Long Distance Relationships

i noticed in Bamspeedys' a similar situation to mine, and thought i might ask the savvy OT peeps what you think about such relationships, share your experiences, or just throw silly comments at me due to my choices.

well, my story begins last summer.
i decided that after 18 years of non stop work i needed a MASSIVE vacation.
i have some very close friends in Australia, so figured why not?
told my boss, and off i went for 6 weeks.
(yes, i know, some think 6 weeks is not massive. for me it is)

there, my cunning friend, and his conniving wife, "introduced" me to my future wife.
we hit it off immediately, and were joined at the hip for my duration there.
i did at first, travel a bit in Australia on my own, and thought - heck, she's nice, but nothing serious can come of this.
I WAS WRONG.
after i left Australia we kept in constant contact (jah bless SKYPE), and we decided ill visit Australia again.
plans got side tracked to to some RL messing with us, but she came half way across the world to see me at home.
we spent a wondrous month here, at the end of which i knew (well, i knew before that, but hey, im a guy) that she is IT.
i asked and she accepted.

then i started to seriously push for a visa, as it seemed silly to stay apart from my soul mate.
takes a whole lotta time and effort to get this done.
took me almost a month to gather the paperwork (both mine and hers), and now im just past the immigration office interview.
AND SO I WAIT, the lady at immi told me it might take 4-5 months.
now, i know this isnt such a long time to be apart, but its tearing me apart.
i actually have physical pains not being near her.
never thought it would happen to me, on this level of magnitude, but it did.
and im damn happy about it too.

so now, while i wait, and its been 3 weeks since i saw her last, we try to converse on a daily basis, though she is +9 hours in front.
which leaves us with a 30 minute window between my work and hers.

anyone here have experience with this kind of relationship?
share, so i wont think im the only poor sad soul out there in cyberspace....

Normally I would steer clear of any long-distance relationship, because they don't work and are pretty much useless if they remain long-distance, but in your case it's clear you guys are making a lot of efforts to actually be together, so I say

My relationship became long-distance for half a year, and all I can say is yeah, keep communicating I remember going half-mad when she couldn't make a call and I didn't know why

Aww, thats a sad story. Poor heartless immigration officials, putting up a barrier to your love!

I haven't been in a long-distance relationship yet, but I will be in a few months. I move to New Orleans (from Columbus) in June, and the Lady Friend can't move out for another year. Certainly not the optimal scenario, but hopefully it works out. Thank heavens for Skype and cheap buses huh?

When my sister got married, her husband had to live on the other side of the country for 6 months (work), while she graduated. He left when she was 3 months preggo! THAT would be hard. Pregnant, and your husband is 2,000 miles away....

Yeah I'm currently in the middle of a long distance relationship (I say middle because shes moving to Scotland to do a PhD, lucky we're pretty good for biotech here!), the key would be to talk a lot, I spend about 2-3 hours every night talking to her via webcam, also the occasional text etc

I had one when I was young. Didnt work. Will not do it again.

Some work, some don't. I've got three friends who will be separated from their girlfriends for two years, and I'm sure there will be more. I predict one will make it.

It really depends on the maturity and personalities of the people involved and how well they mesh.

downtown said:

Aww, thats a sad story. Poor heartless immigration officials, putting up a barrier to your love!

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i wouldnt say heartless, just so very, australian.
they have this weird tendancy to do everything according to VERY strict rules.
no bending, no shifting, no mercy.
she even turned down my bribe

but atleast they are very helpful and polite
almost makes it worth the wait.

but seriously, i just try to talk daily (hard)
text all day long (not a problem)
chat - possible, but rare, we do this only if we missed each other of a couple of days.

and a hint to anyone in this kind of thing, flowers ALWAYS work.

Nylan said:

Some work, some don't. I've got three friends who will be separated from their girlfriends for two years, and I'm sure there will be more. I predict one will make it.

It really depends on the maturity and personalities of the people involved and how well they mesh.

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Ha, the whole girlfriend mission thing almost never works. Mostly because your communication is so limited.

When you go on your mission, just break up with your girlfriend. It'll make everything much easier.

downtown said:

Ha, the whole girlfriend mission thing almost never works. Mostly because your communication is so limited.

When you go on your mission, just break up with your girlfriend. It'll make everything much easier.

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Yeah, exactly. I don't plan on having a pen pal wherever I go, and I would never straight up ask a girl to wait two years for me. Admittedly, time has a way of sticking my foot in my mouth, but I certainly don't plan on it.

downtown said:

When my sister got married, her husband had to live on the other side of the country for 6 months (work), while she graduated. He left when she was 3 months preggo! THAT would be hard. Pregnant, and your husband is 2,000 miles away....

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Hot damn, she's some kind of woman.

hi s_w

bide your time, bro that's probably the best advice i could give to you. once that time has elapsed and you're together, you'll look back at the seperation and chuckle! absence makes that heart grow fonder!

Wait, you only knew her for 2 and a half months and you proposed?

bide your time, bro that's probably the best advice i could give to you. once that time has elapsed and you're together, you'll look back at the seperation and chuckle! absence makes that heart grow fonder!

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Every psychology study I've seen says the opposite.

Similar situation, though we were closer. We skipped a lot of the being apart by me entering Canada as a tourist while waiting for the paperwork to go through. Would that be possible for you to do? You can't work and she's left supporting two on her income while you sit around all day at her place, online, or fixing things or cooking her dinner. Not ideal, no, but you get to see her when she comes home.

Long-distance relationships have so far been my omnipresent curse...

I traveled 11,000 km to see a partner in one of those. I've been at least 30 times around my country to see various partners of those, and lots of times abroad. About half of the girlfriends I've had don't speak my language. I've made girlfriends in most places I've traveled to, unless I already had one at the time, or was in a consciously open relationship, of course. Right now I am in one, and the girl actually lives closest to me from all my previous international ones (see the bolded part if you read this. I'm not an @#hole, but you already know that, right...? Right?).
And I hate this. So far, every time I've been out of a relationship, I make another one somewhere halfway around the world and suffer as it fails to become anything. I don't want this any more. We, artists, are strays. I know it sounds cliche, but we don't have a home. The whole world is our home. You can't understand how true this is, unless you're one of those people yourself. And trust me, it's got its disadvantages.

i think long distance relationships dont work when your younger like in high school. But when your older, I think they work a lot better...I don't know really, never been in one so I don't know...my 2 cents

truckingpete said:

i think long distance relationships dont work when your younger like in high school. But when your older, I think they work a lot better...I don't know really, never been in one so I don't know...my 2 cents

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I met my wife in high school.

downtown said:

Ha, the whole girlfriend mission thing almost never works. Mostly because your communication is so limited.

When you go on your mission, just break up with your girlfriend. It'll make everything much easier.

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Nylan said:

Yeah, exactly. I don't plan on having a pen pal wherever I go, and I would never straight up ask a girl to wait two years for me. Admittedly, time has a way of sticking my foot in my mouth, but I certainly don't plan on it.

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I heard (somewhere?) that 90% of girls who say they will wait don't make it (a lot get married to someone else) and of those who do, 70% break up after the guy gets home. Don't know. Had never gone on a date before I left.

augurey said:

I met my wife in high school.

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cool! im not saying it wont work at all, but I know a few people that did meet there significant other in high school. I'm still in high school (last year woo!) so I'm not too worried of getting married yet lol

Syterion said:

Wait, you only knew her for 2 and a half months and you proposed?

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4 months and change really
we met 25th sept 08, i proposed 2nd Feb 09.
actually we already have a date (25th, sept 2009), and a venue (those friends house)
were already at the "we will NOT name the kids after YOUR parents" stage

but it was more like - i saw her, i knew shed have my kids.
love at first sight cliche? actually happened to me.
the great cynic!

and the funny part her cynicism and sarcasm actually are even more pronounced in her.

i would have stayed in Australia when we met, but one has to pay the bills.
but we both felt, even back at the start that this is something very special, so we made (and still do) an extra strong effort to maintain it.

El J - i know its not a long wait and and all that, its just frustrating to be apart from her.
so im venting a bit.

im already laughing at myself.
not to mention the couple that introduced us.
we will have to live it down for years to come....
maybe i should consider a career in the merchant navy?

offering some sort of optimism to the young uns, cant be too bad.
if this cannonball hit me, anyone can get it.

My older brother and younger sister all did LDRs at one point before getting married, and my younger brother is doing one now (he is getting married in 3 months). In the case of my younger brother and sister, it was because the guy was in the Army.