long distance relationship?

Does anyone here have any experience in long distance relationship? Care to share your experience here.

Is it feasible? Or it's just another pipe dream that's never lead to an happy ending.

Discuss.

In my case, the long distance aspect kept the relationship going much longer than it should have. We dated for a little while, and although I had misgivings I didn't do anythings, as it was my first relationship. Then I was off at school for 2 months, and we only communicated when she called. Then I came home for spring break, and she spent a week complaining about our lack of communication. Then 2 more months of school, the same deal, and finally when I got back I broke up with her - after 6 months, but 4 of them apart. In retrospect, if I had had to invest more in the relationship than the occasional phone call (or I had better dating options - I had essentially none at school) it would have been over much sooner.

On the other hand, both my older brother and my younger sister were in long distance relationships at some point to their current spouses.

As long as you don't think of it as exclusive it works better.

skadistic said:

As long as you don't think of it as exclusive it works better.

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So you're saying that it's better that both of the parties should not cling on the relationship and both are free to look for other partner as well?

Gr3yL3gion said:

So you're saying that it's better that both of the parties should not cling on the relationship and both are free to look for other partner as well?

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Pretty much. Its somewhat pointless to keep attached to a person you can't have.. If you go into it with a open mind that distance is a barrier and looking closer to home is more prudent you come out on top. When you do get to see that person still share your time in the best way possible. I have a lover that I see once a year maybe but communicate with often and we both have close relations with our own lovers. We have real feeling for each other but know that its not reasonable to hold on for what we realy can't have. Just be honest about it.

I would say it depends.

If your relationship started as a long-distance one, I say you're pretty much doomed. Furthermore, I believe that people that start a long-distance relationship are not actually looking to have a serious relationship - not that the're anything wrong with that.

If your relationship became a long-distance one, then it depends on how long you knew each other before the split, and how long the split will last.
Basically a one-year split after a one-week relationship will on average be doomed, while a 3-month-split after a 2-year relationship has good chances to last.

I keep up with a few people that I have crushes on that live far away since I moved.

Sexual exclusivity aside, it's workable.

Well, as a cross country runner, I would say it is feasible, but you are going to need to build up your endurance and tolerance. Try to drink water during and gatorade/powerade before and afterwards. If the distance becomes unbearable, don't feel you cannot walk, because walking actually is a great option. You will need to make up for your lost time of walking with some hardcore sprints though. It is going to be tough, but it could work out.

@skadistic Thanks for your insight. I think my lover share your opinion as well, just didn't convey it much clearly on these issues.

Well, anybody else have the experience, but on a larger scale? i.e. Both parties from a different country. How well did it went for both of you?

Atlas14 said:

Well, as a cross country runner, I would say it is feasible, but you are going to need to build up your endurance and tolerance. Try to drink water during and gatorade/powerade before and afterwards. If the distance becomes unbearable, don't feel you cannot walk, because walking actually is a great option. You will need to make up for your lost time of walking with some hardcore sprints though. It is going to be tough, but it could work out.

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Lol, never thought about both long distance running and long distance relationship shared the same acronyms. Oh well.

Well, anybody else have the experience, but on a larger scale? i.e. Both parties from a different country. How well did it went for both of you?

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Two of my good friends from high school just broke up this semester beacuse of the distance.

However, the only ldrs that I can think of that have worked have involved the guy being a part of the military service. I may not be thinking hard enough.

Atlas14 said:

Two of my good friends from high school just broke up this semester beacuse of the distance.

However, the only ldrs that I can think of that have worked have involved the guy being a part of the military service. I may not be thinking hard enough.

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It's ok. I was counting on the experiences of my fellow forumites. Thanks for sharing it though.

Gr3yL3gion:

Yeah, it can be done. I met my wife when I was graduating college and she was a sophomore at a college another state away. We never lived in the same state, but visited each other about once every two months or so. We were engaged seven months into the relationship, and then had a long distance relationship for the next two years while she finished college. I lived in Hawaii and she was going to school in Ohio. We got married six months after she graduated college and then were able to live together (I was in the Army). We have now been married over 12 years.

It can be done. You have to be truly committed on both sides. And remember, there is more to life than a short term fix of sex. We also had hefty phone bills, but we learned all about each other when we couldn't be together. We have a great share of mind as to how we are managing our family.

I'm getting married on the 31st. We met in Cincinnati, but she lived in Ontario and I in Ohio for a three year span. The only advice I can offer is get a good long-distance plan, use the internet and see each other as often as possible.

Doing little things like sending flowers, sending occasional cards helps as well.

As to sex, I never cheated but I wouldn't've been hurt had she. Just don't get emotionally involved with someone else. IMHO, emotional cheating is far worse than physical.

I have had a bit of experience in this, though it was kind of unsuccessful and don't believe that it can work. It can work if both parties are willing to make an effort to make the commitment.

Yeah.

In our case it worked because we were both adults, had known each other for years before the question of romantic involvement ever came up, we were able to see each other quite often (about every other week -- different cities an 8-hour train ride apart), could spend quite a bit of time chatting online etc. in between, and we'd made it clear at the start that the "long distance" part had to be temporary (we kept that up for just under a year).

As I write this we've been living together for just about 17 months, and will be married by this time next year.

It really depends why you're making your relationship long distance. It's hard, and if either of you are prone to jealousy it's doomed.

I really recommend making sure that it's not expected to be monogamous. Both of you should look around for temporary partners. If only one of you is willing to agree to this then there's a serious imbalance in your relationship, which will make it a tricky one anyway.

I'm currently in this sort of thing. My lover agreed that it couldn't really be exclusive, so it isn't, even though she (claims that she) isn't interested in anyone else.
However, she's good enough to accept that I don't have to follow her lead, and she's good enough for me to return to her when we finally have the chance to continue with a proper relationship.

@spankey & augurey
Thanks for your insight guys. That really raises my hope a little.

Well, I feel obligated to share a little information first before going further into this discussion.

I met her when she was a foreign students 5 years ago. We dated for 2 1/2years before she had to go back to her country.

After that, we'll still keep the communications line open by emails,phone calls and such. As both of us didn't exactly make any lifetime commitments and such, both of us are free to see other prospective partners as well, and which she and I both agree that, if we were meant for each other, we'll be back together someday.

Recently I have graduated and moving into the workforce(doing temp now but currently job hunting) . Lately I had an conversation with her, and while realizing that the things between us was special to both of us, decided to make a move.

She was happy at first, and in fact recommended a job at her company in Shanghai, which sadly I couldn't take it as I still have some family commitments to look up for. The only plans that i now have is to visit her after I got a fulltime job here in Malaysia.

Well, after that we're back to square one. While I did ask her, to a certain extent, to wait for me at least for another year(which she replied yes). I could feel that she's being doubtful over the whole affair, by saying that both of us should focus on our career first... yadayadayada.

Your thoughts?

Long distance relationships suck unless you plan to live together at some point (perferably in the near future)

For the rest of my life I have absolutely no interest in forced celebacy for a partner who isn't even there.

Then again, my need for female comfort, companionship, nutrenence is quite high (my sex drive about average but now that I have a steady I don't ever want to go back to masturbation and massage parlors).

Note : I was in a long distance relationship for about four years (though I would see my girlfriend around once a month).

Narz said:

Long distance relationships suck unless you plan to live together at some point (perferably in the near future).

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I will agree with Narz that there has to be a goal to end the long distance portion of the relationship. There is a value to proximity. If there is a plan to eventually be co-located (through marriage or whatever) then it can work.