despite these seemingly derogatory remarks, I love these guys dearly. We meet often and have much in common, including a healthy disregard for social airs and graces, which is what this thread is all about and what makes this episode so strange.
The Gift
So Im thinking, what would be a good gift for such folk? They have little kids, theyve just moved to a new house, they like their garden and theyre inclined to the fairytale existence. I went to a nearby garden centre to see what I could find.
After much browsing around, I walked into a new section and the gift was there, staring me in the face. You must have had similar moments yourself. You walk into a space and lay eyes on the potential gift and you fall in love with it instantly, knowing it is the perfect choice and that opting for anything else would be a fallacy. Such was my experience in that garden centre when I saw a shelf stacked with these charming little garden gnomes. These were beautifully painted, full of character and in quite amiable poses. I bought three. The first was sitting on a tree stump and reading a book, his round rimmed glasses propped on his tubby little nose. The second was pushing a little wheelbarrow and apparently whistling as he worked. The last was my favourite. He was snoozing away in some kind of bower, blissfully unaware of all the gnome work that needed to be done. I paid for them, boxed them up and jumped in my car, eager to see the reaction from my friends and especially their little kids.
The Giving
Upon arriving at their new cottage I was delighted to find that the kids were still up. I placed the box on the table, like some kind of conjurer, and slowly revealed the pointy red hat of one of the gnomes, urging them to guess what it might be. Well they guessed pretty quick. What the $%&@?! Its a garden gnome! said my friend the artist. She didnt say it with excitement, joy or pleasant surprise. Oh no. This was a disgusted response. She was ridiculing my choice, offended even that I would offer them something like this. I was confused and offended myself. Naturally, my gift was being rejected before my very eyes.
But this wasnt all. Once they had guessed they were gnomes (and already begun their indignation) I pulled out the first one from the box and sat him on the table for all to see, convinced that his charisma would win them back round. And what happened? Their eldest boy, nearly three years old, burst out into tears. I mean really howling. The poor boy seemed to be terrified of the little man with his tubby nose, white beard and red coated belly. I think you better put them away said his dad sternly. Fortunately the youngest one is too young to notice this. He just wobbles, gurgles and dribbles in his high chair.
What is appropriate?
So now Im really confused and disappointed. How could such a simple gesture go so wrong? Ok, the kid may have an irrational reaction, hes a kid and I cant change or understand that unfortunate reaction. But why have my friends been so quick to condemn the gifts (which are lovingly given)? Why so blunt and, in my mind, downright rude? I accept that good old friends can say things to each other that you cant get away with saying to other people but they were being a bit too honest for comfort.
They explain that they do not see themselves as the garden gnome type of people. To them, garden gnomes have a whiff of something they dont particularly wish to associate with. But they cant put their fingers on it. Something to do with middle age, something to do with suburbia and keeping the Aspidistra Flying (if youll excuse the Orwell reference).
Im sitting and thinking well that may be so, but when I am offered a gift by a friend and I dont like it, I just smile, say something nice and accept the kind gesture. I dont even tell my own mother or girlfriend if I dont like a gift they have given me. At most, Ill say I dont like a shirt and go and exchange it for one I do like. But thats the outer limit. Im still accepting their gift.
So I accuse them of pretentiousness to start with. Then I charge them with being more image conscious and arrogant than they care to admit but they deny it all. The upshot is that they are not going to accept the gnomes. Period. And Im devastated. I pack the gnomes away in their little boxes and the questions start rising up. Please help if youve got any answers:
~ Is it ok for friends to say outright if they dont like or want a gift?
~ Should one always accept gifts they dont like or want, so that they at least honour the gesture of generosity?
~ Should people pass on to other people gifts that they have reluctantly accepted?
~ Whats wrong with garden gnomes anyway?
~ What association (negative or positive) are there surrounding garden gnomes?
~ Is it a German thing about gnomes? (The husband is German)
~ Why was the kid so frightened of a cute little gnome? What was he imagining?
Just to set your minds at ease: Dont worry, we havent fallen out over three little gnomes. In fact we did spend the rest of the evening joking about it, slipping the word gnome into conversation as often as possible, if you gnome what I mean.
[This is a long post and I accept many are too lazy to read the little account that follows. If you're a lazy one, then jump down and chew on some of the questions in bold blue. But they won't mean as much if you don't take in what led to the questions being asked.]
The Occasion
On Friday night I went round to see some old friends of mine for dinner at their new house. After a long and torturous house hunting process, they finally secured a lovely little cottage in the Cambridgeshire countryside; one with space enough for them, their two kids and the third that's on its way. This was to be the first visit by any of their friends to the new place and I wasn't going to go empty handed. Gifts were in order.
The People
Now, I should describe these people a bit before I explain the gifts and what happened on presenting them. One cannot do so without using the word 'bohemian' at some point, so I may as well get it out the way. Their old house was a cutesy cottage with an overgrown fairytale garden. With brightly coloured window frames and all manner of bells, wind chimes, carved wooden figures, paintings, postcards, clippings and other bric-a-brac knocking about, the cottage would not have been out of place in a Brothers Grimm tale. In fact, Hansel and Gretel comes to mind and Ive often referenced it when talking of their old place. The lady of the house is a friend of mine for some 10 years plus now. I did art A level with her and weve remained good friends ever since. She still makes her living from painting, when she isnt running around after her two little boys and rubbing the belly which is quietly nurturing the third. To call her artsy fartsy would be a gross understatement. Its in her job description ffs.
Her husband is of much the same outlook and temperament, but he has no professional get out clause for being a bearded, long haired, sandal wearing (often with socks), hippy bastard. Hes an electronics and carpentry teacher. Anyway, despite these seemingly derogatory remarks, I love these guys dearly. We meet often and have much in common, including a healthy disregard for social airs and graces, which is what this thread is all about and what makes this episode so strange.
The Gift
So Im thinking, what would be a good gift for such folk? They have little kids, theyve just moved to a new house, they like their garden and theyre inclined to the fairytale existence. I went to a nearby garden centre to see what I could find.
After much browsing around, I walked into a new section and the gift was there, staring me in the face. You must have had similar moments yourself. You walk into a space and lay eyes on the potential gift and you fall in love with it instantly, knowing it is the perfect choice and that opting for anything else would be a fallacy. Such was my experience in that garden centre when I saw a shelf stacked with these charming little garden gnomes. These were beautifully painted, full of character and in quite amiable poses. I bought three. The first was sitting on a tree stump and reading a book, his round rimmed glasses propped on his tubby little nose. The second was pushing a little wheelbarrow and apparently whistling as he worked. The last was my favourite. He was snoozing away in some kind of bower, blissfully unaware of all the gnome work that needed to be done. I paid for them, boxed them up and jumped in my car, eager to see the reaction from my friends and especially their little kids.
The Giving
Upon arriving at their new cottage I was delighted to find that the kids were still up. I placed the box on the table, like some kind of conjurer, and slowly revealed the pointy red hat of one of the gnomes, urging them to guess what it might be. Well they guessed pretty quick. What the $%&@?! Its a garden gnome! said my friend the artist. She didnt say it with excitement, joy or pleasant surprise. Oh no. This was a disgusted response. She was ridiculing my choice, offended even that I would offer them something like this. I was confused and offended myself. Naturally, my gift was being rejected before my very eyes.
But this wasnt all. Once they had guessed they were gnomes (and already begun their indignation) I pulled out the first one from the box and sat him on the table for all to see, convinced that his charisma would win them back round. And what happened? Their eldest boy, nearly three years old, burst out into tears. I mean really howling. The poor boy seemed to be terrified of the little man with his tubby nose, white beard and red coated belly. I think you better put them away said his dad sternly. Fortunately the youngest one is too young to notice this. He just wobbles, gurgles and dribbles in his high chair.
What is appropriate?
So now Im really confused and disappointed. How could such a simple gesture go so wrong? Ok, the kid may have an irrational reaction, hes a kid and I cant change or understand that unfortunate reaction. But why have my friends been so quick to condemn the gifts (which are lovingly given)? Why so blunt and, in my mind, downright rude? I accept that good old friends can say things to each other that you cant get away with saying to other people but they were being a bit too honest for comfort.
They explain that they do not see themselves as the garden gnome type of people. To them, garden gnomes have a whiff of something they dont particularly wish to associate with. But they cant put their fingers on it. Something to do with middle age, something to do with suburbia and keeping the Aspidistra Flying (if youll excuse the Orwell reference).
Im sitting and thinking well that may be so, but when I am offered a gift by a friend and I dont like it, I just smile, say something nice and accept the kind gesture. I dont even tell my own mother or girlfriend if I dont like a gift they have given me. At most, Ill say I dont like a shirt and go and exchange it for one I do like. But thats the outer limit. Im still accepting their gift.
So I accuse them of pretentiousness to start with. Then I charge them with being more image conscious and arrogant than they care to admit but they deny it all. The upshot is that they are not going to accept the gnomes. Period. And Im devastated. I pack the gnomes away in their little boxes and the questions start rising up. Please help if youve got any answers:
~ Is it ok for friends to say outright if they dont like or want a gift?
~ Should one always accept gifts they dont like or want, so that they at least honour the gesture of generosity?
~ Should people pass on to other people gifts that they have reluctantly accepted?
~ Whats wrong with garden gnomes anyway?
~ What association (negative or positive) are there surrounding garden gnomes?
~ Is it a German thing about gnomes? (The husband is German)
~ Why was the kid so frightened of a cute little gnome? What was he imagining?
Just to set your minds at ease: Dont worry, we havent fallen out over three little gnomes. In fact we did spend the rest of the evening joking about it, slipping the word gnome into conversation as often as possible, if you gnome what I mean.
I just wasn't aware that gnomes had so many bad, tacky associations. I really don't know of many people who have them and I just thought they would be cutesy little fellows they could hide in the garden. 
