How does one become gay in your opinion? Is it a choice or not?

Quasar1011 said:

Being gay is a choice. A know a former lesbian who gave up her lifestyle, and married a man. She will tell you it was a choice she made- she didn't feel compelled by genetics or environment.

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But how you do know she wasn't bi? She gave up one lifestyle, and switched to another lifestyle. In my experience, there are a lot of bisexual people who identify as gay/lesbian (i.e., they don't use those terms to mean exclusively same sex attraction). I think you're confusing lifestyle with attraction here - sexuality is about the latter.

And more generally, just because it's true in one case obviously doesn't mean it's always a choice - it's not common to see people switching from one gender to the other, after all. All we can say is that for some people, which gender they want is a choice.

I'd like to believe that everyone is naturally bisexual (in that, they can be attracted to both genders, even if they usually choose only one) - that's great, far from being bad for homosexuality, it's a great support for bisexuality, and puts homosexualty and heterosexuality on an equal footing to each other.

But in my experience, I'm not convinced it is a choice for most people.

CivGeneral said:

I fully agree with you! . Anal sex (Which I call sodomy (男&#33394) is a repulsive and disgusting sex act! BTW, I love how you add in the barnyard noises .

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To you it is repulsive. But not to everyone.

croxis said:

To you it is repulsive. But not to everyone.

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To me it's repulsive, but I tell you what not half as repulsive as the bigotry you see levelled against it, man I wouldn't sleep with a man, but I wouldn't talk to a bigot either; I'd rather sleep with a man and find it disgusting, than talk to an arsehole about it I guess that's just me though. Plenty of arsheholes around the globe, let's hope they aren't alive for much longer and the world slides into some sort of consistency with science not religous morons.

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croxis said:

To you it is repulsive. But not to everyone.

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What? You dont think getting some guys man parts jabbed up your arse is disgusting?

Well then why dont you try it with your best guy friend then?

It's a little of both. Sexuality is far too complex to pin down to any one deciding factor. It's like asking why do some men prefer boobs and others prefer legs?

Neomega said:

It's a little of both. Sexuality is far too complex to pin down to any one deciding factor. It's like asking why do some men prefer boobs and others prefer legs?

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Agree with you there. Speaking of which.. Thats a good thread topic il start one.

Xanikk999 said:

What? You dont think getting some guys man parts jabbed up your arse is disgusting?

Well then why dont you try it with your best guy friend then?

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I never said anything about my feelings on that subject in that post. I also find it interesting you assumed that I haven't.

Truronian said:

In which case she must have started out heterosexual and chosen to go for homosexuality before returning. This begs the question, why chose to go homosexual?

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Yes, and I can think of a 2nd ladyfriend who had a "lesbian period" before returning to men. Both of them have said that they were fed up with men; one was in a 5-year relationship with a guy who cheated on her, and eventually physically abused her. It seems to some women, that the default position is "men are pigs".

mdwh said:

But how you do know she wasn't bi? She gave up one lifestyle, and switched to another lifestyle. In my experience, there are a lot of bisexual people who identify as gay/lesbian (i.e., they don't use those terms to mean exclusively same sex attraction). I think you're confusing lifestyle with attraction here - sexuality is about the latter.

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She said she wasn't bi, and that she had the same lesbian girlfriend for 5 years. She later started dating a guy, and told me she almost dumped him to go back to women. But she said she had to make a choice, and she chose to be with a man. I don't think there was a time when she actively had lovers of both genders. She just progressed from straight-->lesbian-->straight. Seems she first tired of men, then tired of women and went back to men.

Quasar1011 said:

She said she wasn't bi, and that she had the same lesbian girlfriend for 5 years. She later started dating a guy, and told me she almost dumped him to go back to women. But she said she had to make a choice, and she chose to be with a man. I don't think there was a time when she actively had lovers of both genders. She just progressed from straight-->lesbian-->straight. Seems she first tired of men, then tired of women and went back to men.

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Women are strange creatures.

Quasar1011 said:

Seems she first tired of men, then tired of women and went back to men.

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How does one "tire of women?" Anyway, maybe she's just a closet asexual.

Drool4Res-pect said:

How does one "tire of women?"

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Who knows? Maybe it's like the time George said about Kramer, "I drive them to lesbianism, and he brings them back!"

Genetics and partly upbringing. However, why on earth is it a bad thing if someone becomes gay?

Drool4Res-pect said:

How does one "tire of women?" Anyway, maybe she's just a closet asexual.

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Yah, there has to be an explanation, because being gay DEFINATELY isn't a choice, right?

Keep digging guys, I'm sure there is a logical way to explain some people personal experiences to keep them in line with your opinions.

Quasar1011 said:

She said she wasn't bi, and that she had the same lesbian girlfriend for 5 years. She later started dating a guy, and told me she almost dumped him to go back to women. But she said she had to make a choice, and she chose to be with a man. I don't think there was a time when she actively had lovers of both genders. She just progressed from straight-->lesbian-->straight. Seems she first tired of men, then tired of women and went back to men.

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Bisexual doesn't mean having realtionships with both genders at the same time, it means the ability to find both genders sexually attractive and form relationships with them.

I never have chosen to be attracted to boobs and not to mustaches, so I presume I either was born heterosexual or I ended being one by education, or a bit of both. I don't see any reason not to think the same way about being gay.

Quasar1011 said:

She said she wasn't bi, and that she had the same lesbian girlfriend for 5 years. She later started dating a guy, and told me she almost dumped him to go back to women. But she said she had to make a choice, and she chose to be with a man. I don't think there was a time when she actively had lovers of both genders. She just progressed from straight-->lesbian-->straight. Seems she first tired of men, then tired of women and went back to men.

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Firstly, monogamous bisexual people don't have lovers of both genders at the same time. Otherwise, by that logic, single people would be asexual.

She may not be "actively bisexual", but the point is she's someone who's attracted to both genders, but switches between who she prefers to go out with. Just because there exists one person like this clearly doesn't prove that everyone is like that.

Is it really true that everyone's attracted to both genders and that most people just choose one? I mean, I'm bi, so I can't claim that isn't true from my own experience, but from what straight/gay people tell me, that doesn't seem to be the case.

What about you? Are you also attracted to the same sex, but just prefer to stick with the opposite?

The problem with this I think is confusing attraction with who you choose to have a relationship with. The latter is obviously a choice, but the former isn't. I would say that for many straight/gay people, they are only attracted to one gender, in which case there is no choice in the matter. There exist some people who are attracted to both - they didn't choose to be attracted to both, but this does mean that they can now make a choice who they have relationships with.

The question is, is everyone in this latter category, or not?

Xanikk999 said:

What? You dont think getting some guys man parts jabbed up your arse is disgusting?

Well then why dont you try it with your best guy friend then?

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I think you misread "everyone".

To those deriding anal on its "gayness" why do so many guys relish doing it to their gfs.. who have perfectly well designed alternatives?

Abaddon said:

To those deriding anal on its "gayness" why do so many guys relish doing it to their gfs.. who have perfectly well designed alternatives?

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Its about being penetrated not doing it TO someone.