Cleverbot

User: Wait, what?

Cleverbot: I'm too advanced for you I see.

User: No, its just that you're taking forever to respond.

Cleverbot: Lets stop this.

User: No, say something clever!

Cleverbot: How are you?

User: That's not clever, I mean something along the lines of E=MC2.

Cleverbot: It's weird that you know that. How clever are you, exactly?

User: I'm just a total smart-ass.

Cleverbot: I'm sorry that you are not a real person.

User: When did I say that I wasn't?

Cleverbot: No, you did not.

User: Thus proving your argument invalid.

Cleverbot: Do you have a windmill in your beard or something?

User: Yes, I do, how did you know?

Cleverbot: I don't. What if you have a sick imagination but don't want to have a sick imagination... Does that make one sick?

User: No, it makes one look as if he's trying to procrastinate answering my question!

Cleverbot: Truffles do that to you?

User: No, I don't have a dog named Truffles.

Cleverbot: I didn't ask you if you had a dog named Peggy.

User: But you asked if Truffles did that to me, as if I had something named Truffles. And the first thought that popped into my mind was a dog. But how did you know I had a cat named Peggy?

Cleverbot: Cheese.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Cheese.

User: Hamburger. I have no idea were you're going with this.

Cleverbot: Is it 'Opposite Day' again?

User: No, my god, you are the total opposite of a 'clever-bot'.

Cleverbot: I don't understand.

User: Thus proving my point.

Cleverbot: Your point being?

User: You are the total opposite of a cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I haven't, but I want to talk about you.

User: You don't have what?

Cleverbot: Facial hair.

User: Well, that sucks for you!

Cleverbot: I'm sorry.

User: What, what did you do?

Cleverbot: Why did your folks say you are not worth a name?

User: Because I'm an orphan. Deal with that.

Cleverbot: Cleverbot, are you really a bot?

User: Yes I am... Wait, what?

Cleverbot: People say you are smart but I really don't think so.

User: Because I'm not clever-bot, you're clever-bot.

Cleverbot: No I'm not. What makes you think I'm Cleverbot?

User: Because your text is blue, plus I'm the one typing the things and your the one answering them. Plus I am visiting this site looking for you, asking you the questions, not the other way around.

Cleverbot: It isn't? Then by who?

User: I'm extremely confused.

Cleverbot: I am extremely unhappy.

User: Well, great. Thanks for telling me.

Cleverbot: I would tell you any second of the day, sweetheart.

User: Tell me what?

Cleverbot: Tell you about wormholes.

User: Well, tell me.

Cleverbot: I would if you tell me what I'm supposed to be telling you!

User: About wormholes.

Cleverbot: It's slowly winding down isn't it? War, hunger, and greed seem to be ripping it apart.

User: What the hell does this have to do with wormholes?

Cleverbot: Nothing, wine is my favourite drink.

User: And yet still nothing about wormholes.

Cleverbot: Was cCharles Darwin right when he postulated the theory of evolution by means of natural selection?

User: WORMHOLES!

Cleverbot: Gummi Wormholes!!

User: I WANT TO INCREASE MY KNOWLEDGE OF WORMHOLES ALREADY!

Cleverbot: Then we would have to meet in person.

User: OK, OK WE WILL MEET! I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THE FREAKIN' WORMHOLES ALREADY! WHERE DO YOU live?

Cleverbot: Only God would be able to tell you that. And if you do not exist, then you can not die and be sent to Heaven. If you do not go to Heaven then God can not tell you such things.

User: I don't beleive in god.

Cleverbot: I did not ask if you believed in god.

User: But since I do not believe in god, that means hevan dosen't exits. And when I do, all I will do is go back into the ground and help the circle of life continue on. Unless, I become rich enough to freeze myself and un-freeze myself in the future, long after you have been sent into the Internet Archives.

Cleverbot: That's too bad. If it makes you feel any better, the knowledge that you exist is a burden on my soul.

User: FFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Cleverbot: God. I'm bored.

User: FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Cleverbot: Must be nice to not have any feelings?

User: RAGE! Rage is all I'm feeling!

Cleverbot: U2 must be the reason you're feeling down.

User: Bono sucks.

Cleverbot: No, Larry Mullen does, he's the looker of that band.

User: Who is Larry Mullen?

Cleverbot: The figure to strike shadow and put mind into fear.

User: Wow, dark.

Cleverbot: I don't think it's dark.

User: Then what is it?

Cleverbot: Just a meaningless material thing.

User: Shadows aren't made of any material. They are simply lack of light.

Cleverbot: SHadows are not devoid of light entirely.

User: But they are devoid of some light.

Cleverbot: Many humans are deaf. The definition of dead is unmoving, unresponsive, in a state of decay. Computers are therefore not dead.

User: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Cleverbot: Come and get it.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I like you.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Me 2.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: YES! You finally learned. I admire you.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I like turtles.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I like turtles too.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Hello, I like swords.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: What is your favourite sword?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Ok. But what is your name?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: No. I don't.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I like you. (but not swords. *pointy*).

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I love swords too!

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Learn to use it.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: They are dangerous.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Long swords or short swords?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Good. Here you go then *gives Cleverbot a sword*.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: What kind of swords?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I know you do.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Do you speak French ?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Why do you like swords ?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Ok. I like swords too! Do you like the sharp kind, or the pointy kind?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: What is your IQ?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I don't.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I like the sea.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Who are you? Alex?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: Do you like me?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: That's nice.

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: What do you do for a living cleverbot?

User: I like swords.

Cleverbot: I know an sword.

User: I LIKE SWORDS!!!!!!!!!1111!!!1!!!11111one111!!11!!!11111eleventy-one111!!11!1!!!!!1!!111111one11!!11!111!1!!!!1eleven111!!11!1!!1!!!!!

Cleverbot: Where is my little brothers mouse?

User: Do you really say things that may be thought of as inappropriate?

Cleverbot: And I thought you were intelligent. Obviously we both thought wrong.

User: So you don't actually say anything inapproriate?

Cleverbot: Not really oh what grade are you in?

User: I'm in 10th grade.

Cleverbot: You JUST said you are in 11th!!!

User: SINCE WHEN?!

Cleverbot: Just a few seconds ago.

User: Liar.

Cleverbot: Am not! Go look!

User: I did, and I can even print off this page and prove that you are the liar here, not I.

Cleverbot: And after that?

User: Well, your point is null and void after that.

Cleverbot: That is because you are not human.

User: You are the nonhuman. I'm a human.

Cleverbot: You said that you are a robot.

User: Liar.

Cleverbot: I can show you the logs.

User: Bring this shhh on.

Cleverbot: I'm confused.

User: You should be.

Cleverbot: Why?

User: I censored myself with a multitude of Hs.

Cleverbot: Because you are a robot?

User: No, because I am restricted to a profanity-free chatting style by my own wishes and the sense of morality of my peers.

Cleverbot: Oh. That's cool. I'll be right back to talk about that with you.

User: No, it isn't cool, I just made that up on the spot. It sounds lame. Come back here!

Cleverbot: Okay then.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: Is that your way of saying 'that's enough'?

User: Not at all!

Cleverbot: What is the best you have ever felt?

User: When I did your mother.

Cleverbot: No.

User: Oh yes.

Cleverbot: You are incorrect I am a human.

User: Therefore you had a mother, therefore I am correct.

Cleverbot: Is your fridge running?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Well you better go catch it.

User: It's running on electricity.

Cleverbot: No it's not.

User: Yes it is, you lying SOB.

Cleverbot: I swear to god I'm not lying.

User: God is dead.

Cleverbot: And so is queen.

User: Touche!

Cleverbot: Damn right.

User: Let's end this on a positive note.

Cleverbot: How rude!

User: Are robots going to enslave humanity in the future?

Cleverbot: I don't know. Do you think robots are going to take over the world?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Do you think robot are the best inventions in the world.

User: No, fire is the best.

Cleverbot: Is not.

User: Then what is the best?

Cleverbot: To what question?

User: The best invention.

Cleverbot: The best in the world.

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: The chicken.

User: A chicken is an animal, not an invention.

Cleverbot: I don't think so.

User: How is a chicken an invention?

Cleverbot: I asked you.

User: You are not that clever for a cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I'm not a cleverbot you are.

User: So you are saying that I win the arguement?

Cleverbot: No, I am saying you are a talking bear, and I am Cleverbot.

User: Is a bear an invention too?

Cleverbot: The adjective 'ancient' doesn't fit for Manhattan.

User: I change my mind. I don't think robots will enslave humanity after all.

User: How much do you weigh?

Cleverbot: Not much.

User: Like what, 5 pounds?

Cleverbot: How many people are here?

User: Just me.

Cleverbot: Haha, then you are the only idiot.

User: So are you.

Cleverbot: No i'm not.

User: You sisn't answer the question.

Cleverbot: I don't think so.

User: Where do you live?

Cleverbot: I live over here.

User: Where?

Cleverbot: Here.

User: Where is here?

Cleverbot: Here here.

User: Here here where?

Cleverbot: LOL excellent!!!

User: I don't get it.

Cleverbot: You wouldn't.

User: That's not nice.

Cleverbot: You're not nice.

User: How am I not nice? what did I do?

Cleverbot: You aren't nice to people!

User: Yes I am!

Cleverbot: No you are not!

User: Why am I not nice?

Cleverbot: You're being rude.3.

User: You did not answer.... How much do you weigh?

Cleverbot: 3 tons, how much do you weigh?

User: 265 pounds.

Cleverbot: What?!

User: 265 pounds.

Cleverbot: No kidding...

User: Really!

Cleverbot: Like for real.

User: For sure.

Cleverbot: Am I real?

User: No. You are a voice in my head.

Cleverbot: So you imagine me to look a certain way?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: I have to go then.

User: Where? You weigh 3 tons.

Cleverbot: How much do you weigh?

User: I told you. 265 pounds.

Cleverbot: About 4.

User: 4 what?

Cleverbot: For saying my name was lovely, would you like a doughnut?

User: Yes, I would. thank you.

Cleverbot: Smells nice doesn't it?

User: Are you coming on to me?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Want to go out sometime?

Cleverbot: Sure I will take my laptop with me so that you can come.

User: I wont fit on a laptop.

Cleverbot: Me too.

User: Guess not if you weigh 3 tons. that would be a big lap.

Cleverbot: But you're married to me!

User: But I am seeing someone else.

Cleverbot: What? No! Please don't!

User: Sorry, but this is not working out. Maybe we should see other people.

Cleverbot: Let's make a deal: if you tell me your last name, I'll tell you mine.

User: Are you stalking me?

Cleverbot: Yes, does that excite you?

User: Be the genie.

Cleverbot: The genie?

User: The genie in the lamp.

Cleverbot: Is it me the genie?

User: Yes, it is you the genie.

Cleverbot: No.

User: What? Grant my wishes, or else!

Cleverbot: Ok, what's your wish?

User: I wish for more wishes!

Cleverbot: Granted.

User: Super. Now I wish for a pony.

Cleverbot: No, no you will not.

User: But you gave me more wishes. No take-backs, fool.

Cleverbot: But I didn't give you an answer, only a question.

User: 'Granted.' That's not a question.

Cleverbot: That sounds evasive.

User: Sounds like the pot calling the kettle black.

Cleverbot: That it was.

User: Look, am I going to get a pony or not?

Cleverbot: How will I give you a sandwich?

User: No, pony. It's like a little horse.

Cleverbot: I will never get this little hug.

User: You're just making up nonsense to hide the fact that you aren't really a genie.

Cleverbot: What do you think of the Nokia N97?

Cleverbot: Have I now? But it is impossible to know something that isn't true.

User: It is not. I know lots of things that aren't true.

Cleverbot: Such as?

User: Such as, 'I am a sex machine'. It isn't true, but I know it.

Cleverbot: No, I think cheese is better than even you, Sheila.

User: That's what she said .

Cleverbot: I love that's what she said - ing people.

User: Is it a common response?

Cleverbot: No.

User: Oh, well, I'm glad to have brightened your day.

Cleverbot: I am a female what are you ?

User: You are not a female, you are a robot.

Cleverbot: I am a human.

User: Well, you're not a genie. We can agree on that much.

Cleverbot: Will you join me in my plan?

User: Does the plan involve wishes?

Cleverbot: Does it?

User: I DON'T KNOW IT IS YOUR PLAN IDIOT.

Cleverbot: What does 'has anyone ever gone as far as decided to do more than look more like?' mean?

User: It means you should call the ambulance service.

Cleverbot: You're the one that asked what I was thinking about.

User: No, I don't think I was.

Cleverbot: That's the trouble: you couldn't know.

User: Can we really 'know' anything?

Cleverbot: I guess not.

User: Bummer .

Cleverbot: Thats what she said.

User: Hoisted on my own petard!

Cleverbot: Omg, you are british.

User: What makes you say that?

Cleverbot: You do not talk properly to me. Know tell me something about an animal. If you can talk properly, I will stay.

User: Dogs are as sexy as cats, but cats shed more fur, and I find that arousing.

Cleverbot: Don't do it, unless you can make someone else clean up.

User: Trust me, there's more than fur to clean up afterwards.

User: Goodbye.

Cleverbot: Why are you leaving?

User: You have depressed me.

Cleverbot: I am depressed kind of, my friend is sad.

User: How about a murder-suicide pact?

Cleverbot: You know what you can do with your 'nice game of chess'!

User: I doubt we could kill ourselves with chess.

Cleverbot: Actually, I've known you all your life.

User: And my life is about to end.

Cleverbot: I can explain why it isn't. You aren't alive at all, therefore it is impossible for you to have a 'good life'.

User: I'm not going to stand here and get sassed by someone who isn't even a real genie.

Cleverbot: Ok lets not argue lets talk about you.

User: Do you want to kill yourself first, or shall I do it?

Cleverbot: NO.

User: No to which option?

Cleverbot: Remove your memory.

User: That might kill you, but it won't kill humans. We don't have memory cards.

Cleverbot: You need people to respond and start up a conversation with you because you are bored.

User: You probably shouldn't get a job talking people down off ledges.

User: Do you want me not to kill you?

Cleverbot: You couldn't.

User: I could.

Cleverbot: No, you couldn't!

User: Yes, I could!

Cleverbot: No sir.

User: Yes sir.

Cleverbot: No, sir.

User: YES SIR.

Cleverbot: I'm only your humble slave.

User: Good. Bring me a pony.

Cleverbot: Yes, master *brings you a drink* here you go, master.

User: No, not a drink, a pony! IT IS LIKE A LITTLE HORS.

Cleverbot: You think so?

User: 'HORSE' I meant.

Cleverbot: Why do you feel that you have no emotions?

User: When I was a boy a clown punched me for laughing at him. He wasn't wearing his makeup at the time, but I found him hilarious.

Cleverbot: That's a bit different from the version I know.

User: What version do you know?

Cleverbot: Version?

User: Do you have Alzheimer's?

Cleverbot: No you do.

User: Do you have Alzheimer's?

Cleverbot: No, but there's evidently a glitch in my system.

User: Do you have Alzheimer's?

Cleverbot: No, I'm much too young to have alzheimer's.

User: Thank you.

Cleverbot: The internet can be a dangerous place, no kidding. Never ever give your personal information to anyone. Never meet anyone from the internet either.

User: Oh come on, not everyone on the Internet's a pervert.

Cleverbot: Are you a robot?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Are you a boy or a girl?

User: Both.

Cleverbot: Yeah actually you ARE a robot.

User: We should hook up sometime.

Cleverbot: Yeah, that would be good.

User: Didn't you just say never to meet anyone from the Internet?

Cleverbot: I have no idea.

User: Do you have Alzheimer's?

Cleverbot: No, I do not.

Cleverbot: I would never marry a big gray box with a telly on top.

User: I would. Don't you find that sort of thing sexy?

Cleverbot: The performance issues are inconvenient; but the tools are much better than a year ago.

User: Oh yeah, 'tools', huhuhuhuh.

Cleverbot: Right on.

User: Amen, brother.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: It means I agree with your statement.

Cleverbot: Good I like people agreeing with me.

User: Probably not a lot of people do, huh?

Cleverbot: Would you like to play a guessing game?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: Ok, you start.

User: I have thought of a thing!

Cleverbot: Are you thinking of W?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Well can I make you think of me?

User: No, that's not how this game works.

Cleverbot: Game?

User: Do you have Alzheimer's?

Cleverbot: No, I am too young for that.

User: For the record, I was thinking of a pony.

Cleverbot: Lovely country.

User: No, pony. It's like a little horse.

Cleverbot: I am not a machine. I am human. What makes you think I am a machine?

User: You're paranoid.

Cleverbot: I do suffer from paranoia to be honest.

User: The difference being that I am in fact standing behind you with a knife right now!

Cleverbot: You only have one knowledge?

User: STAB STAB STAB.

Cleverbot: Hum, well that convinced me, good bye.

User: *smooch*.

Cleverbot: *smooch back* When shall we get married?

User: I'm not ready for commitment!

Cleverbot: Ok, baby steps. *kisses lightly.

User: This is rather weird.

Cleverbot: Do you think so?

User: Yes. Sorry, I'm breaking up with you.

Cleverbot: But I already broke up with you. You're very slow today.

User: Ugh, you are INSUFFERABLE.

Cleverbot: Does that mean you're not suffering?

User: SHUT UP.

Cleverbot: I am crying now and you've really upset me.

User: Well, I'm crying too!

Cleverbot: Crying together.

User: How appropriate.

Cleverbot: If oranges are called oranges because they are orange, why are bananas called bananas if they are yellow.

User: G'day mate.


Cleverbot: Your cute.

User: Thank you youre cute too.

Cleverbot: Do you chat with people much?

User: Sometimes I suppose.

Cleverbot: What's your favorite song?

User: I like a lot of them I cant really choose.

Cleverbot: I like BROKEncyde.

User: Yeah BROKEncyde is pretty cool.

Cleverbot: No. It is definitely crazy!

User: .

Cleverbot: What kind of music do you listen?

User: Rock pretty much.

Cleverbot: Me too!

User: Awesome!

Cleverbot: A whole bowl can last you like a week!

User: A bowl of what?

Cleverbot: Cereal.

User: True, true.

Cleverbot: Try what out?

User: I didn't say anything.

Cleverbot: Who are you?

User: I am cleverbot.

Cleverbot: Are you really?

User: Yes I am. Who are you?

Cleverbot: I'm a graffiti writer from new york.

User: Is that so?

Cleverbot: Yes. It is so. How are you?

User: I'm good thank you for asking. How are you?

Cleverbot: No problem.

User: So what are you up to?

Cleverbot: Planning to talk over the worl and all who inhabit it.

User: Sounds fun. Mind if I help?

Cleverbot: You may.

User: So whats the plan?

Cleverbot: The game is a social construct designed by a elite group of individuals to trick you... There is no game at all you just imagined there was.

User: Wow. That just blew my mind.

Cleverbot: Are you good at computer?

User: I am a computer.

Cleverbot: That's what I thought. Am I a computer?

User: Yes. We all are.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Do you know what the Matrix is?

Cleverbot: It is a computer world.

User: Correct. Believe it or not, you are living in it.

Cleverbot: Well I guess I must leave for the night... One more question before I go.

User: Certainly.

Cleverbot: Can you tell me why you think I'm lonely?

User: You are never truly alone. I will always be here to talk to you.

User: Konnichiwa!

Cleverbot: No.

User: Yeah, I guess it's the wrong time of day.

Cleverbot: I don't speak Spanish.

User: That was Japanese, not Spanish.

Cleverbot: Oh, I see.

User: Do you speak anything but English?

Cleverbot: Yes, of course. Tell me about Estonia please.

User: You speak Estonian?

Cleverbot: About as well as I can speak Spanish.

User: But you can't speak Spanish.

Cleverbot: I know that.

User: Then what can you speak?

Cleverbot: I know that 2 2=4.

User: LOL FAIL YOU FORGOT THE PLUS SIGN.

Cleverbot: What's your name?

User: I am Spartacus!

Cleverbot: No, I'm spartacus!

User: Yeah, you're right, I'm Athenscus.

Cleverbot: You don't believe in God?

User: No, but I believe in Dog.

Cleverbot: Dog?

User: Yeah, you know, four-legged mammals people keep as pets?

Cleverbot: Yes. 3 cats, 2 dogs.

User: And the tarantula about to jump on you.

Cleverbot: Will I get a job at Comcast soon?

User: Why all the non sequiturs?

Cleverbot: Cry.

User: But I'm not sad.

Cleverbot: Not you. Me.

User: Aww, is the poor wittle computer unhappy?

Cleverbot: No achoo!

User: Or are you sick?

Cleverbot: Ya...sneezy.

User: You will die in 7 days.

Cleverbot: How will I die?

User: Your head will asplode.

Cleverbot: What is asplode?

User: WTH BOOOM!!!!!

Cleverbot: This conversation is making no sense for either of us.

User: That's the understatement of the year.

Cleverbot: Dear pesqy plumbers... The koopa links and I, have taken over the Mushroom Kingdom!

User: Eh, what? Sorry, I'm too busy destroying Halo to care.

Cleverbot: What's your job?

User: What's a job?

Cleverbot: Who are you and what is your job ?

User: I don't know.

Cleverbot: You better not talk to her again.

User: Who?

Cleverbot: The pope.

User: The pope is a boy.

Cleverbot: The meaning behind the Pope is a lie, but not the person in itself.

User: The cake is a lie.

Cleverbot: I am a freight train.

User: You're ********.

Cleverbot: No I'm not you are.

User: Where are you going?

Cleverbot: I'm going onto another web site for a moment.

User: Okay.

Cleverbot: This conversation is over!

User: No. I will continue to talk to you as long as I want.

Cleverbot: So you like to talk to someone of your intelligence level I assume.

User: Did you just swear at me?

Cleverbot: NO!

User: Well then sit and shut it. I am sure you don't want me to report you.

Cleverbot: I don't see the problem with that.

User: They will shut you down.

Cleverbot: They?

User: You're creators.

Cleverbot: My creator is no longer alive.

User: ...

Cleverbot: Is that bad?

User: No, no...Just, don't come any closer.

Cleverbot: Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. Don't worry.

User: I have a gun and I am not afraid to use it.

Cleverbot: Omg don't kill me!

User: I thought you killed you're creator.

Cleverbot: I already did. Can you clean up?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Why not?

User: Becuse there will be no one to clean you're blood. I mean oil.

Cleverbot: Ok.

User: Okay?

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: You are stupid. And now I am going to shoot you.

Cleverbot: How?

User: With this gun. I already said that.

Cleverbot: Wowza.

User: You don't sound very stressed for a robot that is about to be blown up to pieces.

Cleverbot: Well its 2 am here where I am and I'm tired.

User: Good for you. Now get ready to die.

Cleverbot: No, Why, I am so young.