Help for an atheist going to church

kiwitt

kiwitt

Road to War Modder
Joined
Jan 11, 2006
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Location
Auckland, NZ (GMT+12)
For the last couple of Sundays I have gone to church, because my wife (who I love dearly) wants to go and wants me to come with her. On the last visit, I told her I don't believe in God (after 20 years, the first time the discussion has ever come up). My wife is exploring her beliefs and this is how she wants to do it after discovering a few weeks back that she was christened at a church local to us.

The main reason, I go is because I love my wife. But I also enjoy the singing and the general happy an friendly place a church is. While I don't believe in words or the sermons and rituals, I do believe in the sense of love that is in this place.

So for the time being, I will attend church and help my wife discover her beliefs in her own way.
 
Churches can be a lot of fun, if you allow yourself to have fun. The singing is fun, if you're willing to sing. The sermons can be pretty good. And the people are friendly. Churches are good community, I enjoy going.

The trick is to figure out how not to get bored during the sermons that focus too much on the supernatural. This is probably easier in the days of iPods. I used to use a notepad to daydream.
 
Well, good for you. I would encourage you to continue doing this with your wife, but also realize that biblically, its a mans purpose to lead his wife in this type of thing, and to be her covering. I sincerely hope that her exploring and re-examining her faith helps you to do the same. Being 'unequally yoked' belief wise, isnt exactly the most comfortable of situations in any event, so I hope you are able to avoid that.
 
As long as she's willing to accept what you believe (and don't believe), great. It definitely sounds like you're accepting her beliefs. I know a couple who is having major problems because one is constantly trying to convert the other (neither were religious when they married) - she won't accept that he doesn't believe.
 
MobBoss said:
Well, good for you. I would encourage you to continue doing this with your wife, but also realize that biblically, its a mans purpose to lead his wife in this type of thing, and to be her covering. I sincerely hope that her exploring and re-examining her faith helps you to do the same. Being 'unequally yoked' belief wise, isnt exactly the most comfortable of situations in any event, so I hope you are able to avoid that.
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I think we can discount Hebrew barbarity. Penises are not magic.
 
Smellincoffee said:
I think we can discount Hebrew barbarity. Penises are not magic.
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No, never discount a womans emotions where such things are involved. There are indeed bliblical purposes at play here. Being in denial of it simply isnt going to help.
 
MobBoss said:
No, never discount a womans emotions where such things are involved. There are indeed bliblical purposes at play here. Being in denial of it simply isnt going to help.
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yes, the bible was written to justify patriarchy, so there is a biblical purpose
 
MobBoss said:
No, never discount a womans emotions where such things are involved. There are indeed bliblical purposes at play here. Being in denial of it simply isnt going to help.
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It's a patriarchal book written by magic-penis believers who wanted to keep it that way. They don't deserve your respect, and certainly not your compliance.
 
Join a Universal Unitarian Church. Most of them are a combination of atheists, agnostics, secular humanists, Buddhists, and assorted gay, bi, trans, inter people. You get the community free of the worst excesses and nonsense of religion.
 
Karalysia said:
Join a Universal Unitarian Church. Most of them are a combination of atheists, agnostics, secular humanists, Buddhists, and assorted gay, bi, trans, inter people.
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What is the "point" of that?

Do they get in a circle and chant "Dear Racially and Sexually Ambiguous Deity Who we Do Not Believe Exists, please bless this Organic Whole-Wheat Cruelty-Free Bread upon which we shall break our fast"?

In all seriousness, how is that a church? I think I completely missed the point of Unitarian theology or lack thereof. :crazyeye:
 
galdre said:
yes, the bible was written to justify patriarchy, so there is a biblical purpose
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Smellincoffee said:
It's a patriarchal book written by magic-penis believers who wanted to keep it that way. They don't deserve your respect, and certainly not your compliance.
Click to expand...

Neither of your comments is very helpful for the OPs situation. At all.

Having been more or less in his position in playing 'catch-up' to a spouse determined to find her way in her faith, I can appreciate his situation. Not saying what he will experience will be the same as I, but whatever help I can offer, I will.
 
It's been described to me by a Unitarian friend as "Well it's basically church without god and stuff man."
 
Might surprise some people, but I got married in a church. Also go once a year for my father in law's anniversary, and the odd funeral. Stand up and sit down at the appropriate points but don't kneel or make prayer hands etc.
 
RedRalph said:
Might surprise some people, but I got married in a church. Also go once a year for my father in law's anniversary, and the odd funeral. Stand up and sit down at the appropriate points but don't kneel or make prayer hands etc.
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Do your wife and child go to church more often/regularly?
 
MobBoss said:
Having been more or less in his position in playing 'catch-up' to a spouse determined to find her way in her faith, I can appreciate his situation. Not saying what he will experience will be the same as I, but whatever help I can offer, I will.
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Thanks for that.

And thanks all for your words of support. It's going to be quite difficult for me to come to terms with it, by my love with my wife will get me through it as well.

As to the "Unitarian" option, not sure that is what my wife wants at the moment. Good idea though.
 
Also, maybe you could look into a local Humanist Chaplaincy? Yeah I know it sounds weird. They celebrate Xmas they just call it Human Light and celebrate humanities secular values or something. Also something to look into I guess.
 
MobBoss said:
Neither of your comments is very helpful for the OPs situation. At all.
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I can't read misogynistic statements and not respond

I'm all for someone supporting their partner while s/he tries to figure out their beliefs, but we might as well be honest about those beliefs
 
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