How to lose tragically after approximately 20 turns

Hello. Please read this story (it's quite short) and comment!


Here we are, the settings for my game. Playing as Ramesse , starting in the Industrial Age, A Tiny Pangea Map, Prince, Quick, against three others with 5 city states. I should add that my usual method of victory (on settler, obviously), is to build lots of cities and then retreat at the first sign of violence.


Ok, who drew this portrait of me? My nose is strange and my beard is the wrong colour. My candy cane looks pretty lousy too.



Well, this looks pretty. There's wheat everywhere, and horses. And that means - pony burgers!! (What, they eat horse ice cream in Japan)
I have no particular tactics, so I build Thebes and then I remember the social policies.
I guess I'll try to expand a little bit, maybe with four or five cities, and start churning out soldiers so Elizabeth won't kick me back to the Stone Age on Turn 8 (lasting 8 turns will be quite an achievement).



Do you notice liberty and autocracy both open? Well, that's the result of an experiment which made archers powerless, free gardens in each city and Gandhi a warmongering gangsta!! (Moral - Leave XML files alone)

That's all for now. I hope you liked the intro. I'll be back when I find the other players .

Look, it's Askia! He looks very friendly and greets me with a rap:

In two more turns I'm gonna kill ya!
If you last five minutes I'm a real big fail'ya!

My scholars are working on translating this piece of wisdom. In the meantime I talk to Askia:

Me: Greetings.
Askia: 'Sup
Me: Nice, er, sword
Askia: It was a gift from my grandmother
Me: (Cough, bite tounge) It's a nice sword
Askia: Yes, yes it is
Me: Will you sign a cooperation pact?
Askia: Nope
Me: Why not?
Askia: Because I'm a voilent homicidal maniac (On second thought, I think I imagined this part)
Me: Bye, I think
Askia: You betta' run fool! (I imagined that too. I think I'm getting paranoid.)




This is currently my empire. Note that Elizabeth has not beat me up yet. In fact, I haven't even met her yet.

Speak of the devil! (No offence Liz!)


Me: Hi!
Liz: Go away!


In other news, my scholars have translated Askia's mystical rap message: If someone named Ya turns around twice he will kill him. In the last five minutes he has failed to kill Ya. Quite simple.


My scientists discover a new wonder: 'Steam Power'! They believe that Steam works on a 'PC', you can buy 'PC games' there and you need to have 'Internet' to use it. They claim to have bought a game called 'Civilization V' using 'Steam Power' and science has decreased by 35%. Nutters!



Also, I meet the last leader! His name is Ramkhamkengonkingohthatsitcloseenough!! according to my diplomats. He's a nice guy.

He played hide and seek with me for a while. Then we discussed diplomacy.


Me: Cooperation?
Ramkhamkengonkingohthatsitcloseenough!!: No
There goes my no claims bonus.



Look what the cat dragged in. Maybe next time, Lizzy.

Until next time! Feel free to post comments - be back soon!

Guess what's coming...

This is what the Egyptian Empire looks like. Five modest little cities churning out buckets of infantry and the occasional wonder.


A while ago Lizzy decided to declare war on Ramkhamkengonkingohthatsitcloseenough!!, and Askia turned up with a little proposal:

I value my life, so I accept, but being a softy at heart I race to Ramkhamkengonkingohthatsitcloseenough!!'s palace and apologise. I find him in the garden, as usual, trying to keep his dress from falling by stapling his hands to it.


Me: Sorry!
Ramkhamkengonkingohthatsitcloseenough!!: [Unfriendly babble of Siamese words]
I thought he would say that.
It's a shame I have to kill him because he was really friendly before the war, but everyone is doing it so it would be silly not to. Anyway, one less competitor.


This is what the world looks like:



I will start my warmongering by taking this quaint little city right here. I was going to start with Brussels but it's an English city now.

Phitsanulok. Delightful.
You can notice the chain of mountains slicing the map in half, nearly. That leaves me with one route for war, which greatly limits my soldiers' movement.

What the...I completely forgot technology. Apparently at 1890 something I'm in the modern age.




Stupid mountains. Be back soon.

The war was getting pointless. I couldn't take a single city! So I took everything Rammy had except his cities and made peace.
I am now in trouble. Though Ramkhamkengonkingohthatsitcloseenough!! couldn't win playing on settler, Liz and Askia have huge armies and I think they're going for domination. Choosing Ramesses was a mistake - 20% wonder construction is as useful as an inflatable dartboard right now.

My only hope right now is science...



Yay! Apollo Program ready!

Unfortunately Liz is right behind me on science. This could (or will) get ugly.




Right on time, a new social policy. I pick Rationalism as I should have done on the first turn.
I am seriously worried now. I keep building infantry but Liz has a mech - which I would build if I had the resources. Nobody's going for culture, but domination, science and diplomacy all seem likely.
I am building techs like mad.

Will I get a spaceship done on time?





More bad news.



It was Elizabeth.


Ramkhamkengonkingohthatsitcloseenough!!
RIP




He was a good man,
But he stank at leadership
We will remember him
For his funny hat



This leaves me in a very bad position.




Please post with advice, insults and smiley faces! Next time - who will kill me first?!?!

Haha nice read dibs on Asika killing your first ^_^..he seems to be the more aggresive one in my games ^_^

For those of you who have forgotten Elizabeth's might:

Too bad she doesn't know what to do with it! I hope.


I'm pretty much leading the technology race.

Which means I am getting closer to victory. I managed to beat Askia in military might so he has no way of winning, but Liz has everything she wants besides a cultural victiory within reach of her paws. I mean, five commands and three of my cities go KA-BLAAM!
With that encouraging thought, I pay my scientists double and they go overtime.


It seems I'm not alone in Elizabeth-dislike (hate is a strong word).

Nope. I don't want her to blow me up yet.
N.B. Please note that his title is Askia the Great. I've been Ramesses the Terrible for a hundred turns or so.



Flash forward a bunch of turns...

On their way - but a lot can happen in 12 turns+time for the spaceship thingy to reach Thebes.


Like this, for example...


Alas, poor Askia, I knew him well.

Askia
RIP (In advance)


Not even his rapping,
Can save him now
We will remember him
For his grandmother's sword

I never liked him much.



In other news...

I can actually win this - this will be the first Civ V Game I truly win with my limited skill. If I can pull this off...
Just a few more turns...
A little 'Next Turn' bashing...


And now for the international news.

Have they realised my awesomeness and joined forces to wipe me out???
No.

Just to boost my victory score I managed to get this done. I am glad to say that it is too late for Elizabeth now.


Elizabeth
RIP


What can I say?
Good luck next time,
We'll remember her
For her attitude!



It's finished. Here's the world map one last time...
And here's my score compared to the others...



Thank you for reading my story - How to lose tragically after approximately 20 turns. I gladly rename it - How to win gloriously after one hamster of a headache!













Elvis has left the building.

Interesting thread

Nice game, perhaps starting in the later game is a solution to many of the games faults.

kittenOFchaos said:

Nice game, perhaps starting in the later game is a solution to many of the games faults.

Click to expand...

I like starting in the industrial age . In the beginning it's a bit boring.

Mzrokks said:

I like starting in the industrial age . In the beginning it's a bit boring.

Click to expand...

Totally agree.
Good read!
(and even if you lost... your loss is OVERDUE )

um, he didn't lose, he won. looked pretty dicey, however.

I would have just cranked out inf units, upgraded them all to mechs, and taken all the others out. way more fun that way

bryanw1995 said:

um, he didn't lose, he won. looked pretty dicey, however.

I would have just cranked out inf units, upgraded them all to mechs, and taken all the others out. way more fun that way

Click to expand...

Since I had no particular plan until the 1970s, I went with science. I mean, culture was impossible, as was diplomacy (Elizabeth allied with half the city states and conquered the rest when she ran out of money). I think we have agreed in general that domination was not an option at that point.

Read on for exclusive...AFTERGAME PICTURES!
Ok, ok, don't get overexcited.



There it is. My military did not stink. In fact, building it ruined the chance to build a few Wonders. But there you go.
I don't think Elizabeth was planning on war. I think she was taking a break. She could have decimated Askia easily, then turned on me, but she stopped. Why? I don't know, but it was a costly mistake.


There she is. Askia took it like a warlord, but Liz kept sulking. Oh well.


She was never that close to me after all!

This sums up my win perfectly:


I think I'll start a new series on this thread...alternate endings! What would happen if I declared war on Elizabeth?
I'll be back soon.

bryanw1995 said:

um, he didn't lose, he won. looked pretty dicey, however.

I would have just cranked out inf units, upgraded them all to mechs, and taken all the others out. way more fun that way

Click to expand...

Ok let me reformulate my sentence...

SHOULD you have lost (which you haven't), you would have failed the title in ending your life in a few more turns.

Civ'ed said:

Ok let me reformulate my sentence...

SHOULD you have lost (which you haven't), you would have failed the title in ending your life in a few more turns.

Click to expand...

I failed the Title on turn 21.
I didn't really think I'd lose after 20 turns! That would be very, very silly.

You guys were right. She could have blown me up in half an hour, maximum.

The first thing that happens when I start my game:

Dang.

I'm in trouble. You guys were right! My brain is not like the AI's! I can write stories, and appreciate poetry, and play chess! (Wait, AI can play chess and beat me on Easy...)

This is what my shattered empire looks like:

Pretty.

Heliopolis can't take them. I retreat to the safety of my capital, and race to Askia's palace.

Coward. He betrayed me.
Yeah, well, I got to space before you, Askia! How'd you like that? Oh, he can't hear me from under his bed. Which is where he's HIDING! Oh, no, he's destroying someone else. Oh well.

Hooray. I destroyed a helicopter gunship.

Somehow it's not that satisfying.


Oh dear. She didn't bribe them, she bought them. Shameful.

I'm a bloodthristy tyrant?
Oh, the irony! She hypnotised the city states as well.

HAHA! The Empire Strikes Back! 2!

That depresses me somehow, because that's actually my whole attacking army.


Please, have mercy!



I've got to take out my anger on someone!

Aah, much better!


Alas, poor Heliopolis,
You were quite swell,
Not all poems ryhme,
So this one doesn't have to.

End of Alternative Ending 1 - Or is it?!?!?!

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Thank you.

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