"Quinctili Vare, legiones redde!"
-Augustus Caesar
Before there was Germany, there was Germania. A bunch of grubby people with axes that hated Rome and all it stood for. Of course, in our history, they hated Rome largely because Rome was expanding its influence via its legions into Germania.
In this game, we hate Rome because it's not as soft a target as we'd like it to be. The foul-tempered Axe guy part is the same, though.
To begin, we got right down to the business of denying Rome her Iron:
It was more difficult than it should have been because of that stupid river that chops Italy in half. Two units' worth of Axemen died dislodging those pesky Praetorians.
Once that was done, it was just a matter of keeping Caesar from building reinforcements while I worked feverishly on my own:
Wooo! Axe party in Italy! We even pillaged a few gold that would help keep our economy afloat for a while longer.
We got our libraries up and running rather quickly, in order to finish Construction. This had a nice little side benefit:
Ever since I installed Warlords, it seems like the "order" of Great People is jumbled. Ah, well. My plan was to build an Academy in Berlin, both for culture and to boost our capitol in the future (Once we have some more production cities, Berlin is going to be a scientist mecca). He could lightbulb Alphabet, though, which would be crucial to backfilling some techs (The Construction beeline would give us Mathematics, which the AI seems to usually wait on).
We went straight to the unusually pensive Alexander, who didn't even have Writing yet:
And temporarily halted our trading there (nobody was being especially generous with their offers).
In 550 B.C., it was time. Say it's impatient on my part, Say it's a prudent gamble, say that the money was going to run out before Catapults came onto the scene, but we couldn't wait any longer:
I won't lie to you: We were absurdly lucky in our attacks. We won at least three 16% battles. Rome was reduced to a handful of heavily injured defenders:
We had about ten Axemen in all left, most of which were severely injured. All of them, though, qualified for promotion to CR2, which healed them enough to get right back into action.
Oh, lest I forget, our advanced tactics (Throw Axemen at Bad Guy) encouraged the finest military minds of our age to flock to Berlin's banner:
I settled him in the capitol for the ability to pump out 2-promotion units.
As promised, the following turn:
Rome is ours! About 1500 years too late, but it's ours. Julius Caesar retreated to his winter palace in the southern tip of Italy, and, after a few turns to heal, our Axemen would be in hot pursuit.
Shortly thereafter, Isabella came to me with an offer I found it difficult to refuse:
Honestly, everyone's gonna have Writing pretty soon, anyway, so we may as well get what we can for it. Oh, and one more thing about our ravishing Spaniard: How in Sid Meier's name did she not snag a religion!? She's almost not even worth conquering without a shrine. And speaking of religion, our lack of one is wreaking havoc both on our happiness (I'm having to run our cities with skeleton crews) and our cultural borders. Won't someone spread your beliefs to us? Please?
Alexander came back and showed us just what that magic metal was that allowed Rome to build those armored brutes:
As our workers got back to work rebuilding Rome's ravaged infrastructure, we sent our newly refreshed soldiers out to conquer the rest of the peninsula:
Our CR2 and CR3 Axes against unpromoted Archers? Piece of cake. We just studied up on our Advanced Military Tactics (Throw Axemen at Bad Guy) and...
Oh. Unfortunately, our run of luck seems to have run out. We're pretty low on Axemen now, and we might be starting to look like a target for Louis or Catherine. So I negotiated a truce with Caesar (He wouldn't give us anything, but he wasn't being belligerent about things, either).
Here's Germany proper in 365 B.C.:
And the Roman territory:
I guess the plan is to stock up on Catapults and finish Caesar followed by a strike on Louis, whose culture is now becoming a major concern. We're still screwed, mind you, but I think we may be starting to scrape our way out of our early hole.
My biggest concern is that I don't think Antium is Rome's last city. If you look at the screenshots of the ill-fated attack on that particular fortress-city, you'll see that Rome's borders turn southward somewhere in North Africa. I think Caesar may have snuck a Settler across the Mediterranean.
Which isn't really that much of a big deal, except for the fact that Rome (and Antium, should we be able to take it) will still suffer from "Motherland" unhappiness. Assuming Caesar's or Louis' borders don't swallow Rome up first, anyway (hence the Drama research- Well, that and the ability to buy happiness).
Of course, there's also the fact that, honestly, I think the assault on Rome should have failed miserably. Please believe me when I tell you that I didn't reroll and load to get that result, but I still feel guilty that it worked.
So I'm kind of ambivalent about this game. On the one hand, we're in a bad spot, and we should by all rights be in an even worse one. On the other, though, I have nobody to blame for the sorry state of the game but myself, and I'd hate to abandon what could be a winnable scenario.
So, yeah. After all's said and done, Germany's much harder on this map than I gave it credit for. I thank you all for all the help and support you've given me so far. Without you guys I'd've started over long ago. Here's the save: