jokes - keep them clean this time!!!!!
- Thread starter andyo
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charimon
Chieftain
What the? do I even WANT to get that joke...never mind...just...never mind
Analysing joke...humor not found. this joke must not be alowed to live! :die!:
Analysing joke...humor not found. this joke must not be alowed to live! :die!:allhailIndia
Deity
Slightly old, but here it is.
Why did it take India a gap of 27 years to test another Atomic Bomb?
They couldn't find enough Russian translators, for the manuals
Why did it take Pakistan two more days than the Indians?
Chinese translators are even harder to find
Why did it take India a gap of 27 years to test another Atomic Bomb?
They couldn't find enough Russian translators, for the manuals
Why did it take Pakistan two more days than the Indians?
Chinese translators are even harder to find
charimon
Chieftain
ANDYO!!! YOU really cool guy!!! You are a really cool guy ! Leave canada alone! We rule you!
napoleon526
Emperor
A priest is walking down the street when he sees a child throwing a temper tantrum while his mother tries desperately to calm him. The priest asks the boy's mother if he can say a few words to the child. The mother agrees and the priest whispers something into the child's ear. Immediately, the boy becomes silent.
The mother is shocked. She asks the priest what he told the child to make his quiet down. The priest replies, "I told him that if he didn't shut the hell up I'd kick his f**king ass to the moon."
The mother is shocked. She asks the priest what he told the child to make his quiet down. The priest replies, "I told him that if he didn't shut the hell up I'd kick his f**king ass to the moon."
napoleon526
Emperor
The same priest continues his walk when, lo and behold, he comes upon another child in the middle of a screaming fit. Once again, the priest asks the boy's mother if he could have a few words with the child. She agrees and the priest sits down on a bench with the boy.
The priest then takes off the crucifix that he wears around his neck and shows it to the boy. "See that man?", says the priest. "He wouldn't stop crying in public, either."
The priest then takes off the crucifix that he wears around his neck and shows it to the boy. "See that man?", says the priest. "He wouldn't stop crying in public, either."
philippe
FYI, I chase trains.
heheh lol
allhailIndia
Deity
Hitler and Mussolini die and meet their maker. God asks Hitler first how many wives he had and Hitler replies "one and only one". God is very happy and says, "Excellent you will drive the latest BMW in hell". Hitler is overjpyed.
Mussolini is next and God puts the same question to him. He replies " I was a womaniser and had 6" , with a laugh. God gets angry and tells him" Take this Mini and go to hell!!".
A few years later, on the highways in hell, Mussolini, in his Mini spots Hitler, leaning on his BMW, roaring with laughter. He thinks the joke is on him and confronts Hitler with it. Hitler, wiping his eye replies, "It's not you my dear Duce, but I just saw the Pope whiz by on roller-blades"
Mussolini is next and God puts the same question to him. He replies " I was a womaniser and had 6" , with a laugh. God gets angry and tells him" Take this Mini and go to hell!!".
A few years later, on the highways in hell, Mussolini, in his Mini spots Hitler, leaning on his BMW, roaring with laughter. He thinks the joke is on him and confronts Hitler with it. Hitler, wiping his eye replies, "It's not you my dear Duce, but I just saw the Pope whiz by on roller-blades"
philippe
FYI, I chase trains.
yes it is IMAO!
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- Oct 5, 2001
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Little Johnny was doing OK at school, except for his maths. He couldn't be bothered, and just took it as a big joke, and a class where he could just goof-off.
His parents were desperate - how would little Johnny be an accountant if he didn't do maths (his parents weren't very ambitious for him, and more than a little boring - anyway, I digress). In desperation, they hired a tutor. But Johnny just spent all his time trying to look down her blouse. So they sent him to a military school, where he spent most of his time peeling potatoes, 'cause again he wasn't interested in maths.
In a last-ditch effort, Johnny's parents decided to send him to a Catholic school. Well, the effect was instantaneous. The first thing he did when he got home from his first day was go straight to his room, take out his maths book, and start studying. This went on for a few weeks, and Johnny's parents were beaming with pride, but they didn't know what had brought about this miraculous transformation.
One day, his mother decided to ask him why he was suddendly interested in maths.
"Well," said Johnny, "When I saw that they had nailed that dude to the big plus sign, I KNEW they were serious!"
His parents were desperate - how would little Johnny be an accountant if he didn't do maths (his parents weren't very ambitious for him, and more than a little boring - anyway, I digress). In desperation, they hired a tutor. But Johnny just spent all his time trying to look down her blouse. So they sent him to a military school, where he spent most of his time peeling potatoes, 'cause again he wasn't interested in maths.
In a last-ditch effort, Johnny's parents decided to send him to a Catholic school. Well, the effect was instantaneous. The first thing he did when he got home from his first day was go straight to his room, take out his maths book, and start studying. This went on for a few weeks, and Johnny's parents were beaming with pride, but they didn't know what had brought about this miraculous transformation.
One day, his mother decided to ask him why he was suddendly interested in maths.
"Well," said Johnny, "When I saw that they had nailed that dude to the big plus sign, I KNEW they were serious!"
philippe
FYI, I chase trains.
canada is not a third world country .
andyo just stop it.OK?
andyo just stop it.OK?
Switch625
I don't care.
My uncle once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.
"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."
The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach thou shall not steal, that changed your heart?"
My uncle responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."
On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.
"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."
The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach thou shall not steal, that changed your heart?"
My uncle responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."
Switch625
I don't care.
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches setting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches setting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
philippe
FYI, I chase trains.
wow that was funny!
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