1001 Bad (or good) Jokes About CIV

235. Civ V's combat AI is so bad that, when a dyslexic player sent an army to attack an Indonesian city in Sulawesi, the result was a makassar.
 
236: My friend asked me if my favorite civ is Carthage. I said "Dido."

(Dido=Ditto)
 
237. How old does one have to be to play Dido? Carth age.

Welcome to the forums, Han. Did the pun thread draw you in?
 
238.Archeologist: I want to find the treasures of Nineveh. Where are they ?
Scout: They are in Nineveh, of course. They are in Nineveh's royal library, protected by a siege tower that belongs to Ashurbanipal, the king of Assyria.

239. Question: How did Elizabeth, the queen of England, become angry ?
Answer: When leaders of another civilizations met her.

240. Player 1 : The korean ships are very slow. You know why ?
Player 2 : Because they are called turtle ships.
 
I love #239. Alex, too. Here's my version.

241. Elizabeth and all the other civs walk into a bar. So all the other civs walk out.
 
That's rich, Gori the Grey. Here's another one I came up with.

Player one:Who leads the Zulu?
Player two:It'll be a Shaka for you.
 
244: Ashurbanipal always says he's king of Assyria, but he never mentions which one?

245: Have you ever tried killing a Tercio with pikemen? It'S-pain.

246: Bismarck must be the dirtiest leader with all the Germ(an)s all over his Hanse.

247: Casimir - I said a Ducal Stable! How hard is that?
Servant - Sorry my liege, I got confused. I thought Ducks 'n' table was weird. But then you started talking about Winged Hussars and one duck has more wings than all the horses I've ever seen.
 
248: What did people call Gajah Mada's daughter? Eye-Candi.
 
249. Guy walks into a bar, racks up 15 experience points.
 
250. An ear walks into a bar and rolls up a reefer....everyone rushes a settler in to try and nail that tile!
 
251. A crater walks into a bar and rings the bell...everyone who missed on 250. diverts their settler to try and nail this tile.
 
Last one I promise....253. Isabella rides into a bar on a mount called Sinai.....everyone else rage quits the bar.
 
254: Maria Theresa and Enrico Dandolo adopt a Greek kid. So Alexander denounces them

255: Hiawatha and Shaka decided to buy mansions all over the world. So Alexander denounces them

256: Elizabeth and Alexander met. So Alexander denounces her

257: Alexander looked in a mirror. So he denounces himself
 
seanflokstra7 said:
254: Maria Theresa and Enrico Dandolo adopt a Greek kid. So Alexander denounces them

255: Hiawatha and Shaka decided to buy mansions all over the world. So Alexander denounces them

256: Elizabeth and Alexander met. So Alexander denounces her

257: Alexander looked in a mirror. So he denounces himself
Click to expand...

Oh, so true.
 
258. Alex and Ghandi had a child together (future tech). As soon as you meet Alexandi, he denounces you; the next turn he nukes you.

Spoiler :
(Serves you right for putting off your exploration until the Atomic Age!)
 
259. Elizabeth and Alexander meet last in a standard game. Turns out they have green diplo modifiers for denouncing 6 common civs. One turn later, they denounce each other.
 
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