The city, the city and the city

I'm loving this story! SPARTA!!!!

Most brilliant updates!

Incidentally, why two Byzantiums and Constantionople? I was assuming there would be an Istanbul...

General Olaf said:

Most brilliant updates!

Incidentally, why two Byzantiums and Constantionople? I was assuming there would be an Istanbul...

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If I'm not mistaken, Istanbul is Turkish, not Greco-Roman... Right?

Medieval Greek, apparently.

Wikipedia said:

Etymologically, the name "İstanbul" (Turkish pronunciation: [isˈtanbuɫ], colloquially [ɯsˈtambuɫ]) derives from the Medieval Greek phrase "εἰς τὴν Πόλιν" [is tin ˈpolin]/[istimbolin] or, in the Aegean dialect, "εἰς τὰν Πόλιν" [is tan ˈpolin] (Greek: εις την πολιν, Modern Greek "στην Πόλη" [stimboli]), which means "in the city" or "to the city".

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Stop the guessing! Noone guessed, but Lelouch got closest, with 'Ulm'.
You'll see in 1500 AD

You are a ***king ...

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Really Strijder?? really???

BOSTON!
subbed.

A somewhat shorter update, as I don't really have the time to write stories at the moment

Alexander: Pericles! I have just counted our soldiers. Apparently, we have 16032 hoplites in our army!

One of the guards in the throne room incidentally trips over a toy horse of Alexander and falls on his own sword.

Alexander: Blasted! Now I have to count again!

Pericles: Alexander, I really think there should be an easier way to find out how many men serve us now.

Alexander: Really?

Pericles: Yes. Storitalos, bring me a sack of peddles!

Storitalos: Yes, your majesty.

Pericles takes out sixteenthousand and thirtytwo peddles.

Pericles: So now...

Alexander: What? Huh? Oh, sorry, I think I fell asleep.

Pericles: So now, I take one peddle a-

Alexander's pet elephant tramples another guard.

Pericles - two peddles away. Now I can just count these peddles, which is a lot easier than counting the actual men!

Storitalos: Uh, your majesties, I think the elephant is coming for us.

Pericles: Now, we can apply this new method to calculate how long the elephant will take to reach us if he has a speed x and if the distance is...

Alexander and Storitalos: Just run!

After some perfectionising, 'Mathematics' is used to construct even larger buildings, calculate various things and punish thousands of Greek pupils by giving math tests.




After the pachyderm intermezzo Alexander and Pericles realise how easily one can die and order the construction of a mausoleum.


Merchant: So here they are! In Egyptian style, and larger than you could ever have dreamed! The Pyramids, the ideal place to spend eternity in! With a golden top and polished stone walls, you will make all other leaders jealous! Those tombs will almost make you commit suicide, just to be in them already!

Alexander: But I don't want to die!

Pericles: And did you really have to bring all that sand with you too?

Merchant: But, gentlemen! The sand gives it a special touch!

Alexander: Aah! There is a snake here in the sand!

Merchant: Brilliant! Just let it bite you, and then you will soon be able to enjoy this great mausoleum of mine!

Pericles takes the snake and starts hitting the merchant with it furiously.


Pericles: And that's for almost killing Alexander! And that's for bringing all the sand with you! And that's for making lame jokes about death and suicide!

Merchant: Have mercy! I will do everything you say!

Pericles: You will do everything I say? Hmm... we could use this to make our slaves go harder...

The invention of the whip, thanks to the Pyramids, made Greek slaves work 50% harder from then on. After some casualties caused by snake bites, whips were made of rope.

The invention of the whip, thanks to the Pyramids, made Greek slaves work 50% harder from then on. After some casualties caused by snake bites, whips were made of rope.

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Nice

Sorry, no updates in the next two weeks, I've got examinations! I promise to update in the Easter holidays, though.

Good luck with your tests!

Thanks!

You should have never invented the math test...

Subbed

subbed

Moar?

Cat!

Couldn't resist. I noticed that some of you haven't got the AFD avatar, sig, and title up yet. Shame.

Moar?

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Moar!

Pericles: Alexander, I think all went a little bit too well last round. I think we should see the Oracle and let her tell her what evil the future will bring!

Alexander: Well? Did you really forget I almost got killed by a snake?

Pericles: See? It was an ill omen!

Alexander: I suppose you are right...

Pericles and Alexander enter the Oracle of Constantinople. The place is filled with a sweet-smelling scent.

Oracle: Hello, gentlemen from far away! It must be something very important you have come to ask me, as there are four of you!

Pericles: Uh, actually there are just two of us. Unless you think Alexander is so fat he should count for three...

Alexander: I AM NOT FAT!

Pericles: Anyway, we would like to know the future of our empire. What disasters will hit it, and when? Can we prevent them?

Oracle: For questions you have come! Answer these questions I can.

The Oracle takes some blue-spotted purple mushrooms from a bag next to her.

Oracle: These are divine mushrooms which will bring me closer to the gods!

Oracle:

Pericles: ... So that's what she is getting those visions from.

Oracle: Evil seamonsters will destroy your fishing boats! Much bloodshed to your east there will be! And I see purple... purple... purple....

Pericles: Too much purple mushrooms, obviously. Let's return to our palace and leave this mad old witch behind!

Alexander: Can I try a mushroom? Please?

Pericles: NO!

Some of the visions of the Oracle came true: pirates disrupted trade south of the cities, and the Colosseum, a great arena, was built in Angora.



Diplomat: The Shah of Persia wants to have dinner with you, great Kings of Greece!

Pericles: Where did you come from?

Diplomat: I have no clue, every time Cyrus wants to speak another world leader I get teleported to their palace... and now I have to walk the entire end back

Alexander:

Pericles: Sadist. Anyway, I am too busy inventing new machinery and algebra for our empire, you go, Alexander! And be sure not to do anything stupid!

Alexander:

A few hours later, Alexander enters the palace.

Pericles: Did everything go well?

Alexander: Yes, more than well! I am sure Cyrus thoroughly enjoyed himself!

Diplomat: What have you done to my Shah! You will hear from this! Persia will take revenge!

Pericles glares at Alexander...

Alexander: What? We just shared some local recipes...

Pericles: Go on.

Alexander: He gave me some delicious chicken dish, so I gave him some of those mushrooms of the Oracle...

Pericles:



In the city (where else), the Great Cothon was completed, which would somehow allow the city to create soldiers and buildings from the sea.

Alexander: What's a cothon?

Pericles: A cothon (Greek: κώθων, "drinking vessel") is an artificial, protected inner harbor such as that in Carthage during the Punic Wars c.200 BC.
Cothons were generally found in the Phoenician world. Other examples include Motya, (Sicily) from the 6th century BC, which performed an uncertain purpose, (measuring 35 metres x 51 metres), although it has been suggested this cothon might even have been closable and drainable to form a dry dock [1][2], Mahdia, (Tunisia) from the 7th century BC, (which measured 72 metres x 56 metres) and one from Kition in Cyprus.

Alexander : Wow. Do you know that all by heart?

Pericles: No, I looked it up on Wikipedia.

Alexander: Wikipedia?

Pericles: It's a site on the Internet. I still have to invent the Internet, though...

Alexander's goes off to play with his pet elephant, to prevent his brain from melting from the time paradoxes.



Storitalos: My liege! My liege! A great army of barbarians has been spotted on the borders of our empire!

Pericles: That's terrible. Can't we build some kind of great wall to keep them out?

Storitalos: But my liege! Everyone knows that for the building of great walls you have to be a taoist!

Pericles: Uh... why exactly!

Storitalos: That is one of the great mysteries of the universe! Anyway, we need to muster an army, or our city will get overrun!

Pericles: No, I have a strange feeling they will attack Rome instead...

Storitalos: If you say so, my liege. I am sure you will be able to convince them to attack our neighbours with your shrewd diplomacy.



It is in the middle of June, so Storitalos and Pericles go to the centre of the city - where no buildings were constructed, on order of Zeus - , to enjoy the sun. Alexander is also there, playing with his pet elephant.
Suddenly, a strange and large thundercloud appears above their heads.


Alexander: Aaaah! It's Zeus!

Pericles: No, Zeus only appears when someone wants to found a city on this open plain here.

A rumbling comes from the cloud, and the sky becomes dark. Snow and hail start to fall, despite the fact that it was extremely warm a few seconds ago. Then the cloud seems to explode, and thousands of men clad in armour or armed with bows start falling from the sky.

Pet elephant: Flees in terror


Alexander: No, Kitty, stay here!

Storitalos: Kitty?

Kitty runs straight towards the palace's wall and runs through it.

Pericles: Great, now we will have to construct a new palace. Can't you take a more... manageable pet?

Alexander: I had a hamster...

Pericles: That's perfect!

Alexander: But my pet alligator ate him

Pericles: Your own fault for keeping a pet alligator.

Alexander: But Cuddles is cute!

Pericles: ... I have enough of this conversation. I'll investigate these strange men. Who is your leader?

Justinian: I am their leader. Fear my evil powers, humans! I have come to rule this world!

Storitalos: Actually, you look quite normal to me, if I can say that, sir.

Justinian: You think so?

Justinian raises his sceptre with a cross on it in the air and a tornado is created above it. Strange enough, it's colour is...

Justinian: FLASH OF PURPLE!

Suddenly, all the land east of the Bosporus becomes purple, including the eastern part of the city.

Alexander: So the oracle was right anyway! This nicely demonstrates the power of the mushrooms!

Pericles: What have you done to our city!

Justinian: It is my city now! You should not have opposed me! Now I will found the True Constantinople here, and it will be the greatest city of the world!

Zeus: NO YOU WONT! IT IS TOO CLOSE TO THE OTHER CITIES! And I will take your divine powers back from you too. That should learn you for pestering those poor Greeks!

Justinian: Nooo! *Falls to the ground and starts crying*

Alexander: Now you can't conquer the world anymore with your evil magic powers!

Pericles: He still has a third of our city, though...

Alexander :

Ooh! I loved the update!