DeceasedHorse
Prince
Dark Empire II: The Empire Strikes Back
Minas Morgul, Evil America:
Russian catapults let loose with another barrage of projectiles, smashing hard into the massive curtain wall of the besieged American capital. Behind the crumbling fortress, the last defenders of Evil America waited in silence, the only sound the occasional cough or sneeze brought on by the clouds of dust raining down from the faltering battlements. With the fall of the great navel base at mother-in-lawsville, and the defeat of General Custards field army, the capital was open to attack by the slavering Russian hordes. Another salvo of rocks was launched from the Russian positions, the commie artillery unopposed due to the destruction of Colonel Hookers artillery brigade in the retreat from the fortress of Fangorn. A massive stone projectile slammed into the towering Mausoleum of Reagan, smashing down mighty granite pillars and shaking the structure to its foundation. It would not be long now. Soon the Reds would come for the Evil Americans, and they wouldnt stop until they had razed everything, even the Grey House, home of God-Emperor Abraham Lincoln to the ground.
Brigadier General Benedict Arnold brushed his way past the Praetorian guardsmen manning the gates of the Grey House without so much as a word. In the glory days of the American Empire, such an action would have been an unthinkable act of defiance, even for the supreme commander of the American military. Even Arnold would have been required to fall to his knees and pay homage to the mighty Lincoln. Now, the guard simply did not care. The merciless killers that once filled its ranks were gone, drafted into the final defense of the walls. The men behind the iron mask of the Guard were little more than boys now. Arnold finally glanced back when the ground began to rumble and shake. Turning his head, he spotted the teetering Mausoleum of Reagan, smashed almost beyond recognition by Russian artillery, finally collapse to the ground with a terrifying crash. The mummified corpse of Reagan went sailing through the air, landing near the Russian positions. Arnold pulled out a small telescope and looked on as the mummy rose from the ground and began to rip through the Russian lines, killing a dozen men with each stroke. Even as Arnolds (black) heart filled with hope, Lenins mummified corpse teleported into the battle, driving back the American President.
Even the unholy magicks of Ronald Reagan could not save them now, Arnold realized.
The portly general flung open the doors, ignoring the scurrying servants looting the rich halls of the Grey House as he marched straight towards the Un-Oval Office, the lair of the God-Emperor. Bursting into the Presidents lair (yes I know that I keep changing his title. I also had Ronald Reagans reanimated corpse fight Lenins mummy; continuity errors are the least of the plot holes in my little prelude
) Arnold beheld the pathetic sight of the God-Emperor, or at least what was left of him. Unable to formulate his disgust with words of his own, Arnold fell back on popular slang. Yes, Lincoln looked wasted out of his fricking mind, that was it. Sir! called out the General. Sir?
Wha-What do you want, you traitorous bastard? slurred Lincoln.
Sir, Ive just come from the Great Library. Doctor Kavorkian says that he may have a way out of this!
Lincoln laughed like a madman, Out? OUT? MUWHAHAHA! Why would we want to escape when we are on the verge of total victory? The drunken president stood up and strode over to a strategic map of the known world, somehow managing to stay upright. Arnold noticed that the President was not wearing any pants, and his trademark hat lay crumpled on the floor. Lincoln pointed at the map; Arnold finally deigned to examine it closely, and that was when he realized the depth of Lincolns madness. American
Armies were marked on the map besieging the capital of every nation of the known world, while cities long since lost were shown as still being under American control. Waving lazily at the map, Lincoln shouted See? I told you we were winning. Wont you <hic> have a drink wif me?
Uh, no sir. We need to evacuate immediat...
Suddenly speaking with a British accent, Lincoln interrupted: Evacuated? At our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!
Err, right sir, please come with me! We have to go!
Lincoln belched and then fell back into his chair. Nah, Im gonna stay here, keep up the good fight <hic>. Go on ahead, I dont think I deserve another chance
Unnerved by Lincolns sudden lucidity, Arnold turned and fled from the Un-Oval office.
The Great Library of Minas Morgul:
Arnold pushed his way past the column of laborers and other citizens selected for the mission. Spotting Kavorkian up ahead, he broke into a shuffling trot.
Kavorkian! Lincoln wont evacuate. <Gasp> Says we should <gasp> go on ahead!
The crazed scientist nodded, and turned back to the small circle built into the walls of the Library. His calculations complete, the doctor hit the last button. With a deafening <swoosh> a shimmering blue portal popped into existence. Hurry, General. The Quantum Gate will not remain open for long. Arnold nodded, and gave the order. The column of men and women began shuffling into the portal, disappearing into the swirling vortex. Where they would arrive was anyones guess.
Im just thankful you somehow managed to invent a combination time machine/ teleportation device without electricity, modern science, or anything more advanced than a Roman aqueduct to work with, Doctor, Arnold said. Especially since you were a medical doctor, not a physicist.
Oh, it wasnt that hard, Kavorkian replied, then stepped into the portal, followed quickly by Arnold. The portal dissipated in flash of azure light, just as the first wave of Russian soldiers, lead by Lenins mummy, began the charge against the last bastion of the American Empire.
A different time, a different place:
Wha-were are we? stammered Arnold, looking out over the strange but somehow familiar landscape.
Kavorkian replied, Time will tell, my good general, time will tell.
Arnold frowned, Thats not very helpful, you know.
Yes, but it sounds cool, doesnt it? replied the doctor.
==========================================================
After the defeat of the American Empire in DH01: Dark Empire, the survivors of Lincolns shattered hordes flee to a New World and, hopefully, new conquests.
God-Emperor Lincoln is lost, trapped somewhere on another world and in another time, leaving Brigadier General Benedict Arnold the defacto ruler of this new America.
VARIANT RULES:
DEFIANT (My Definition): We do not, under any circumstances, pay for a peace treaty. We are free to sign peace so long as the deal is straight up or if the enemy will pay even a single gold piece. We do not cave into demands, ever. We are allowed the options of making military alliances and signing ROPs; however we may not pay for them.
EVIL EMPIRE: Representative governments are not permitted. While we may present the illusion of an elected ruler, this is just a propaganda tool. Slaves cannot be freed; I.E. disbanded, joined to a city, or sold back to their original owner. Exploits that are not blatant programming holes are permitted. Game of the Month rules apply in this case, not Realms Beyond. That means that ship chaining is permitted. Furthermore, if it is to our benefit, we can break deals at any time. Just be sure to get the most mileage out of our reputation before breaking it.
MADE IN THE US of A: Captured artillery pieces are of an inferior quality, and should be sent to the nearest city and scrapped for raw materials as soon as possible. If a captured field gun fires defensively or something, that is acceptable as long as it was not an intentional move. All efforts must be made to scrap the inferior foreign products as soon as possible.
MANIFEST DESTINY: Diplomatic and Space-Race victories are disabled. We are not permitted to build transport ships (other than suicide galleys used solely to make contact) until the discovery of rocketry. We cannot send paratroopers, demand cities, or otherwise begin attacks on other continents until the F-15 is available. This is intended to force us to fight a modern war on a large scale without the ability to Spam bombers. Bonus points if we end up building Aegis Cruisers or Radar artillery.
What we learned from the last game:
-Dont have your only decent city stuck on wonder production for most of the game when you are in what is effectively an AWE. Discuss with the team before beginning wonder construction in the early game.
-America sucks in AW. Oh well.
-Play more than 15 turns before finalizing the map choice; the start we ended up in the last game looked promising initially but turned out to be murderously bad, with our civ buried in a jungle hell that stifled growth and crippled our movement but still managed to offer no convenient choke-points for defense.
ROSTER:
All players from DH01 are of course welcome back and receive priority over new participants. I will generate the start this evening after I get back from work. Please post if you have any map preferences.
Minas Morgul, Evil America:
Russian catapults let loose with another barrage of projectiles, smashing hard into the massive curtain wall of the besieged American capital. Behind the crumbling fortress, the last defenders of Evil America waited in silence, the only sound the occasional cough or sneeze brought on by the clouds of dust raining down from the faltering battlements. With the fall of the great navel base at mother-in-lawsville, and the defeat of General Custards field army, the capital was open to attack by the slavering Russian hordes. Another salvo of rocks was launched from the Russian positions, the commie artillery unopposed due to the destruction of Colonel Hookers artillery brigade in the retreat from the fortress of Fangorn. A massive stone projectile slammed into the towering Mausoleum of Reagan, smashing down mighty granite pillars and shaking the structure to its foundation. It would not be long now. Soon the Reds would come for the Evil Americans, and they wouldnt stop until they had razed everything, even the Grey House, home of God-Emperor Abraham Lincoln to the ground.
Brigadier General Benedict Arnold brushed his way past the Praetorian guardsmen manning the gates of the Grey House without so much as a word. In the glory days of the American Empire, such an action would have been an unthinkable act of defiance, even for the supreme commander of the American military. Even Arnold would have been required to fall to his knees and pay homage to the mighty Lincoln. Now, the guard simply did not care. The merciless killers that once filled its ranks were gone, drafted into the final defense of the walls. The men behind the iron mask of the Guard were little more than boys now. Arnold finally glanced back when the ground began to rumble and shake. Turning his head, he spotted the teetering Mausoleum of Reagan, smashed almost beyond recognition by Russian artillery, finally collapse to the ground with a terrifying crash. The mummified corpse of Reagan went sailing through the air, landing near the Russian positions. Arnold pulled out a small telescope and looked on as the mummy rose from the ground and began to rip through the Russian lines, killing a dozen men with each stroke. Even as Arnolds (black) heart filled with hope, Lenins mummified corpse teleported into the battle, driving back the American President.
Even the unholy magicks of Ronald Reagan could not save them now, Arnold realized.
The portly general flung open the doors, ignoring the scurrying servants looting the rich halls of the Grey House as he marched straight towards the Un-Oval Office, the lair of the God-Emperor. Bursting into the Presidents lair (yes I know that I keep changing his title. I also had Ronald Reagans reanimated corpse fight Lenins mummy; continuity errors are the least of the plot holes in my little prelude
) Arnold beheld the pathetic sight of the God-Emperor, or at least what was left of him. Unable to formulate his disgust with words of his own, Arnold fell back on popular slang. Yes, Lincoln looked wasted out of his fricking mind, that was it. Sir! called out the General. Sir?Wha-What do you want, you traitorous bastard? slurred Lincoln.
Sir, Ive just come from the Great Library. Doctor Kavorkian says that he may have a way out of this!
Lincoln laughed like a madman, Out? OUT? MUWHAHAHA! Why would we want to escape when we are on the verge of total victory? The drunken president stood up and strode over to a strategic map of the known world, somehow managing to stay upright. Arnold noticed that the President was not wearing any pants, and his trademark hat lay crumpled on the floor. Lincoln pointed at the map; Arnold finally deigned to examine it closely, and that was when he realized the depth of Lincolns madness. American
Armies were marked on the map besieging the capital of every nation of the known world, while cities long since lost were shown as still being under American control. Waving lazily at the map, Lincoln shouted See? I told you we were winning. Wont you <hic> have a drink wif me?
Uh, no sir. We need to evacuate immediat...
Suddenly speaking with a British accent, Lincoln interrupted: Evacuated? At our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!
Err, right sir, please come with me! We have to go!
Lincoln belched and then fell back into his chair. Nah, Im gonna stay here, keep up the good fight <hic>. Go on ahead, I dont think I deserve another chance
Unnerved by Lincolns sudden lucidity, Arnold turned and fled from the Un-Oval office.
The Great Library of Minas Morgul:
Arnold pushed his way past the column of laborers and other citizens selected for the mission. Spotting Kavorkian up ahead, he broke into a shuffling trot.
Kavorkian! Lincoln wont evacuate. <Gasp> Says we should <gasp> go on ahead!
The crazed scientist nodded, and turned back to the small circle built into the walls of the Library. His calculations complete, the doctor hit the last button. With a deafening <swoosh> a shimmering blue portal popped into existence. Hurry, General. The Quantum Gate will not remain open for long. Arnold nodded, and gave the order. The column of men and women began shuffling into the portal, disappearing into the swirling vortex. Where they would arrive was anyones guess.
Im just thankful you somehow managed to invent a combination time machine/ teleportation device without electricity, modern science, or anything more advanced than a Roman aqueduct to work with, Doctor, Arnold said. Especially since you were a medical doctor, not a physicist.
Oh, it wasnt that hard, Kavorkian replied, then stepped into the portal, followed quickly by Arnold. The portal dissipated in flash of azure light, just as the first wave of Russian soldiers, lead by Lenins mummy, began the charge against the last bastion of the American Empire.
A different time, a different place:
Wha-were are we? stammered Arnold, looking out over the strange but somehow familiar landscape.
Kavorkian replied, Time will tell, my good general, time will tell.
Arnold frowned, Thats not very helpful, you know.
Yes, but it sounds cool, doesnt it? replied the doctor.
==========================================================
After the defeat of the American Empire in DH01: Dark Empire, the survivors of Lincolns shattered hordes flee to a New World and, hopefully, new conquests.
God-Emperor Lincoln is lost, trapped somewhere on another world and in another time, leaving Brigadier General Benedict Arnold the defacto ruler of this new America.
VARIANT RULES:
DEFIANT (My Definition): We do not, under any circumstances, pay for a peace treaty. We are free to sign peace so long as the deal is straight up or if the enemy will pay even a single gold piece. We do not cave into demands, ever. We are allowed the options of making military alliances and signing ROPs; however we may not pay for them.
EVIL EMPIRE: Representative governments are not permitted. While we may present the illusion of an elected ruler, this is just a propaganda tool. Slaves cannot be freed; I.E. disbanded, joined to a city, or sold back to their original owner. Exploits that are not blatant programming holes are permitted. Game of the Month rules apply in this case, not Realms Beyond. That means that ship chaining is permitted. Furthermore, if it is to our benefit, we can break deals at any time. Just be sure to get the most mileage out of our reputation before breaking it.
MADE IN THE US of A: Captured artillery pieces are of an inferior quality, and should be sent to the nearest city and scrapped for raw materials as soon as possible. If a captured field gun fires defensively or something, that is acceptable as long as it was not an intentional move. All efforts must be made to scrap the inferior foreign products as soon as possible.
MANIFEST DESTINY: Diplomatic and Space-Race victories are disabled. We are not permitted to build transport ships (other than suicide galleys used solely to make contact) until the discovery of rocketry. We cannot send paratroopers, demand cities, or otherwise begin attacks on other continents until the F-15 is available. This is intended to force us to fight a modern war on a large scale without the ability to Spam bombers. Bonus points if we end up building Aegis Cruisers or Radar artillery.
What we learned from the last game:
-Dont have your only decent city stuck on wonder production for most of the game when you are in what is effectively an AWE. Discuss with the team before beginning wonder construction in the early game.
-America sucks in AW. Oh well.
-Play more than 15 turns before finalizing the map choice; the start we ended up in the last game looked promising initially but turned out to be murderously bad, with our civ buried in a jungle hell that stifled growth and crippled our movement but still managed to offer no convenient choke-points for defense.
ROSTER:
All players from DH01 are of course welcome back and receive priority over new participants. I will generate the start this evening after I get back from work. Please post if you have any map preferences.
Oh well, back to lurker status.
