The throng in the Palace stepped back from their ruler. Hadn't gotten to see himself naked? What was the God-King asking for? No one knew, but anyone who didn't fulfill his request would doubtless find their family flayed in the desert in the morning. Some courtiers ran to fetch burnished metal that could be used as a mirror. Others moved forward to disrobe the great Cyrus. Others, frozen in panic, simply dropped their own clothing, thinking that he simply wished to slake his immortal lust.
Neal's jaw dropped as his court threatened to devolve into some sort of ridiculous show orgy. He clearly wasn't in Egypt anymore, but he recognized the architecture, and the pale cyan glow that seemed to suffuse everything. Must have been some glitch in the system. Well, he had succeeded in Persia before, and he could do so again. But first, he needed to restore order.
"Get your hands off of me!" the King of the World yelped, shrinking away from the grabbing hands of his servants. "And you all," he said, waving to the naked forms standing dumbfounded around the room, "put your clothes back on!" Neal didn't know what kind of dog and pony show Cyrus had been running for the past thousand years, but it was going to stop. Now. Palace guards with burnished stone clubs flanked the courtiers who had dared to tug on the God-King's vestments. They looked to Neal deferentially, awaiting the order to strike. "Oh, let them go."
The nobles were shocked at being spared, and dismayed, for Cyrus could be as cruel as he was capricious. They were doubtless being saved for far more gruesome ends. But any day in which one's intestines were not spooled out for the carrion vultures to eat while you were forced to watch was a good day. "I have been... inattentive for far too long," the God-King intoned after a long pause. "I require detailed information as to the state of my empire." This was certainly new. Cyrus had spent his years tormenting his court and living for his own divine pleasures, leaving the day-to-day functioning of the empire to his governors. Those who had made themselves fat and rich off of their own corruption and Persia's permissiveness glanced about nervously.
After a few hours of conversation with advisors, scouts, and laborers, Neal had a fairly reasonable picture of the empire he had inherited:
"All right," Neal said, recounting his mental notes. His voice echoed hollowly in the Throne Room. The few advisors the King of the World had chosen to retain felt uneasy at the silence of the once-bustling place. "First off, we're crippled by the site of Persepolis. 'Never settle one off the coast' is one of the simplest lessons in the book! But there's little we can do about that now. Secondly, recall the spies. Land is power, yes, but Technology isn't far behind, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose a turn off of Bronze Working so that we can get a daily report of what Asoka's eating for breakfast." Research was dutifully turned back up to 100%, cutting research time from four turns to three. "Finally, have those Workers finish the hunting lodge, then set up shop to gather the Ivory and Beef to the south. Why don't we have The Wheel yet?"
A young page stepped into the cavernous throne room with reports that Egypt had been ravaged by fire. "Well, it looks like I got out of Dodge in the nick of time, then," Cyrus muttered with a chuckle. The boy winced, waiting to be strapped to an anthill, and was surprised to be sent on his way. The lack of trust in the room was grating on Neal's nerves. Cyrus must have been a real jerk. There were only two ways to fix that. Neal could, technically, find religion, build dozens of Temples, and sing Kumbaya while the rest of the world went to hell. But Cultural Victories are boring, and Neal just did that. No, we need a good war. And, as Persia, a good war means good Horses:
The people needed something to unite behind, something they could be proud of. Something like dozens of Immortals sweeping northward into Russia or eastward into India. Saladin's Protective Archers and Alexander's stolid Phalanxes made them less appealing targets. And a bit of war plunder would also, once again, make Persia a major player in world affairs.
Once The Wheel had been discovered, the powerful Horses of the Persian Plateau were well on their way to being harnessed for the good of the King of the World:
Kalat was a miserable excuse for a city, and likely would be until the advent of Biology, but it roped in the Horses, and those Horses would... grant us access to much better city sites. Think of it as the Mongol principle all over again.
One thing Cyrus had not skimped on was Scouting:
Persian scouts in Africa doubled their number by finding a Village of like-minded souls on the Mediterranean coast. Egypt's lack of a firm understanding of what borders were and how to open them trapped the hardy souls on the Dark Continent, but they could nevertheless report their findings to Persepolis. In the east, meanwhile, Persian Scouts somehow beat the Chinese, Mongols, and Japanese to Korea. Tribal Chief Wang Kon provided valuable gifts before getting his guts ripped out by dogs. Hey, those Scouts were Cyrus' Scouts. They didn't know that we do things kinder and gentler these days.
Fresh off their brutal victory, the Scouts made contact with the Greeks in the unlikeliest of places:
The two Scouts sat on a small natural bridge across the river, sipping oolong tea and telling tales of their far-off lands. Apparently, Greece and Persia were not far apart and shared many similar customs. Like a love of knowledge and sticking heads on spikes. You can also see there that old Egypt made a big jump in score. Neal's original work among the Egyptians was finally bearing fruit.
As the eastern Scouts mapped civilized lands and met strange new cultures, the lives of the African Scouts were fraught with significantly more peril:
Which is not, as you can see in the second screenshot, to say that their travels were not profitable. They eventually died off, but not before somehow spiriting their maps and plunder back to the Royal Palace.
Back in the Middle East, Neal was concerned. Saladin would seek to expand beyond his sandy Arabian Peninsula before long, and Persia would need to fund its military adventures with profits from those beautiful Babylonian Flood Plains. It was not the close call experienced in the Asoka game, but Ur was, nevertheless, rushed to completion in the middle of Mesopotamia:
Short-term, the placement guaranteed that much of the region would fall under Persian control. Long-term, Neal had seen Oil spring forth from beneath the city's foundations before, and had a sneaking suspicion that it would do so again.
The soft Chinese Scouts met an unfortunate end. After years of gladhanding, they went off to map the frozen tundra. There, in eastern Russia, they met their end at the claws of a massive bear:
They grow'em big out there in Siberia.
After centuries of benevolent rule and cranking out powerful Immortals, Neal felt he had earned enough public trust to make a necessary, if unpopular, political change:
A full turn of unrest erupted as Persian citizens, finally growing used to a more humane government, learned that they could be expended like chattel in the creation of public works.
Neal, who saw Slavery as a regrettable means to a necessary end, quickly showed that he would not hesitate to use the whip:
With Ur in possession of a Monument, Immortals being produced across Persia, and Cottages soon to be dotting the shores of the Tigris and Euphrates, I figured this was a good point to call it a round.
So who should we go after? India can take a few more years to hack back those Jungles. Saladin is pretty much doomed to mediocrity at this point. Maybe we swoop up through the Tehran area into Russia? Or maybe make the gamble and strike at-
"Greece?"
"Yes, Lord Alexander," a grizzled veteran said, testing his bow as he stood with Neal on the Palace wall. "This is Greece. A beautiful country, full of free men willing to fight and die for you."
Alexander the Great's eyes widened. "We need to fortify our eastern borders. Immediately."
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Wow, Greece is crappy. Athens has a Barracks and Sparta is a flat new settlement. We have Fishing, The Wheel, Hunting, Mining, Archery, and Bronze Working. I'm thinking we need to get Mysticism or Writing ASAP to get some Culture going in Sparta, hook up the Copper and start churning out Phalanxes. Because if Persia decides to come at us, we'd better be ready.
Here's the save:
I may have to experiment with this kind of setup in my own games. It's very interesting.
