The City Of Oxford

Dean: Stuck_as_a_Mac, Professor of Music, Law, History and anything else you can think of while struggling to up his average past a 97

Oxford is a liberal college city, despite the fact neither items have been invented yet. It is run by a dean who controls the production queue and is responsible for breaking the hearts of Englanders everywhere. For the future, Oxford hopes to build Yale, as does the Dean hope to attend there for either Undergrad or Law School.

Oxford (1270 AD)
NEEDS: More Cowbell

Oxford should just keep making city improvements, not units.

Dean SaaM

Oxford Bulletin, 1000 BC

SCANDAL
Now that I have your attention...
Oxford resident(s) are in shock today as it was learned that the city was NOT changed over to a worker, as per the governors request. Citizen(s) were seen throwing rock(s) at officials, claiming, "We don’t want no stinking badges!"
The citizens are, of course, referring to the George W Bush division of the Fanatannian Army, which has attempted to make all citizens wear badges as proof of their existence, fearing that something called "Activist Judges" would kill them if they did not wear said badges. Citizens also fear that the leader of this band of warriors, who goes by the name of Dubbya, may try to do something stupid. All the people know is that it won’t be pretty if the Bushes are still in town when Yale opens its doors.

BIAS
The first Oxford Update premiered today, showing its inherent bias towards one side of the political spectrum. Local fire-talker Og O’Riley was heard muttering about the Liberal Media. Shortly after this, he tried to charge on Bog Franken for making fun of a possible shellfish allergy that Og had. What shellfish are, where they came from and what an allergy all remain mysteries at this point.

SPORTS
The local team of rock thrower-hitters, the Mets, sucks. They have lost their first three games so far, making this their worst start in 41 years. Eternally the fan, Dean SaaM was heard to comment, “Ah, oh well. It’s only the start of the season. They’ll do something good in the next few months, then manage to screw things up come the end of the season.

GOSSIP
The Oxford Bulletin is always looking for good gossip on its neighbors. Especially things related to the Dean. Everyone loves hearing the plight of a 16 year old Jewish New York Liberal RPGized. Even if it’s all false (some of it)

ENTERTAINMENT

Stuck_As_a_Mac said:

Oxford resident(s) are in shock today as it was learned that the city was NOT changed over to a worker, as per the governors request.

Click to expand...

Humble apologies for misreading that -- I think the shock of having to deal with the request to prematurely convert the barracks under construction in Bentley to worker housing addled my brain. All is not lost of course, the warrior axes under construction aren't sharpened yet and a small change in shape will result in them being usable as shovels.

What's wrong with the Dean of Oxford? Oh well, it's obvious why: he shares a border with the Dutch!

Oxford Bulletin, 730 BC

PEOPLE
The population of Oxford expanded recently, though it is to go down shortly with the creation of the Oxfordian Work Force. This work force will be comprised of citizens who failed the entrance exam to Yale and were denoted as being best fit as workers. When the city has been improved, these citizens will (hopefully) be allowed to rejoin the city and take the exam again. The Dean plans on asking the President for the workers to be denoted as such and that they would remain at home.

CULTURE
The Liberal Media has been clamoring for something called “culture”, which can only be found in Camelot for some reason. This “culture”, whatever it may be, is said to be a non-lethal weapon to be used against the Dutch. Hopefully the Governor will allow Oxford to experience this culture, whatever it may be.

SPORTS
The Mets still suck, but at least they’ve won their last two games. Granted they lost five before that, but they’re working on it. And those homers by Beltran are sweet.

GOSSIP
This Friday, SaaM will be gracing his high school stage as the title role(s) in the musical production of “Jekyll and Hyde.” SaaM is expected to loose touch with reality sometime later this week and start demanding absurd items, like poofy garments by Thursday evening. Things may spiral out of control on Saturday evening, though, as SaaM may loose touch with his sanity and ask out the girl he’s liked since sophomore year, again. Hopefully, SaaMs sanity will return to him by Monday, so that he can write an essay for his APUSH class.

ENTERTAINMENT
See Gossip. Pictures of said show will be provided in this space.

As a fellow APUSH student, I must ask - is it a dreaded DBQ?

No...
Shudders at the mention of the evil letters...
It's a Free Response on FDR and the New Deal, but instead of being due Monday it's now due Thursday, as in the day after tomorrow.

I remember that class. I got a 3 . Study hard.

Oxford Bulletin, 590 BC

PEOPLE
Oxford has received its squadron of workers. They can be seen mining wines and singing the opening to Les Miserables, which reminds the Dean that he really should read that copy a friend of his gave him for his birthday last year. Regardless, shield output and food output should increase shortly.

CULTURE
The Culture Writer is Out on Vacation this week
The Liberal Media has been clamoring for something called “culture”, which can only be found in Camelot for some reason. This “culture”, whatever it may be, is said to be a non-lethal weapon to be used against the Dutch. Hopefully the Governor will allow Oxford to experience this culture, whatever it may be.

SPORTS
The Mets suck. Lets leave it at that.

GOSSIP
Old news:
This Friday, SaaM will be gracing his high school stage as the title role(s) in the musical production of “Jekyll and Hyde.” SaaM is expected to loose touch with reality sometime later this week and start demanding absurd items, like poofy garments by Thursday evening. Things may spiral out of control on Saturday evening, though, as SaaM may loose touch with his sanity and ask out the girl he’s liked since sophomore year, again. Hopefully, SaaMs sanity will return to him by Monday, so that he can take a physics test.
In other Gossip news, SaaM completed his APUSH essay

ENTERTAINMENT
See Gossip. Pictures of said show will be provided in this space.
In other other news, SaaM wrote this one very quickly while listening to Sweeny Todd.

Oxford Bulletin, Still-Sorta-590 BC

SHOCK AND AWE
Shock turned to awe (which later was found to be just gas) as a great Scientific Leader arose from the...uhm... lab field. Sir Isaac Newton arose on the discovery of the technology of Currency, throwing the nation into the "Middle Ages" and making all of the cities look funny.
Appearantly, Newton has the ability to build the Nation a giant wonder, be it this that or the other. Ministers have been arguing recently over what to build, and where. Odds are the building will be in Camelot, but ministers can be very touchy over their possesive pronouns.

More on this story as it develops.

Well as Camelot is the only place with this cultcha thing, maybe we ought to have some somewhere else as well, Oxford is one of the towns most in danger of flipping at the moment so perhaps a little campaign is in order to bring cultcha to Oxford!

Amen to that!
Dammit, Liza! Where is the culture? We need it so that we can convince these street peddlers to become real ladies in flower shops.
Hm... how else can I blatantly rob from My Fair Lady?

Ehh.. regardless.

To the Propagandamobile!

Oxford Bulletin 450 BC

PEOPLE
A nameless horseman has arrived in Oxford. We’re not quite sure where he came from, but he seems to have settled down here for now. We here at the Bulletin have decided to hold a contest to name the horseman. Submit any entries you may have to the Bulletin and we’ll choose the best one.

ARCHITECTURE
Recently, the entire Fanatannian Empire underwent a makeover as it magically changed its city style over night. The cities now feature odd public squares and tall buildings with turrets on the top. What these things are or where they came form remains a mystery, but experts agree that Oxford looks good in drab gray. A local woman was heard musing “Well you know, black is this years pink.” Said local woman then burst into the score of Candide and let out a few ear-piercing (but in tune) High Es.

RUMOR MONGERING
The Oxford Bulletin is pleased to welcome its new Rumor Mongering columnist, William Randolph Hearst.
Here here! There are talks of a revolution in the winds. I hear them, coming from the underground of the cowards who are too frightened to speak their names. Let us not abandon the ways of our forefathers! Let us remain on our land, working nobly towards a common goal.

There has also been talk of uses for that new leader, Sir Isaac Newton. If they wish to bring a giant monument to a city, why not Oxford? Lord knows it needs the “culture” these people keep flapping their gums over…

GOSSIP
In gossip, SaaMs little sister is still yet to upload his pics from his show, despite how many times he annoys her to do so.

Oxford Bulletin, 190 BC

SPECIAL EDITION

Oxford is now connected to Mainland Fanatannia. Thanks to some border readjustment on the part of the Dutch (see VICTORY for more details), Oxford is no longer at a flip risk as the cities that surround it are now part of the Greater Fanatannian Empire. Swords heroically took the cities Groningen, Maastricht, and The Hague, liberating them from tyrannical Dutch hands. With the taking of these cities, Oxford secured its place as the head Fanatannian city of the North. We have obtained an exclusive quote from General Patton, head of the Elite Regents Swordsmen Brigade, currently stationed in Rotterdam. The general had this to say:

“By gum, I’m delighted in my men’s work. We’re marching on Amsterdam soon, and those tulip-sniffing wooden shoe wearing pansys* won’t know what hit’em. Amsterdam laid waste in our time, I tell ya. Laid waste in our time.”

The general would not comment on if Laid waste implied that the city was to be razed. Hopefully, the city [which is classified as a “Size Nine” (Oxford is labeled a “Size Four”) by the government] will remain intact.

*: The Bulletin would like to apologize to Fanatannias premier Dutch citizen, Rik Meleet. He is not a “tulip-sniffing wooden shoe wearing pansy.”

CULTURE!
In 60 years time, Oxford will become home to a Fanatannian legend. As the Bulletin has been preaching since its founding, Oxford will soon receive a temple. Local rabbis are thrilled at the prospect of moving their services out of local citizen Bog Frankens subterranean addition to his hut. Local citizens promise to cook a giant kugel “to die for” to celebrate the opening.

The Bulletin would like to wish all of its Jewish readers a happy Passover and hope that the seders you’ll be attending are better than the Deans grandmothers.

VICTORY
As mentioned before, War on the Dutch was declared in 370. Despite a shaky start and a sudden increase in violins with genuine horsehair, the war was soon thrown onto the right path by the leadership of Generalissima Chieftess. Chieftess, the decorated veteran, made an astonishing sweep of 5 Dutch cities, turning Fanatannia into the worlds largest and most populous Empire. The Bulletin gives Chieftess a large Huzah for doing so.

Special Update!

Dean to run for Culture!

Transcript of speech found below.

1) The country is still expanding thanks to our military. That is a given. Soon we will control the entire subcontinent, but we will still have gaps. And the civs from which we took the cities from will still exist. We need to devote at a minimum 20% of our economy to the building and upkeep of cultural improvements. If elected, I pledge to have (at minimum) a temple in every city. In addition to that, I will push for a library in most. Hopefully, by the middle of the term, our conquering days will end and we will decide to settle down and devote our time to building. It is a shame that it is nearing the ADs and only now are we nearing the completion of our first temple (in Oxford, my city). We need for the governors to interject infrastructure other than barracks into the cities. We have the ability to create marketplaces. A few of those in some key cities and they will pay for the temples. 20 percent is not much to ask for.

​

2) If we continue down this path, I will first object to it as it is a foolish choice. We cannot sit by and wait with our hands in our laps until we reach a point near the domination limit. Culture doesn’t work that way. (AN: I know it can, but just lemme keep talking) We can't have a minimum and then suddenly decide to go for a max. I would shudder to think of what the great culture guru Cyc would do if he were here. Or Shaitan. They'd head straight back to whatever it is they're doing in RL, that’s what they'd do. Now, if my verbose filibusters (AN: No, no... you can't take that away from meeeee. Seriously. Hands off the filibuster.) fall on deaf ears and people decide to keep to the status quo, I will still keep pushing for culture. I will inundate mayoral threads and gubernatorial threads with requests for culture. Once again, using Oxford as an example: after constant requests in multiple threads, the Temple is nearly done. Complaining works. Trust me on this one .​

My Plan:
By the end of the Third Term, all cities should have

• A Temple

Cities that are above size 6 should all have

• A Library

Aqueducts arent my department, but I'll push for them too. Same with marketplaces (to pay for the culture).

As we have already set a precident for building barracks, we need to build Sun Tzu. Fortunately, we have Sir Issac to do this for us. We haven't chosen a deffinate place to put him. That's to be decided. Subliminal Message: Oxford... Oxford... Oxford

As for the other two major early MA wonders, it would be nice to get them. But I really don't see any governor planing on devoting any time for a prebuild. I just don't. To the Governors: Prove me wrong.

A healthy supply of luxes and the slider will keep our citizens happy, not entertainers. Get those people back to work, I say. Don't make'em earn a living by keeping other people happy. (oo.. how very Republican of me)

Finally: Three points.

• I have never been in the Culture Department, so I'll need your help
• I go away to Florida between May 18th and May 23rd. Band Trip (woo!)
• I have the AP US test on May 6th. Don't piss me off before that

I do hope I've made my adgenda clear. Thanks for listening.

SaaM
Dean of Oxford

Click to expand...

Shouldn't the Mets go from stone throw hitting to jousting now?

Oxford Bulletin, 90 BC

ELECTION

In electoral news, Dean SaaM is now the Culture Consul, meaning Oxford is the Culture Capitol (by Consulian Decree). To celebrate his victory, CC-Dean SaaM cut the ribbon to the new Oxford Temple and announced plans for the Oxford Library.

STATE OF THE CITY

In the years since the founding of Oxford, the city has made considerable strides. The city stands as the nations fourth most populous city, the sixth greatest shield producer and the fifth greatest producer of commerce. Citizens, we should be proud of the achievements of our fair city.

THE WAR

The war continues on. On one front, the Dutch cities of Amsterdam and Arnhem still stand, but that is only one front. The nation of Fanatannia is now at war with the Persians and the Byzantines. We refused to cave to either nations cowardly threats, and because of this they declared war on us. Fortunately, we are always the clever ones, as we have set about a plan to entangle the world in alliances that will slow our enemies to a halt, allowing us to fling ourselves forewords.

New Section: Nationwide Culture

Good evening. My fellow Fanatannians, we have reached a new day for our culture department. With my election as CC, I pledged to increase this nations culture. I want to see either a temple or a library in every city, preferably the library, as these give us multiple benefits. Regardless of which one is built, we must act to increase our culture before it is too late. As mentioned earlier, we have a series of wars going on. These wars can hopefully slow down the worlds cultural race, allowing us to climb up. Our top rival for culture, France, has six times as much culture as we do (1353 points). By the end of this term, I want us to be the top dog in this aspect. This is my real goal for the term; to put us on top. I encourage all citizens to post in the Consul thread- that’s what its there for.

Oxford Bulletin, 1010 AD

THE BEATRICE IS BACK
After a month long hiatus, the Oxford Bulletin (Fanatannias premiere and only city based newspaper) has returned to a changed world. Where was once little culture, now there is a nationwide culture that flourishes with every turn. Oxford is still the second greatest producer, though it may soon be forced to relinquish that title to donsignia, home of Newtons University. Well, it’s not like Oxford would be caught dead housing Cambridge, those silly Wooden Spoon boys. We’re better off without them. Besides, Yale is due to be founded in 2 turns (after micromanagement), to much hurrah from the Mayor and the citizens. The Mayor, having had taken his SATs today, feels his chances of making the Blue have improved. So go Bulldogs!

W-T-FP?
While the Mayor was down in the sunny, imaginary state of Florida, something wonderful happened to Oxford. It holds a lasting monument that will become a hallowed shrine for those who seek it and a headache for those who work there. The Forbidden Palace (shh! Don’t talk about it! It’s Forbidden!) was built in our fair city, reducing the corruption level of cities around us. Oxford still looses shields and gold to corruption (a courthouse is, hopefully, in the works), but it has improved the lives of the cities surrounding it.

Paging a Mr. Shylock
Other than attempting to write an essay about him, Oxford (Fanatannias premiere and only Jewish city pre-cIV) may soon be home to a bank. Rest assured that the fee for loans will not be a pound of flesh, but it will cost you an arm and a leg. Hopefully this bank (which could potentially be due in 12 turns) will increase Oxfords flow of revenue to the nation.

One Giant Empire
In case you have been living in a hole for the last month, Fanatannia has grown from a fledging collection of cities to a gigantic empire that’s basically pretty friggin huge. The nation now encompasses the remains of the Indians, the Dutch and the Spanish. It will soon hold all of the French, the Portuguese, as well as possibly the Chinese and the Persians. Mayor SaaM has a plan to hopefully bring former slaves from all nations to Oxford and make them citizens of the Crown once the Great Rail Road project is completed. While this has yet to have been discussed anywhere, Mayor SaaM feels it would be a good opportunity to make Oxford a melting pot and to “free the slaves”

In conclusion, we’re friggin huge, powerful and our words are backed with Calvary. So tacet, Beatrice, if you don’t want to start any trouble.

To the tables down at Mory’s,
To the place where Louis dwells,
To the dear old Temple Bar we love so well…


Welcome to Mory's Pub, the Premiere Pub in Oxford. Founded in 1040 and located on Temple Street, it resides near the recently opened Yale University. Mory's is dedicated to good food, good drink and good atmosphere. Formal attire is required for entrance. Please dress in such or you will be refused admitance.

As of now, the menu is simply drinks. We offer the Red, Gold, Velvet, Green, Blue and Purple cups. While their ccontents are mysteries, they are still all good. And no, we won't tell whats in it.