Welcome to RandomLand!

Episode 9: A leisurely ride.

Once Again, I welcome you to RandomLand!

Are you guys ready for more merciless destruction, total chaos and Slaughter?
More of our national mix of conquest and poetic fauna talk?

Well sorry to disappoint you but there is not much of this in the current update!!!!
( except for the fauna talk of course).
But please don't blame me, your fateful favorite leader Asoka, for this mishap!
It is not my fault and it is in truth a mere side effect of the fact that teleportation is not yet invented.

This episode should not be less enjoyable however, as we will compensate! See this one as a leisurely break, a gentle ride through a widening of the otherwise tumultuous river of RandomLand!

Here's what happened:

We closed the last chapter with the utter destruction of the evil empire of China (good riddance... ). Despide our age-long enemy finally vanquished, the ever-conquering Indian Army is still itching for new stuff to burn, loot and trample with their Helliphants!. Our immediate Problem is that the best candidate for trampling, a vicious cow!like creature, is on the other side of the empire... The army will need to do alot of marching to get there, this will keep them busy for a while, roughly a bit over 100 years + some preparation time... So we will focus on all the major events that took place in this time, and they are many!!

Here is a screeny showing the state of the Indian empire by year 760 AD (aka: turn 224). This is right after the conquest of China. You can see the long march awaiting our army.


What is it now? Isabella built the Apostolic palace! Ah the the Bit... Pious woman! Now if i vote for her, she will like me even more, and anyway she is likely to win even if i vote for myself, this is what always happen... Ah i cant resist... *Vote for myself*


Yeah, everyone voted for her... right, go figure... *Asoka takes note: "Listening to your own self esteem is not always the best decision"*


In the meantime however we have made an important breakthrough! The discovery of the Code of Law is going to help us greatly in taking our economy out of the cesspool. It is a must have technology for a vast empire like ours!


While our army is still on the march we have some diplomatic fun with our other buddies. We feel it is time to make a profit out of our discovery of Feudalism, which nobody else has at this point. We trust nobody will trade it to Victoria since she is the lagging Horse! ( or should i say, the lagging Cow! )in the technological race and does not have much to trade it for. Poor victoria does not have much friends either... We count on her being a backward cow! to make our job easier!

First, we contact our buddy Mansa and do good business with him! Now you're talking buddy!


Then we visit our dear Izzy, more religious goodness? We'll take it!


And what about that good'ol grumpy Gilgamesh?


All this trading has left us in a diplomatic mood, and we think that Mansa is in great need of Corn.


We ask Isabella if she would like to share some m&ms with us, (dont worry we have more coming)


Then we convince Gilgy that our gold will allow him to build a bigger crown and put more rings in his beard. Of course he's happy with that.


This period of prosperity and creative cultural exchanges spawns a great Artist in our Capital! He is immediately sacrificed on a special altar in a eons old ritual that is said to start a golden age. On the next day, our priests open the doors of the Mausoleum of Maussollos and find its vaults to be full of Win!


As if this golden age and all the shrewd diplomatic successes were not wonderful enough already, on the next turn we complete this awesome touristic hotspot!


To thank the gods for all this awesome awesomeness going on at once, we order a ludicrously massive sacrifice of Ottoman slaves in Istanbul, the gods reward us with holy arrows to slay our enemies.


Strong with the golden age and all this money from trades and stuff, we discover the compass: Before, we always felt we knew where we were going, now we are sure!


To keep going with the Good-stuff spree, by the year 950AD, right in the middle of our golden age, we are ready to resume the bloodletting! We have fortified the whole western front against Victoria, but more importantly: Our main army is ready to cross the border and invade the city of Coventry (it was on our flood plain to begin with anyway). So we send Victoria a missive to tell her we are finally coming! ( Just in case she had not guessed from the massive SoD by her border).

Not exciting enough you say?? Pffft! We even have another stack ready to assault the lowly settlement of Warwick further to the north... AT THE SAME TIME!!! I AM NOT LYING ...but it is hidden by the diplo screen... ( Forgive my subpar photographic skills...)


Now that was a pretty nice and smooth leisurely update wasn't it? I hope it satisfied all those of you who were getting tired of the constant slaughtering going on since this Saga started...

Just kidding! In truth, if any of my readers were really feeling this way, i tell you now... next update; YOU ARE GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED!

to be continued...

Needs more workers. Also kill vicky

Thanks everyone for the positive comments
I really enjoy doing this. Also, i think this has to be my best Civ4 game so far, glad it turned out this way for my first story!
But is it me of Epic speed makes it somewhat easier? Or possibly its because all the other leaders are wimps, i feel like a wolf among sheep in this game.

Click to expand...

Than turn on agressive AI!
Also: and

Or download a mod which contains ruthless ai

Izzy can be pain sometimes but in this game she likes me, I slay the Heathens!
ruthless AI sounds good

Monty+ruthless AI+Deity=HEAD FOR THE HILLS

You play at Deity Lelouch? Although it may not look like it from looking at this one, I think a Monarch game is challenging enough already Well, Maybe ill try emperor next time!

No. I play at prince. Once I played a deity game, and wb spys so I could see what happened and surrounded myself with ice
Monty rap*d everyone with axemen.
EDIT:I actually do ply on deity in Rise From Erebus as the Frozen civ. They are really, really op.
They spawn blizzards, which move around and turn everything to ice temporarily, and all their units have 1 extra strength

In the meantime, if you ever happen to walk by Qin Shi Huang's funeral urn, offer flowers, say a short prayer and then slap it with a dead fishyfish!

Click to expand...

Fixed

Two FishyFishies! one FishyFish! *MaxWar slaps himself with one*

And its actually what im about to have for supper

Edit: Btw, possibly gonna update this after im done with the FishyFish!

Omz i just had fishyfish for supper

thecaesar said:

Omz i just had fishyfish! for supper

Click to expand...

Fixed!

*Mine is still cooking*

Episode 10: We adopt a new pet!

Welcome back to RandomLand!
This is episode number... well actually i don't know, there's bunch of em already! I guess its time to make an index in the OP? Bah, does it really matter?

In this fabulous episode, more of what you like best: Cows!, earth scorching warfare, shameless slaughtering, looting, plotting about world domination and Cows! or did i mean Victorias!?
Anyway, even more importantly :

Here's what happened:

We left the previous episode with a big portrait of the big angry, vicious cow! named Victoria! She was just being sent an invitation to her own funeral and the following BBQ party. Self admittedly, she was never much of a party girl this Victoria... However that never prevented her from being Vicious! In case she cannot make it alive to the funeral, you can count on her being "part" of the BBQ party!

Let it begins!
To make a good first impression, we let loose our angry Helliphants! on the land smudge Brits call Warwick... Anyway, its not like you'd expect something defended by two archers to last very long against a bunch of rampaging Helliphants!...
Also, we thought it would be a glorious place to start our assault since there's the word "War" in the name of the place.


Wow! 98GP! I would never have expected this clump of ramshackle cabins to contain so much bling!
This is where the mayor of the city actually lived before we set the thing ablaze.


Now the city of Coventry is a slightly tougher nut to crack. Nothing a two turns catapult siege + Helliphant! Charge cant take care of though!


You'd expect such a cannonball start to be celebrated, AND IT WAS!! Look at what we just built :
Yeah, i know, its usually in Egypt, but since there is not such place in RandomLand, someone else had to build it.


What?? Now Isabella and her wretched holy Apostolic Palace wants to vote a RandomLandWide Open border act? WTF is this crazy idea! It will allow Mansa to expand!
and obviously... it passes


Hopefully he's too dumb to get the hint and anyway we got Machines Now!


Oh NOES!! A bunch of lurking archers got out of the woods and did unspeakable things to our poor Porks!
Asoka, when he learned about the lowly acts, swore the porks! would be Avenged Sevenfold. Just wait till we finally catch those vicious archers!


A bad news seldom appears alone, we received news that our ongoing project, the Chichen Itza, had just crumpled into a pile of money. Our trusty Warriors ( the very same warriors from turn 1 back in episode 1) , after they had been lost in the vast forests for roughly 5 milleniums, sent us a message that they had actually seen the thing being built in Madrid.


In the meantime our glorious troops have been gaining ground on the english territory, slaying scattered units as they went. As our main army, led by General Abdul, is besieging the city of Hasting, other Helliphants! are plodding around a place called LiverPool. This place is really disgusting, what in the blazing hell went in those Englishmen brains when they decided to fill a pool with Livers?


It seems however that the Englishmen are very serious about protecting things they hold dear, such as incense. They even went as far as to build a fort around it!


On the following day Asoka receives an Impromptu visit From Mansa. "Oh MaxwarV Asoka, leader of mighty India, please protect Mali from harm and you shall have our loyalty."


The minister of Fauna!, who is present at the meeting, quickly lets his feelings be known.
"Look at him! He is so cute! Oh please please Asoka, can we keep him? Please, please, please!"
Asoka, still suspicious, was not yet convinced.
"It may be a trap, maybe he just wants to make sure we cannot conquer his lands and he will actually never give us anything useful out of this deal"
But the minister was still pleading:
"I will keep him well fed and out of the way! I promise"
Asoka, scratching his chin: " But maybe he carries diseases or something, it could be dangerous, we would need to have him examined..."
Mansa just looks at Asoka with those funny eyes:

"Alright, i suppose we could keep him. After all, we never had one like this before, maybe it'll be funny!"
<Minister of fauna> Your da best!

And this is how the Indian people adopted Mansa into the family. Will he prove to be cuddly and loyal? Or will he just make a nuisance out of himself?
Time shall tell...




Now, back to the war. We sent a small task force up to the north with the mission of weakening the defenses of a town called Oxford. We find it very interesting that a nation ruled by a big Cow! actually has a city with the word "Ox" in it.
Anyway, what started as a "lets throw some rocks up their head for lulz" ended up being a semi serious siege with actual odds of doing significant damage, judging by the *place overused 4 letter word here* effort of our catapult.


However, the powers above decided otherwise... Our brave Helliphants! riders attacked with all their might and despite highly favorable odds of over 86%, they just fell one after the other... To add insult to injury, the events spawned a mighty English General in York!
*Btw, sorry for the hard to read screenies, photobucket kinda messes them up, red text reads "you war Helliphant! has died trying to attack a maceman"*


Now our small push toward Oxford is ruined and we will have to retreat!
This is a bad presage for the war effort! However, our army is still strong in the south and is giving the Brits a siege worth their money!

How will this all turn out? Will this end gloriously with the spectacular defeat of England or... the "Oxford incident" is the beginning of the first Indian military Defeat?
We will find the answer in THE NEXT EPISODE!!

In the meantime i will leave you with this pretty picture of our new pet already trying to extort some outrageous deals out of us.

To be continued...

Great Update! Avenge the Porks, and Defeat the Cow!!!!
at the Mansa cat picture

Update

The RNG gods must be displeased with Asoka...

Mansa is a bit of a little kitten, isn't he?

Indeed! The question is... what am i gonna do with him now.

I mean, i like kitties, but im not yet sure about this one, i tried asking him tribute but he was like " bah, you push us too hard" ...

See how much you can get from Mansa

Best use of that picture ever.