Neal strode purposefully into the Palace at Mecca. "Minions!" A number of heads snapped in his direction, annoyance at this mode of address flickering on their faces. What came next, though, softened every countenance. "Scrap our plans to improve the roadways, and divert all research to Guilds. We must harness the military might of the common camel. I will shore up our gold reserves. Soon, my friends, we will ride on the Egyptian heretics!"
Research was cranked to 100%, and Neal made a number of trades for cold, hard cash:
You will notice that, early on, we called Rome off the Egyptian warpath. It wouldn't do to have to compete with last round's Praetorians for conquests in Africa's lightly-defended underbelly. Also, once Guilds was completed, the noble Mali were more than willing to complete our Engineering track.
By 1070, we were ready to wipe the heretical taint from our lands:
Egypt had so much promise. How dare the Jackal throw it all away with her blind devotion to the Christian faith? Neal inwardly cringed a little at this, but he'd ruled enough realms to know that, outside of Buddhism and Hinduism, and possibly Judaism, all religions ended up being heretical.
As hordes of Catapults and Camel Archers swooped into position on the Egyptian border, Neal finished his vanity project of settling Madagascar:
The island would likely be a drag on resources for the duration of Neal's reign, but it would be a boon to Saladin in the future.
The tiny garrison at Alexandria provided little resistance to the Crusading Army:
Having a canal city linking the Mediterranean to the Red Sea is, as always, a valuable commodity on this map.
Egypt wasn't the only people to feel the wrath of the Camel Archer. In eastern Africa, a Barbarian city was razed...
And refounded as Mogadishu, to the east. Mogadishu, with access to the southern fisheries, would be more food-independent.
As the army poured southward into Africa, an advance scout found the Christian holy city of Memphis delightfully vulnerable:
Needless to say, the city and its 14
per turn shrine were quickly annexed before they could be reinforced.At this point, China's war with Mongolia was becoming a rout. Cities were being taken with frightening rapidity. Eyeing the succession chart, and wanting to stop the bleeding (and wanting to keep China from growing too big as a general principle), Neal bribed Qin Shi Huang with the secrets of Paper (yet another odd Arab reversal) to call off the dogs.
After the fall of Memphis, the Arab army split. Half would move south, along the Nile, to crush the Upper Egyptian settlements, while the other half would move westward along the Mediterranean coast:
As the war with Egypt continued, a few skirmishers continued along the Indian Ocean to claim the Barbarian towns that dotted the eastern coastline:
Mycenian wasn't an optimal city, but it was good enough to keep.
In 1160, the Chinese built the Apostolic Palace:
Despite my desperate vote for Catherine, Old Qin won the election. We're really going to have our work cut out for us next round.
The battle for Heliopolis was surprisingly protracted:
I didn't bring along enough actual combatants. The first Camel Archer died in a fluke battle, allowing the city to whip out reinforcements (including a War Elephant!) for a few turns before it actually fell. Lesson learned, I suppose.
In the north, the siege of Elephantine went much more smoothly:
The war with Egypt was becoming a rout.
In celebration, Timur the Timid, Withdrawal Specialist Extraordinaire, was christened near Suez:
I love the super-tactics cavalry unit. It's almost free XP, and free damage. Kind of like a super-early Airship without the reconnaissance.
With the assault on Giza, the Jackal had been ousted from the African continent:
And remained only in her central Asian stronghold.
And with the fall of Scythian:
The entire eastern coast of Africa was painted green.
By 1270, Hatshepsut was on the ropes:
Advance Camel Archers ringed the city, and a baggage train of Catapults was trundling northward. The last Egyptian bastion would be reduced to flaming rubble, a fitting pyre for the heretic queen.
The night before the final assault, Neal tossed and turned in his bed, deep within the sandstone palace at Mecca. He dreamed that he stood within a futuristic lab. Strange music played in the background. With a hiss of blue smoke, Neal found himself staring at a familiar figure:
"Scott Bakula?"
The figure certainly looked like the aging star, but it spoke with the echoing, polytonal voice of a cheesy rendition of god. "Suffer not the deaths of the failed incarnates," it boomed, "for they each bear a sliver of your soul. And down the road of self-destruction lies only madness."
Before Neal could ask the figure about the meaning of life, the game, or The Informant!, he found himself jerked awake, entangled in his sheets on the cold stone floor. He had Saladin's sweet beard back, though, so that was something.
Hatshepsut absolutely despised Arabia. The rest of the world loathed Hatshepsut. The Egyptian people would harbor resentment at her captivity, and long to rejoin her empire. But Scott Bakula was fairly persuasive. The Egyptian queen did still call herself Neal, after all, so there had to be something to that "sliver of your soul" stuff. With the acrid taste of bile stinging the back of his throat, the King of the World offered an olive branch to the desperate Jackal:
So Neal had pledged his protection to an enclave of heretics surrounded by the faithful in the middle of the Central Asian Steppe, far away from his armies. And actual protection would need to be given, too. Hatshepsut would need to live.
That should have completed the round, but, sadly, there was more to it. First, the established cultural centers of Europe proved too much for the turbulent conquests in North Africa:
As you can also see in that second screenshot, we've been beaten to the free tech by the vile English. Elizabeth was, however, willing to trade us the tech for Gunpowder, opening up Free Speech to help secure Arabia against further cultural takeovers.
It wasn't a perfect round, but we took a Saladin that was more than willing to languish on his little peninsula and made him a genuine world power:
A power under constant assault from foreign culture, but a power.
So, his work done, Neal prepared to jump. His next destination wouldn't be nearly so sunny or easy:
Neal smelled raw meat, open flame, and horse dung. This was life on the Mongol Steppe in 1300 A.D. Building Swordsmen and Spearmen to go against Macemen and Cho-Ko-Nus. Neal had to do something to check China's domination, but what could he do?
To call the Mongols backwards would be kind:
So, what do we do? Hurl everything we have at our southern neighbor? Or sit tight, turtle up, and do the best we can with our horrible situation? This round is going to be no cakewalk, so I'll leave the discussion up to you.
Here's the save:
Now be a man and cope with it 
